People who are too busy and got too many friends

This is a major realization here given my past and very recent experiences. They creep me out.

I think the main problem is that I feel certain people are unable to prioritize. People and things are always interchangeable to them. They are always in control because they are afraid to get too close.

And even though they seem very independent, there is neediness in that. I've been guilty of being one of those people myself in periods of my life.

I think that is why I now feel I have lots of people in my life I could do "exciting things with" but no unconditional friendship where keeping company is enough.

I spoke to an old college friend in San Francisco two days ago and it made me realize that to him my friendship is unconditional and that he can take two hours away from his time at a party to simply shoot this shit.

That's what's been missing in my life. You guys ever feel this way?

 

Yes. Fresh out of high school I landed a real decent job and quickly found ways to make extra money. I'd spend my entire day, outside of work, driving back and forth across the city. Picking up...dropping off... hanging out while picking up or dropping off. I can safely say I knew a couple hundred people and saw them generally at least once a month.

I didn't seem to have anybody to talk to though. Sure we'd sit and talk about how good the weed was and how other people tax etc or something similar, but I didn't have anybody to look at and say, "Man, I need some advice". Or anything even remotely similar. Out of that mix did come a few great friends though, and ever since that period in my life ended I've played things closer to the vest. I constantly remind myself that I only have room for a certain number of people and that I better choose them wisely.

These days I stay very loyal to those who stay very loyal and I make no hesitation to cut somebody from 'the team'(as I call it) regardless of the length of the relationship or how well I thought I knew them. Once it becomes obvious that they no longer fit my life and I no longer fit theirs, I move forward. This ensures I can always trust the people around me, and also that when it comes time to hang out/chill what-have-you, it's always a good time for everybody.

Not to mention, I have goals in life. If your goals and my goals are too completely different life is going to take us our separate ways regardless, so why keep pretending otherwise.

Some say it's smart. Others say pretentious. I say I've got room for 5 starters and a few on the bench. The rest of the world is currently in try-outs.

 

"Beware those who seek constant crowds, for they are nothing alone."

-Charles Bukowski

 

i have my boys and thats about it. i have other people i chat with...i feel a bit lonely though, because its hard to hang with my boys, because of the distance between us. only 2 i get to hang with on a regular basis, because they are right outside of boston, so its not hard to get out there or for them to come to boston...the others, we have to actually plan to hang out, and with the price of traveling, its not feasible most of the time.

i'm trying to spread my social circle out a bit...but i find it a bit hard to do so, because i tend to keep to myself, but i'm working on it

 

love that drunk bastard

 

I totally hear ya on that one prax. I could have a good conversation over a few beers with you on that topic.

 

guilty. But Ive been a hermit for about 2 weeks now. Im in a self coccoon thats much needed. Im going to be born something more precious.

 

My favourite thing is to have a group of close friends. Like I did in highschool. But lately everyone seems so superficial. The only thing to do is club. Its tiresome. You try to keep up, but it isnt me, right. The whole me.

 

Taking the time to enjoy you is a good thing. So is quiet.

I try to go out a lot in the winter months(football and typically shorter hours with the kind of jobs I work), and then spend the majority of spring andsummer keeping to myself, really.

 

I hear ya Cate. I can group up every now and then and myself a blast but as a whole It's usually me and KC.

 

I used to hang out with a girl who was like that.. she knew a ridiculous amount of people and was always busy like hardly ever sleeping.. but she was such a coke-head.. and the most disturbed person I've ever known.. she couldn't be alone, ever, or relax, ever.. yet she was the loniest person I've known.. and she was always either too confident or hated herself.. she was a liar and a manipulator, and very immature.

Anyways, I always say.. sometimes, it's better to be alone than in bad company.

 

I like having a small group as well, but I usually get tied in with a huge group...which is alright for some things, but rather annoying most of the time.

 

I don't like hanging out with too many people at once, or else I feel like I can't give my full attention to each of them.

I am an extremely faithful friend, and seek only the same in return.. which is rare, so, I don't have that many friends.. but the ones I have are gems.

There's always aqquaintances to just hang out with.. but if we don't become attached, we usually won't hang out very often either.

 

i'm both...

 

but that's a contradiction! you can't be alone AND in company.. it's either you're alone OR you're in company.. just ditch the bad company.. it's not that hard. I used to feel like I should have all these friends.. but I've realized that I only wanted *true* friends.

 

haha, i was joking. as though i'm my own bad company...

 

Sometimes if the company is bad enough it can be just the same as being alone, if you get my drift.

 

Aww

 

the many vs the one.

Is it that we aren't held as close to people with many friends by people with many friends because we can't be held as close because of the inescapability of time? Or is our grasp of reality skewed by a belief that there is such a cap on relationship?

I'm more likely to think the latter.

 

I used to be like that and then one night I was in town with "the guys" and I realised everything coming out of their mouths was utter poop and I just walked out without saying anything and thereafter only kept in contact with the few people I know with a shred of honesty.