Baby carrots are trying to kill me

I swear one day when I see one more commercial for them and have to buy some overwhelmed by how cute they are then realize they still are really nasty like the last time I tasted them. They will lodge themselves in my air way and they will line up to get taken out and their will be too many and I shall die. Baby carrots are murderers. I would not only die a stupid death but the coroner would laugh at me. The worst part is food has it figured out. You can't put food on trial. I hope every carrot responsible for my death finds its way to a salad slicer. A sharp one.

 

Maybe you should stick to shredded carrots? They have already been dismembered and pose little threat. Safer yet... JUICE!

 

Well seeing as carrots are the only food I will openly say I despise. I don't think any form would save me.

 

I grow carrots

they're going to fly through the sky and rain down upon you

 

Have they mad any attempts at asphyxiation yet? I think the best thing for you to do is move to a rabbit farm. You would get used to the poop everywhere eventually.

 

No God, storm, monster, or carrot is going to rain down upon me. It's all about visualizing. If your mind won't let the carrot rain down upon you the carrot won't rain down upon you. Same thing happened to Jesus. Yeah, Jesus hates carrots now to.

 

Unfortunately so but my therapist says i'll repress it with time.