Ego reactions on discussion boards

Discussion boards are a particularly potent arena for egos to surface. There is the fact that the primary mode of communication here is through thoughts and concepts, which is largely the domain of the ego. There is also the incredibly seductive and enticing tendency to keep the point of view focused on THE OTHER instead of on oneself.

Focusing on the other has its place and can be helpful. It's often easier to spot ego in another than in oneself. But here is a potential trap. As long as we only see it "out there" then we are stuck and unable to transcend it within.

I often notice a particular dance that takes place on discussion boards. Something is posted and then instantly there's a reaction to that post, followed by reactions to the reaction, and so on and so forth. Except no one is seeing their own reaction because they're so entirely focused on "the other". There's this constant finger pointing: I SEE EGO IN YOU... ad infinitum.

There's a little system I've developed for myself, while engaging in internet discussions. When reading a post I try to do this, as often as I can remember to.

STEP 1: Look within and notice any ego reaction. Be with that. Encase it in space, thus freeing the Self from identification with it. Stay in this mode until I feel relative lightness and peace.

Some things to be aware of: The ego always speaks first and loudest. It's always quick to react and try to defend or inflate itself, sometimes through the attempt to deflate another. It does this whether provoked or not. It is an opportunist... always seeking to be MORE THAN in one way or another. It revels in criticism and finger pointing, thus assuring oneself that "I'm right" and "he/she is wrong". It always wants to project error "out there" so as to avoid seeing it "in here".

STEP 2: Respond to the other, not react. Respond from intuition, from guidance, and ONLY if guided to respond at all. This is an important distinction, because often no response is truly called for, and it is the ego that always wants to have something more to say, to have the last word. So if and when a response is called for AND is guided, it's only directed to the Higher Self of another, never to their ego. What you respond to, you will reinforce, both in yourself and in the other.

The ego can't stand to let deflatement stand undefended. What do I mean by that? Let's say if someone criticises or reacts to your posts, possibly misunderstanding you completely, or else simply pointing things out in such a way that your ego feels knocked down a peg or two, the automatic pull is for the ego to try to protect and defend itself. It feels deflated so it tries to regain its former strength. How does it do that? By reacting, often even with more strength and vigor than it exerted before.

But what would happen if you simply let the criticism hang in the air without lifting a finger to defend yourself? The ego finds this excruciatingly uncomfortable. It writhes and moans and tries in every way to find some means of reinforcing itself. But without you honoring that attempt, without you unconsciously going along with the drive to re-inflate, after a while the ego just drops away. And what's left is this incredible lightness and peace. And the realization... there's no need for defense, because I truly can't be attacked... because who I am is WHOLE and FULL now, as I am, without an image to protect.

 

I agree. nicely written. you have a nice way with words. Comes out so poetic.


One thing I will say, is that discussions can go either way. 4 people can discuss a topic, each of whom come from different backgrounds and see the specific topic in different perspectives. While they might not be entirely in line with your perspective, it's important of rthe reader to absorb and learn from what the writer is trying to say, provided that, as you said, he doesn't let his ego get the best of him.

I think everyone's opinion is a valid one. Everyone's got something to say, and it's enlightening to see how different people from around the world see certain subjects in different ways, offering new ways of looking at certain things. I don't have to agree, but understanding why they think it is always fun.

 

Hi clegg, thank you for your kind words. I absolutely agree with you. There are so many wonderful perspectives to share. And isn't it true that truth can be spoken of (meaning pointed to) in so many different ways? Of course many of us can sense different degrees of truth and clarity in people's words, but without defensiveness we can accept all such sharing as gifts to us. Either they help us see something more clearly, or they give us an opportunity NOT to react. That's why I think STEP 1 is so important to follow BEFORE STEP 2. This way we look within first and check our own reaction before responding.

 

I've come across what I'd consider some very extreme reactions from some people now and then on these forums.
It's really become difficult for me at times - because it's hard to know how to or if to react to some of the stuff that gets thrown at you, esp if you are critical of people's beliefs.
It seems some people get very emotional about such things, which probably is a factor which blinds them to seeing anything beyond their usually limited vistas.

I'm afraid the unfortunate truth is that as well as many well motivated and intelligent people who post here, there are also a certain number of others who seem to be somewhat imbalanced. That's being kind - too kind perhaps in some cases, because there are also those who seek only to act as trolls.

That may sound judgemental - like my ego sounding off. Perhaps to some degree it is, but I'm sure others will agree with my general point.

But otherwise - yes - I think if someone is getting angry, upset or worked up by something they find on these boards, they need to look within themself for the real cause of it. Thats often true in life in general though too.

I'd better balance this out too and say that I've also come across some lovely people on here and had some very good discussions.

 

People are often mirrors for us. We become critical of others while overlooking our own "stuff". Often it's BECAUSE we overlook our own stuff that we project it and see it "out there". So we send the criticism out and become surprised when it returns to us like a boomerang.

Yeah, when ego buttons are pushed all vision and open mindedness stops.

It's easy to see the imbalance "out there". Often it's easier to see it out there than within. But that's why it's so important to look within first, to mind our own business so to speak. We can't really change anyone out there. Criticism surely won't do it, it'll just reinforce the ego defenses. We must enter clarity first before we can hope to extend it. Easier said than done. It's VERY tempting to focus out there and leave it at that.

Definitely. This is true everywhere, not just on discussion boards. But it's helpful to observe it here.

 

very true.

It's so much easier to identify ego distortions in others while we forget that we are doing the same exact thing ourselves.

 

I've decided to release my ego in my signature.
If I read something that I may react with...
I look at that and relax.

 

LOL! Good one Odon!

 

Often on the boards i'll read something which presses my buttons a little and i'll just examine those feelings for a moment and then decide that replying would just be a bottomless void of ping pong resentment, and not bother posting anything.

I'm getting quite good at it now

 

This little prayer just came to me regarding responding to someone's ego reaction (or my own). For some reason, whenever I pray, I always address Spirit as "Father", so I'll go ahead and post it like that.


Father, let it stop with me.
Let me hold this rumbling angst
And keep it here awhile.
Let me refrain from tossing it,
Like a hot potato, into the hands of another,
Who may not know what to do with it,
And be scalded in its passing.
It only seems hot to the touch.
It only seems unbearable.
But let me bear it long enough
To know the truth of it.
And then take this from me
So that this maddening cycle
Can end here.
And in its wake, let only peace remain.

Amen.

 

that's great LL!

 

Thing is though, without the ego, by which I mean the sense of a separative being, we wouldn't be communicating at all. If we were all actaully situated fully in the divine consciousness, we'd have no need of crudities such as language to communicate with other aspects of our Self.

 

Yeah we need to befriend our egos if we are gonna be human and live in duality. I guess there is a balance, a perspective needed.

A question; do we need to experience the extremes of both our spiritual and animal natures to find and understand that balance/perspective?

 

ask yourself..

who is saying that we need to befriend our egos, and find balance to be human?

who needs to experience both extremes to understand?

is it you?

or who is it?

 

BBB... this is a big assumption. How do you know that there wouldn't be a purpose for such communication? Ultimately bodies are not needed for communication, but most of us aren't accessing the ultimate. So communication via bodies (language, thought, writings, spoken word) is practical in the short term, in this stage of awareness. That doesn't mean it requires ego (identification with a mind-made sense of self) to utilize such communication. If that were the case then enlightened masters would never have spoken or communicated a thing. The whole premise of enlightenment is that there is no longer ego identification. When everyone awakens we may no longer need to manifest bodies (illusion of separation) in order to commune with one another. In the meantime... whatever works to promote awakening will be utilized. It's marvelous really... the stuff of the dream is used in order to awaken.

 

The way I see it is that no be-friending or be-enemying is necessary. Simply a recognition of what is true and what is false. An identification with an illusion about ourselves... that is false. Identification with form.... that is false. What is true? What remains beneath such identifications.

The balance and perspective comes from first recognizing the difference between form and essence, recognizing WHO WE REALLY ARE, and then USING form without LOSING ourselves in it.

This question doesn't make sense to me. You're speaking of duality here. Our Spiritual nature exists outside the realm of duality. The animal nature is simply the world of form. So to experience the extremes of essence and form... that doesn't make sense. We either know ourselves as Essence while using form, or we become lost in the world of form and think that this is who we are. From that latter perspective, spirituality is seen as nothing more than another form identity "the spiritual seeker".

 

Can't help but think that the best way is to just ignore the ego completely. It won't go away, but it won't be so much of an issue. I've seen many a decent discussion derailed because user A thinks user B needs to regulate his ego or whatever. Users C, D & E were happy enough to carry on with the debate, but if any of them dare to mention this to user A, user A will naturally attack them for their egos as well, and before you know it user C, D and E are making ego reactions, but only as a result of being accused of making them ad infinitum. User A "wins" because the other Users aren't interested in arguing about arguing about arguing, the debate dies on its arse.

It's just another word to throw around, like "projection" and "denial". If no-one mentions them, they're not issues; if someone does mention them, chances are they'll end up becoming the only issue

 

Ignoring and denying something only sends it underground and gives it more power. Bringing it to light, recognizing it so that we can become aware of when and how it's operating, is how we can be free of its influence.

 

I think people's "ego reactions" are what make this place interesting...I don't think I would enjoy my time here near as much if everyone was civil and "controlled" all the time.

 

That's a rather generic fluffy comment, isn't it? What I'm saying is that nothing is actually being "brought to light". These words are pure fluff. They mean nothing and the ideas that they describe only exist when they're so named. Trust me, the Internet is full of people whose response to being proved wrong/ignorant/stupid is to cry "projection!" on their accuser. The result is that we apparently can't have an opinion about anyone else, because the opinion says more about us (and thus apparently NOTHING about anyone else!).