I've got to say I like this. Maybe it's because the subject matter is something I love to bitch about too. Anyway, I have got a couple of things that I noticed in your little piece that I feel could do with a little attention. Ok, the litlle quote by Nietzsche and the opening paragraph set the reader up beautifully for what I think should be a no-holds barred, angry rant by a cab-driver. First person voice, passionate and disillusioned. But in the start of the second para, you waste a line telling me what marketing is. I already know. It doesn't sound like somebody speaking and definitely loses the passion and anger set up by the opening. How about... Take marketing. Locally, the big marketer is CJMY radio. Those guys gives meaning to the words 'foul mouthings'. I think it sounds more immediate. Shorter sentences keep an angry tone and anyway, the 'which' that you had was gramatically incorrect. The images in both of the preceding paragraphs could be made more concrete by changing the opening line too. PARA 2: Or when I'm in the supermarket, you know. There's always one of those fat old ladies in the checkout line. She's one.... PARA 3: Yesterday, I was walking my dog downtown. I passed Tim H... I dunno if this is any help to you. I just felt that this would have been better served if it had been an angry monologue by the cab-driver. Good stuff nonetheless.
When I write, "There is something... which...", I am grammatically correct, to the best of my knowledge. Are you saying I should have written "There is something... who..." ? Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned my line of work, because people have certain stereotypes which needn't be called into play. Most of my work history has been in data processing. Thanks for the constructive criticism. A good number of people at this site couldn't even spell the word "grammar".
There is something called marketing in our society which caters to these people. About the grammar, I think you are right. There is something....which... is correct. However, the line as you have it maybe needs punctuation to clarify it's meaning, as it reads like 'our society which caters to...' At least in my mind, it does. Maybe 'in our society' should be in (). I'm not sure. Anyway, it's still good stuff.
I found it brilliant. I have such a difficult time devoting attention to reading. Perhaps it is the ADD. In any case, there must exist some modicum of "attention getting" refinement. I flowed through this last work without batting an eye. I found it vivid, humorous, and somewhat graphic and true to life. I loved it. I wanted more. And mostly, I just wanted to slap the shit out of that arrogant fat bitch. We all encounter these rude, self-righteous people who have been able to permeate every facet of our lives. I felt you captured the nature of these socio-retards very well. I could absolutely see her standing there in her mumu and her house slippers, taking no pride in her own appearance. The purposeful announcement regarding your occupation, means nothing to those that already know genius spawns in the cracks as well as the canyons. In fact, I might (subconsciously), be better influenced to mind accounts from the blatant view at street level that you employ so well. Thanks for the work.
Chainz: Thanks so much. I've parted ways with the cab company, and have a part time job managing the "Giant Chess Set" downtown. However I was getting to the point where becoming a complete hermit was the only option. People don't seem to realize that radios and televisions are basically advertising machines. Furthermore, the brain records everything it hears, and has a tendency to play it back without being asked. So, you can be at 7,000 feet in the Rockies, walking through a sunny meadow, and your brain will play back ad jingles from Safeway, Factory Carpet, or Pizza Hut. This was not a problem, obviously, two hundred years ago. My defense is to use radio only when tuned to public service stations or listener supported radio (ad-free). I use my television only as a tool to play videocassettes, which are almost ad-free. If a telemarketer calls me at home, as happened three minutes ago, I put the receiver down on the counter while the caller is still connected, and walk away from it. He has chosen to waste my time, and now I am wasting his.
