Significant other's concersn with Communal Living

For some time now I have dreamed of living with others and working the land. Although my significant other has been with me to visit a few communes we don't share the same dream. I have gathered a few of the main concerns. What do you guys think? Can they be mitigated or are they insurmountable?

The concerns are

1. Safety - Afraid of a bunch of questionable people coming and going. This probably stems from one of the visitors at the first commune we visited. They didn't have much of a screening procedure for visitors. He was a tall older man and he was pretty much loony, and he slept in the same house as us.

2. Financial - Never having money of our own to buy or go or do with as we want.

3. Privacy - Always having people there, knowing about your life. No intimacy.

4. Failure - Afraid of committing ourselves and it not working out and having nothing to show for it and nowhere to go.

I respect those concerns and have agreed that if we can't figure out ways to protect ourselves from those potential problems then we shouldn't go anywhere.

I think that for

1. Safety - If there is a thorough screening procedure for guests then that isn't a concern.

2. Finances - We will work together to have what we need. And a lot of places share surplus, if we wanted to travel we could save our allotment

3. Privacy - That is a serious concern and a common point of contention among most communes. I think that families do need their own space. I hope that we could build our own small residence, but still share the communal kitchen, living and work building. A couple definitely need their own room.

4. Failure - I think that we can take the money we have now and put it in a savings account before we go. Then if we find it to be not working out we do have enough to get started again wherever we may desire. And that we should be aware of that possibility and have backup plans in place ahead of time.


Please, all ideas and suggestions appreciated. If you think you have something to contribute go ahead and post it!

 

I think those are very good and realistic concerns.

1. Safety - Afraid of a bunch of questionable people coming and going.

I have stayed on a few communes and seen some very sketchy people come through them. I’ve seen people come trough communes and in an hour and a half they had asked every female to have sex with them, Child molester lurking around children, people stealing and taking off in the night. Alternative communities attract all types.
It happen no matter how well you screen people some of the worst people have the best references.

2. Financial - Never having money of our own to buy or go or do with as we want.

A lot of communes are poor, dirt poor and you will never have much money living there.

3. Privacy - Always having people there, knowing about your life. No intimacy.

Yeah, most communes everyone will know everything about you, and everything you do all the time everyday and every night. They will know when you sneak food in the middle of the night they will know when you take a shit they will know everything about you and your habits and you will know everything about them

4. Failure - Afraid of committing ourselves and it not working out and having nothing to show for it and nowhere to go.

This happens 90% of the time most people who go to communes end up leaving because it was not what they expected or they didn’t get along with someone.

I think those are all very realistic concerns and good things to consider. So many people go to alternative communities and have a false idea of what it will be and then it not like that and they want out.

I’m not try to sound negative just realistic, small alternative community is great for a lot of people but it has a lot of draw backs just like everything in life.

 

course now out in the general society..it's muuuuch better...lol

 

In general society you can hide from you neighbors and visit public places when you want.

In a commune you live in a public place 24-7.

Call me anti social but lately I find it relaxing to spend quiet evenings away from public places.

 

I suppose that when some say commune they mean a group sharing intimate space and all monies in common.
Me, I tend to think intentional community, And therein may be the differences that makes the difference.
Think of individual dwellings out of sight and sound, save maybe a very loud yell from each other, each dwelling set up to be independent, but with a community center where people can congregate and work and eat together. Key word is can, no have to.
Being a wierd, strange person myself, I tend to wish to conjoin with other independent, strong willed people too....to me this is what community is about....not a matter of hiding out , though this society can be fearful, one can live within it and not be of it. I also look to the idea of traveling..for me being of nomadic ben,t while still wishing to have a "safe haven" of like minded folk, I know that communities that do exclude Change, tend to stagnate, and become ingrown....fester, and so traveling and bringing back new ideas and good energy seems as much a part of being involved as actually being there.

And maybe I am too ideal with the emphasis on Self-empowerment , and a dislike of co-dendence... . ranting against the talking with non-doing , you know ...iffn you can't talk and work at the same time, we appreciates silence, though I know that intense communication includes focused listening and careful choice of words to tranfer accurate meanings and information , and as such must have a time set aside for it...that should not be the norm and the end all be all.

And above all , apart from what I generally hear on this board, I want to work hard and long and be around others that do the same....seems that real living involves that, and that "hanging out" and non-work, tend to be the antithesis of being in a community that can survive its inmates.

gees maybe that's why so few have wished to partake, that and the idea I have that with the first few especially one must be careful that they are indeed of like mind, seems that as soon as you let the "rabble" in , those that specialize in talking rather than work tend to take over...and the workers quietly leave to go elsewhere.....maybe not too charitable a picture...but one bolstered by long experience.

ok rant over you all can take the covers from the ears.... I speak here less, too much work to do and less so maybe it'll be a good while before the next one...lol

Blessings y'all

Namaste

 

Well, although all of those needs are valid, I don't see how in the hell they are mitigated WITHOUT community!

 

That is a nice focus..

Personally I think those ideas would make a good community; I think space is important also traveling I agree that stagnation leads to weirdness and bullshit.


I would probably be living in a small alternative community if I didn’t have kids but I can offer my kids more in general society then I can in a small community.

I do think community is good for a lot of people I really enjoyed it when I lived in communities, it is a lot better then living in a place no one knows your neighbors and watches T.V. all evening.

But it’s not for everyone, the majority of people return to general society.

 

seeker, we too have many of the same concerns with communes. Intentional communities may be a better place to search if the better half is having these sorts of issues over a commune type situation. That way you have your separate living quarters and privacy and time alone yet still have the community aspects of it. Unfortunately most communes are much as zihger has explained and i dont know of any where these issues are not ISSUES.

The saving acct on the side seems like a darn good plan if you can afford to do that beforehand in order to safeguard your future in case things do sour. ..

I would suggest looking more into the Ic's rather than a traditional commune

 

Thank you everyone. A lot to think about there.

Zihger, I thank you for sharing those words of caution that seem to come from experience. I know there can be a bad time to be had for sure and caution and situational awareness are critical at all times, in both the immediate and long term situations.

rainbowgeek, I agree with you in most ways. Especially that our current society will fail sooner or later and likely sooner. You're community is relatively new and I ask you to stick around and keep us all informed of the progress and happenings, both successes and failures, so that we may all learn from and share your experience.

Oldwolf and Diligaf, input from experience is what I value most. Both of you hit on a common thread, that is that intentional community may be more viable than a commune. I think you are certainly right.

I think that a lot of the negative things to be said about living in communes or IC's have a direct equivalent in general society. Safety; home invasions happen in the city as much as anywhere. Financial; most farmers are poor and most americans are in debt, conversely I see no reason why with good planning a community can't be prosperous and share the profit. Privacy; well in general society you may have more privacy but even in a small town most people know everyones business. And sometimes I think we have too much privacy, like what zihger said about neighbors not knowing each other and watching tv all night. And Failure; everything in life is a gamble. Look at the current economy and foreclosure crisis, failure can happen anywhere too.

If and when we do go to a community I will be aware of the possible problems. I do think I will look for a IC rather than a traditional commune. And I will definitely have a savings and back up plan.

Thanks to all who've contributed so far!

And I would still love to hear more, especially from community veterans or current residents!!

Are there other potential problems we've overlooked?