I'm Growing to Hate My Father

I don't even know where to start. Maybe i'll explain the kind of person he is. He's extremely impulsive with his actions and words. He has a lot of hate and anger towards the world and is one of those people that only really trusts himself; he has a lot of friends, but never gets emotionally open with anyone, not even my mother. By bottling up his feelings all of the time he can turn into someone very unpleasant very quickly. Let me mention that he has high blood pressure and is an extremely tense person. His indecisive personality makes it very difficult to carry on a serious conversation with him because he always changes his mind and then gets frustrated because we don't understand his actual point. I can't even begin to explain the emotional pain living with someone like this has caused me and the unwanted/unnecessary stress i have built up. I've been excercising A LOT(running, swimming, etc.) lately to tone down my stress and to get my mind off of him but no matter how much effort I put into being who I want to be, he never seems to change. I've been really noticing his behaviour closely for about a year or so and it seems to be getting worse. He briefly went to see a psychologist, but stopped after the 6th appointment or so. I'm too afraid to tell him I want to go see a shrink because he'll just say something about how i'm turning into one of these crazy, stupid teenagers. Those kinds of remarks, in all honesty, hurt a lot deep down inside. What sucks even more is that i've lost faith that he will ever recognize and take responsibility for the damage he has caused me. I get bad anxiety when i'm around him(and only him), but i try not to show it because I don't want to do or say anything i'll later regret, but something like that slips out from time to time. I'm only a senior in highschool and i'm trying to get a grip of my life and he is the only thing stopping me.

I would greatly appreciate any kind of advice or just support.

-Thanks

 

My first question is what were his parents like? You father learned to be who he is from somewhere or someone (usually a combination of both). I am not saying he is blameless for his actions, but it will be easier on you if you can understand why he is that way.

My dad was a jerk. I spent a lot of my teen years mad as hell at him, and then I realized the only person suffering was me. Thats when I started realizing that my dad was a carbon copy of his father, who was a mean and spiteful man. Knowing that and coming to realize our home life shapes our personality, helped me put my relationship with my dad in perspective.

Be right with yourself, and don't take what he does as a measure of who you are. You can't change who he is, but it helps to understand what makes him that way. Maybe talk to your mom or other family members and see if they have any insights.

Best of luck to you.

 

never talk to him again.

 

You might try talking to your school counselor (If your school has one). They may be able to find a way for you to see a shrink without your father knowing about it. You're 18 and legally an adult.

I have a feeling that you love your father, but you hate who he is because you love him. Sending positive energy your way... Don't give up!

 

You're 18 and you hate your father. So it goes. You are after all at the most judgmental age there is.

My advice: spend a few years growing up, maybe become a parent yourself, then perhaps one day you'll see your own father in a new way.

 

very very SIMPLE solution to this..

move out...

you dont have to like your father,and noone is forcing you to live there or put up with him.
your now supposedly a adult,act like one and take control of your own life instead of worrying about your fathers and blaming him for your issues...