Need honest opinions on how to handle this situation with my daughter's father

Background: My daughter is 8 months old, father and I are not together, broke up 9 months ago when he cheated and moved out(love him dearly but thats the dealbreaker), we have an amicable relationship, not messing around, no drama, no arguments at all. Until now.
Yesterday I took my daughter to her father's hse for the weekend (a few weeks ago he moved into a hse). I took a tour of his hse to check out where my daughter would sleep. we were on the porch talking when a chick and her son walked up. I spoke, he didn't introduce her, so i didn't knw if she was there for him or his roomie, so figured she was of no importance. I have told him b4 that I know he is going to date and to not have my daughter in bed with u and another woman. abt 20 min later, when im home she called (his phone). Saying did he tell u he had a gf and we live together. I said no. she started talking about how she felt I needed to know in case there were any probs. I said (still very calm) why r u calling me? she said he told me to. I said put him on the phone. He says he felt it had no relavance. I said who you have my child around is of relavance, I don't care what u do in your personal life but i would like to know ppl that she will be around, especially if they live there, of course I won't know every woman but I expect every woman not to meet my child either. she was yelling at him abt this, I asked where is the baby. she was right there. so i said u all are arquing in front of her. I said i don't like her in that environment im coming to get her, which i did.
now when i got over there, he came out, she did also after him. just yabbing yabbing yabbing. I said no disrespect but I need to speak with my daughter's father, I could care less about your relationship but thanks for letting me know since u felt i needed to. she kept talking and I asked her twice to excuse herself. she said u all can talk with me here. i was getting upset bc all this is unneccessary. She was making a scene. I said if and when u become mrs only then will u become a part of a conversation about our child until then u have nothing to say to me.
He went in the hse to get the carseat, him and I stood by the car and talked for a while. He is telling me to trust his judgement, which I normally do, but u can't even be truthful about who is living with you I have never even seen this woman, she is new on the scene (to my knowledge) it would be different if u have been around a while. u are more afraid I will be upset, I have told him our relationship is separate from the one u have with your daughter so even if i am upset with him, i have never taken it out on my baby and his relationship. I feel he sets the precedence on what my daughter will accept from a man, I don't want her seeing him with several women bc I don't want her to think thats okay. I don't know how to proceed. am i blowing this out of proportion? she is making a scene over something small, isn't it usually the babys mom who starts drama? I think I have handled myself very calmly but I feel very disrespected. what should i do? I feel he could have handled the situation better. he knew i was on my way, he could have told her, I need to speak with my daughters mom please stay inside. when she didn't, he should have checked that behavior. in addition, when she did come out, he still didn't introduce her, so how important is she really ( I guess thats none of my business either though).

 

First off, I do feel that he is being immature getting the girlfriend to call you. That was stupid.
I also feel that she was out of line butting in to your convo, she sounds jealous if she can't let you two talk about your daughter alone.

My opinion is that as long as no one is doing anything illegal around the baby, he can live with another woman and you'll have to get used to it. If he has a new girlfriend every time he sees your daughter, that is still his business and it isn't grounds to deny him visitation, as long as he is taking care of the baby properly. Do you plan to tell him the intimate details of YOUR life?

She won't necessarily grow up thinking it's ok to be constantly changing partners. I have a 20 year old niece whose father is fairly useless and a drug addict who only dates skanky women. She is disgusted and embarrassed by him.

 

True enough, you are right and as stated before intimate details are none of my business, I just feel it would have been courtesy to let me know who is in the house my daughter is also in. It my opinion that a parent shouldn't introduce significant others to children until ur sure this is something serious. and he even told me he didn't tell me bc he wasn't sure. so if thats the case why have her around the baby. i feel he was totally rude to her, the time we were standing there talking he still didn't acknowledge her as gf, his story was that she only has clothes there and has her own home. but if thats the case she wouldn't have made a scene. I don't want my baby getting attached to every woman he dates, its not right. I would never deny him visitation he is a great dad, I just want to know my baby is safe. if u have women u hardly know around her, I can't confidently know she is.

 

sadly for you, there's nothing you can do about any of it.

for your daughters sake it's best to get along with everyone ... even his new honey. some people anticipate this type of stuff and write it up in their divorce papers but you didn't so there is nothing you can do. she probably won't be the first or last in his life.

i've had 5 stepmoms in my life and they all SUCKED from my pov.

in your second post you spoke of courtesty from him. he cheated on you there is no courtesty with this guy for the most part unless that was a one time oops. if he's a great dad like you claim then you should know your baby is safe because great dad's won't put thier babies in danger. unless he marries this girls or stays with her forever there's nothing you can do to prevent your daughter from getting attached to his numerous honies if he chooses to have numerous honies. eventually as she gets older she will learn not to get attached.

the only way you could have prevented this entire situation is to stay with a cheater or spell it out in your divorce papers.

 

i gave my answer over in the men's issues forum.