*This has been copied and edited from my Deadjournal. I'm not trying to be belligerent or disrespectful. I'm just trying to be insightful and honest. I hope you'll read this with an open mind.* In this book I'm reading right now, the protagonist observes a group of women ridiculing and harassing a young, unwed mother for taking her baby out for a stroll. The setting is 1914 Brooklyn and I'm sure this sort of thing went on all the time. Anyway, after watching these women antagonize this poor girl for not only being happy with her baby, but perhaps having more joy out of creating it than they ever would, the protagonist vows to never trust a woman and claims that she hates them. Sadly, I could understand. I understood all of that. It was jealousy that provoked these women. It was jealousy that made them band together to hurt another woman. It shouldn't be that way, should it? Shouldn't we be banding together to help one another through the sticky marshes of this life? Shouldn't we be united in our common struggles with the double standard and the ever-present patriarch? And yet, it isn't this way at all. Women are jealous creatures. Jealousy isn't a natural emotion, you see. It's a learned state of mind. We've learned this from other women - mothers to daughters, and so on and so forth until we are all bound together in the ugly, ensnaring thread of envy. This is what binds us together. Men don't do this to each other. A man is who he is on the inside as well as the outside. When a man has something to say to another man, he says it to his face. They may fight with guns, knives and fists, but women fight with invisible weapons. Women manipulate, betray, destroy and solicit false promises. Women tell you one thing with their hands, eyes and lips then the complete opposite with their words. Although you may still be alive when she's done with you, inside you're not. You've been humiliated or completely torn apart inside. And this doesn't just happen to women who are lovers, women will do this to their friends. Mothers to daughters. Sisters. It doesn't stop. I don't want to have this opinion of my own gender, but it's so true. Why can't we be happy for one another? Why do we grumble angrily to ourselves when we see a woman happy with another woman or another man? Why do we glare at the girl who walks past with the legs/hips/hair we covet so pointlessly? Why do we gossip furiously about the women who rise past the kitchen into positions of power previously held only by men? I want women to be bound together in their gentleness, wisdom and all the other magical things that make us so special. But it isn't like this, it's envy. It's women turning on other women that winds and weaves us together. And not only do we have jealousy, we like to invoke it as well. There's not one woman on this fucked up planet that can say she isn't guilty of this. Not one. Well, I won't do it. I won't be a part of it anymore. This vicious cycle ends with me.
Hi Mysterious....LOL...so we meet on the womens' forum. Nice letter and I can appreciate where you are coming from. I work in a place with 9 other women and yes! it can be bitter. It is a never ending battle. We have a male boss and you can just imagine the "fight for the ladder to his good graces". I'm with you on this. I like your last little paragraph about women being bound together in their gentleness, wisdom and all other magical things. Bravo! I must say though, I do see the jealous side of men come out when they are in a relationship. I have experienced this first hand with every man I have ever been with. Regardless, I loved reading your thread and do agree with you. Whaddya say we change the world
good post mysterious night. i've been working on this with myself for many years. and it IS a part of myself that i despise. just when i think i've conquered this demon is rears it's ugly head again. nevertheless, i will never give up trying to rid myself of this ugly thinking. it's one reason i call myself sweet deviant. my behavior, in the real world is very sweet, yet the thoughts that go through my head sometimes are the opposite. YUCK!
Ya, I find that life will keep throwing the same problems at me over and over until I deal with them. Not just with jealousy, but with other things also...relationship problems, ego problems etc.
i've never had anything but trouble with the women i've worked with. primarily middle aged women who didn't have the good sense and confidence to ask for what they thought they should earn, AND because i did well in male dominated areas and conversations. sorry, i grew up in INCREDIBLY masculine situations and family. that's that. it woulda been really awesome to have the sorts of women around who wanted to do something other than bitch about men and other women. but i don't have time for those sorts, i don't want them bringing me down. i once had one of the mom's from the mother center invite me over for "margaritas with the girls. we'll bitch about our husbands and make fun of what people are wearing." i never called her back.
Yeah ive had to quit quite a few jobs already that were all women environments as i couldnt take all the bitching and bullying. What a shame. There ARE a lot of these bitter, jealous women, i find that so sad. Good post. Im glad some of us are conscious of it and are not becoming part of the problem
Thanks! I just hate that what seems to motivate women the most is jealousy towards other women. We are the same underneath it all, and I wish things were different.
if you don't participate in it, it will make a difference for you and those around you who appreciate it. it will make you a better woman.
yea I feel like at a young age women are raised to compete for men... they need to be the prettiest and the sweetest out of everyone.... a lot of women feel like they'll look prettier by pointing out the flaws in other women... personally my mom is a total feminist so I was raised not to care about how I look... I only cared about my weight b/c I took ballet... anyways I started to resent women in middle school when some of the girls in my class would bully me for how ugly I am and call me fat b/c at this point I was no longer taking ballet so I ate w/e I want
Oh I', with you, MysteriousNight, I feel the same way!... Today happened something that drove me mad and incredibly jealous, it's a stupid situation and I know that if I were a man it wouldn't bother me....Every day I try to learn from my male friends how to be more calm and relaxed about it but somehow woman in me still feels this jealousy..... I just wish it would stop.....
