This trip was insane. I have never experienced anything so intense on acid before. I suppose the combination of some bomb tabs and alot of weed really spun me out. Here is the setting of my trip. It was on my birthday and I had decided to go to an outdoor psytrance festival, or a doof as we call them over here in Australia. I was with my best mate H and two other friends D and E. Our main reason for attending this doof, apart from great music out in the middle of lush bush, was to find some LSD. H had done acid twice before, E had done it a few times, it was D’s first time and I had done it 4 times prior. I had only known E and D for around 6 months, whereas I have known H since I was a kid. We eventually got to the doof after a couple of mishaps and it started raining, this was expected so it didn’t decline my spirits, as I was super keen to trip! The doof had changed location at the last minute, so not many people were there yet and the music wasn’t playing. We were all keen to start tripping so H and I started asking a couple of the people who had already arrived if they had any paper. We got turned down mostly and continued to ask the new arrivals who told us to wait until the doof was fairly crowded. One guy said he had liquid LSD, which normally I wouldn’t buy, but since I was at a doof I re-considered, but everyone else thought it’d be bunk so we kept looking. Finally we found some later on when it was dark and much more crowded, they had rainbow backgrounds with a yellow smiley face in the middle. Funnily enough just as we obtained these tabs, the music began. H and I took two tabs while D and E took one. About 10 minutes later H found a guy selling weed, so we bought a 50 and had some cones while waiting for the acid to take effect. There went all my money for the night; I was to be broke again for a few months, as I didn’t have a job. The next thing I remember is sitting in D’s car and just feeling strange. I was pretty stoned and it felt like my body was taking off like a rocket and leaving me behind. This was the first effect from the acid that I noticed and just couldn’t help but to sit there laughing, grinning. I remember H and I were admiring the music, saying things like ‘this music is amazing’, we are psytrance fans, where D and E are more into electro and never seemed to enjoy it as much as us that night. The next thing I remember is seeing D drawing in the fog of his car window, off his face. This is the first time I remember noticing D was tripping. It was like he was drawing an animation in the window and commentating on what was happening. He was drawing with his finger and then muttering things like, ‘there’s tha doggy and here comes the axe and ooh, he chopped his head off’ and ‘here comes a little bittle man on his skateboard but he falls off a cliff and dies’. I laughed and thought it’d be cool to draw as well, because as far as I remember I was tripping pretty nicely, no visuals but a general ‘headspace’ kinda distortion of reality. I remember at one point, as I was drawing in the window, I noticed things would bubble out of the window with rainbows on them, as a real bubble would in the right light. The fogged bit of the window, which I hadn’t touched, remained flat while the clear bit on which I had drawn would pulsate in and out of the window. I ran out of space to draw on the window and everyone was admiring what I had drawn, as far as I remember it looked very tribal and I was quite pleased with myself. My vision seemed to be skipping frames, like a video would if you cut out a few of the frames. I remember this was quite amazing to watch, and I was full of joy that I was having such a great trip so far. We sat in the car for a while, I don’t really remember what we did until it stopped raining and we made a trip to the where the DJ was playing. I wanted to dance but decided against it in fear of looking stupid. I think I remember looking over at E and seeing tracers coming from him, he seemed to speed up and slow down moving side to side even though he was standing still. There was a big visual display, like a painting of some sort, overhead the DJ, it looked like an artists impression of some DMT spirits in hyperspace. The only thoughts I can associate with these voyages from the car to the music was this inner voice, which I believe was my ego. I was saying to myself ‘what the fuck is going on, what is happening to me’, which is strange cause I’ve done acid many times and normally just go with the flow. I suppose this was not the best environment and I wasn’t ready for such a strong trip. The acid was coming on fast and there was so much going on around me I didn’t seem to be able to take in anything and instead I sat there not really knowing what was going on but still trying to work it out. And I stood there looking around at things, almost scared and fearful of what was to come, until E decided to go back to the car, so I followed him. We smoked our way through a BIG fifty that night, and for me, a 50 between four guys is a lot of weed. Taking in mind this was basically top of the range ‘one cone’ hydro kind of stuff. We got back to the car, and I think I talked to E for a while before D and H came back in the car. We decided it was time for another cone so we all had one. We were all tripping pretty hard now, and D and E decided to take their pill, which they’d brought up for the doof. They both took one each, and I remember E saying ‘ahh, that pill tasted pretty good eh D?’. I thought they were saying it to mock H and I as we didn’t have any pills, and was confused as to why they would want to mock us, but brushed it off. Although we were all inexperienced trippers, D and E are not the sort of people who would mock or joke like that, especially while tripping. Apparently the pill actually had a sweetener in it to dilute the sour taste of MDMA. I was already experiencing deluded hallucinations, obviously because I was constantly trying to interpret and judge what was happening. Then H had a cone and starts asking D and E if it was a snow cone, I have no idea why he believed it might have been, but D and E kept replying ‘no it wasn’t a snow cone, but you can think it is if you want!’. This confused me, so I asked bluntly ‘did he have a snow cone or not?’ and they both said the same thing, ‘NO!’. I believed them until E said ‘if he wants to think he did, he can’ because I heard it in a really evil and trickster sort of voice. E was only laughing at how hard H was tripping, but I thought he was laughing because he tricked H into having a snow cone. This is where things started getting intense. Suddenly I see D and E as drug dealers who have been hiding their real identities from H and I. I believed that all the drugs here were from D and E, and every time H or I took some we were ticking it up. Whether it was some weed, or pill in a snow cone as H had. If we didn’t pay them back they would send people after us. I was frightened cause I knew I was broke and going to stay broke for a long time, I thought all the cones I had smoked had tallied up a large bill. I failed to recognize these productions of my mind and reacted with fear and angst. I thought this is why they had mocked us about the taste of the pill, to try and make us tick up a pill. D and E took a walk to the music again and H and I stayed in the car. I remember asking H what is going on? What the fuck is happening? Are they dealers? I guess he had no idea either cause all he said was ‘I dunno’ which didn’t help. He looked like he was having a bad time too and later I found out he thought they were drug dealers as well, weird. They came back to the car, and someone pulled out a huge lolly jar. I thought all the lollies were a disguise for D and E’s pills and H started eating a couple. Suddenly he went all happy like he had stopped worrying that E and D were these drug dealers out to get us, I thought it was because he’d taken the pills disguised as lollies and D and E were satisfied with how much money they got from him. They all kept asking me ‘want a pill?’, thinking it was hilarious that I thought the lollies were pills, and then ‘want a cone’, whenever everyone had some more cones. I thought they were trying to get money out of me so kept refusing because I had no money, I’d spent it all. They simply said ‘OK’, but when they turned away I thought that they were angry and determined on getting my money. At some point when I was still trying to figure out what was happening I came up with the random conclusion that I was in a coma and dreaming everything I was experiencing and I needed to take a pill to wake up. The characters in this dream trying to get me to take a pill was my subconscious trying to tell me what to do so I would wake up to the real world. I asked D and E, do I need a pill to wake up!!!??? But they said no so I disregarded that thought instantly. I was so distraught because I’d never felt like this on acid before. I didn’t know what to do and my brain was ticking over at a millions miles an hour trying to understand what was going on. Someone turned on the CD player in the car to listen to ministry of sound and I believe I began experiencing synesthesia, where my vision was crossing over with my hearing, or vice versa? Each sound or note the music made would produce a thought or vision that was displayed to me. The music would repeat itself and every time it went back to the start of the verse, the visions would cease. As it started up again the visions would start in unison with the music. The notes of the music were controlling my visions and each note produced a thought or vision, which I could not control. It’s hard to tell what was actually going on, it could have been a thought loop that went round and round in unison to the music, I’m not sure. All I know is that my thoughts were controlled by the music, that’s how it felt. I was unaware to what was actually happening and so my desperate attempt to know what was going on interpreted this experience as music written by D and E in order to control my mind. The visions I began experiencing led me to believing that D and E were Gods of the ‘trip world’. They could do anything they wanted and I thought they were controlling my mind through the music. I thought I was strong enough to fight their mind control so I tried harder to control my thoughts and stop the visions but they just increased. All this was doing was resisting the effects of the acid. I began to believe D and E were giving me a taste of what insanity would be like if I chose not to obey them, but I kept trying to fight it, hoping I could overcome them. Really all I was doing was resisting the acid, holding onto my delusional conclusions or interpretations. I was just completely unaware to my ego’s tricks. Eventually for some reason I came to the conclusion I was stuck in a psychosis and if I didn’t get out of the psychosis before the acid wore off, I would be psychotic for evermore, a classic hallucination a failed to recognize. I thought D and E had put me in a psychosis in order for me to obey them, so I yelled ‘OK, fine I will have some cones!’, ‘Should I have a pill too, what do you want from me??’, confused they said I didn’t need a pill but gave me a cone. I was hoping by having a cone I would be ticking up their drugs so they made money, which would make them happy enough to reverse my insanity. I thought it did make them happy, and I thought D and E started trying to reverse my psychosis so I could be sane again. I started to feel happy but slowly I found new ways to hold on and I started to believe they had made a mistake with my mind and gone too far, that they were having trouble reversing the process because they’d fucked me up too much and forgotten how to bring me back. I still felt just as worried as confused as before. I think I began to believe something along the lines of the ‘the butterfly effect’ theory. But where D and E knew how to control the outcome of the future through there movements. Suddenly it looked as if E and D got nervous, I focused on them and as my ego tried to understand what was happening, I heard parts of their conversation leading me to believe that E was D’s servant and D was the real god who could control the future. Suddenly I was getting visions that the cops had come to the doof and we needed to leave. The music stopped, I heard people shouting and saw cops walking around with torches outside. But D and E had to reverse my insanity before we left otherwise it couldn’t be reversed. Time was ticking and they weren’t sure how to act to make my future a sane one, they’d fucked up. These visions I was experiencing were so intense I couldn’t differ them from reality. I kept seeing visions that were extremely frightening. I ended up interpreting these visions to be possible future’s I could choose from and I had to make the right movements in order to choose a happy and safe future. I believed if I wanted to come out of my delusional and psychotic state I needed to make the right movements to determine an outcome where I was sane. D and I walked out of the car and went into the bush were we found a secluded bridge. For some reason I believed the bridge stopped time. I had come to believe time was ticking until I had to choose one of the futures and if I didn’t ensure I made the right movements for a good future, I would make movements for a bad one, one where I would end up insane or dead. When I was on the bridge, away from the crowd and noise I felt much better and happier. I experienced many wrathful visions, all of which I thought were possible futures. I believed I was making the movements to control these outcomes and that I needed to make a certain set of movements to ensure a safe future. I saw H die of dehydration, D die after jumping off a bridge, all of us dying when D took the car for a spin, D pushing E off a bridge, H going insane for the rest of his life, D and E Gods or superior beings of the psychedelic world, D and I getting lost in the middle of the bush and a lot more which I just can’t recall, they were just the most memorable and scariest ones too watch. At times when D and E spoke, I thought they were trying to guide or help me, in choosing the right future or warning me when I chose the wrong one. I believed that when I was choosing or looking at one of these ‘possible futures’ in which someone died, D or E would say something as a warning and I’d realize this future resulted in someone’s death, so I would quickly try to think of something else. I have no idea what was going on even now, I just remember thinking that I was choosing futures with someone’s death, or psychosis, when really they were just wrathful visions the result of my ego holding on and me being unsuccessful at realizing these visions were productions of my mind. Every time I tried to relax, let go and just observe the visions as my ego dissolved away, a thought or interpretation of what was going on would jump up in my mind, almost as if it was one last hope I would hold onto my ego, and then these menacing visions and delusions would start again. I remember D kept on saying ‘it feels like my teeth are falling out’ and ‘oops, there goes another one’, in reference to his teeth, probably because of the pill. But I believed it was because he was warning me that the future I had chosen or was looking at was leading to someone’s teeth being knocked out. I would start to let go of my ego and relax and when he spoke my ego would interpret what he said as a warning and I’d start to remember it was a future and become distraught again. The first time he said it I thought it was H’s teeth and quickly guided my thoughts away, then later on he repeated it and I thought he sounded angry, I thought this was because this future was knocking his own teeth out, and again but with my teeth. I still thought I needed to hurry up and choose the right future before the trip ended otherwise I would stay insane. So when I had a vision of D and I getting lost in the bush, I thought it was a possible future where we were safe, so kept saying to D ‘is it OK if we get lost in the bush? D, IS IT OK IF WE GET LOST IN THE BUSH? QUICK!’ and when he said ‘no?!!’, thinking I really did want to go and get lost for no reason (I’d joked about doing it in the past), I quickly tried another future. Then when D lost his teeth I thought it was a better alternate to someone’s death and remember thinking ‘teeth can be replaced, it’s better than having someone’s death on my conscience’, so thought it would be an OK future. Really it was just a result of my strong ego desperately trying to hold onto any of its old comfortable, understandable reality, not realizing these visions came from the drug. I kept opening the car door because I was so uncomfortable sitting in the back seat, I felt sick like a disgusting, uncomfortable energy was rushing around my body. Almost like when you are TOO stoned. I wanted to stretch my legs, and D would shout ‘don’t open the door!’ Suddenly my brain clicked again, like solving a mystery and I believed all the doors had to remain closed at all times to determine a safe outcome, and if one of the doors were open for a long enough time, someone would die. I asked D, ‘if I open the door does someone die?’ and he said yes just to make me keep the doors shut because it was raining. They all said I was acting crazy and they were worried because I was so fucked and didn’t know what to do. I started to relax and let go then I heard D murmur and my thoughts jumped at the chance, interpreting it as D warning me I was choosing the wrong future. I thought if I let go, relaxed and emptied my mind, then a bad future would happen. So every time I came close to letting go of my ego, I would suddenly think I had chosen a bad future and letting go would set that future in cement. I looked at H who was leaning out the door trying to get his mouth wet with rain because he had cotton mouth from the weed. I grabbed him and pulled him back in the car and shut the door shouting ‘don’t open the door!’, thinking I just saved him from dying. Time was ticking and I thought I had to choose a future fast otherwise I was going to die or become insane. I believed the closer I got to the end of the trip, the less safe futures were available for me to pick. I remember not being able to understand how my mind would comprehend the fact I chose the future once the trip was over, how I would deal with knowing it was my fault if anyone got hurt and how the future would happen or play out – couldn’t I try to change fate? I decided I’d try hopping out of the car and going for a walk, I made everyone hop out of the car at the same time to ensure no doors were left open. I thought there was the possible future of H dying from dehydration, and I think this was because he kept saying ‘I need a drink, I need a drink,’ so I ran over to a group of people and begged them for a drink. They gave ME a sip of some bourbon and cola and I felt relieved that H’s dehydration was not needed to be worried about anymore, thinking I made the right movements to eliminate that outcome. I remember whenever we left the car, H kept complaining that he needed some more cones in a variety of ways; ‘I need more bud!’, ‘I need some cones!’ or ‘I need to smoke some brew!’ and he wouldn’t stop saying it until we decided to go back to the car and load him a cone. Every time he got the bong in his hand with an already loaded cone he’d change his mind and didn’t want to smoke it anymore. He did this numerous times and no matter how many times I asked him, he wouldn’t tell me why he was doing it, he probably didn’t know himself. It was a strange thing to watch. I thought somehow with D’s help I had figured out the right movements to a safe future which was; find two tabs to buy for 30 bucks, go to the car give E his tab to make him happy, then go to the party (which was the music) and then to the bridge. I kept repeating this out loud to stay focused on it so I would not forget and not fall into other visions. I went to the car with D to give E his tab and then we sat in the car for a while. I kept saying to myself ‘go to the party, then to the bridge,’ over and over trying to stay focused on it, but I would start to forget and my ego would make me think I was killing someone or making a bad future and I’d snap back to remembering my mission. The next thing I know D was leaning over saying to me ‘focus on me, stay away from the mind trips’, because he was getting visions as well, calling them mind trips. I’m not sure whether they were wrathful or if he was enjoying them, he seemed to be enjoying it especially with the pill onboard. I said to D ‘we need to go to the party then the bridge,’ so we did. The bridge was an amazing place, surrounded by trees, over a huge rushing river, and I still believed time was paused. I liked the bridge and realized that’s why D had hinted to go there previously and why I was so keen to get here, because it gave me time to think. D said ‘lets go and get E and H,’ so we went back to the car. D got them out of the car, whilst I made sure the doors were shut. We all walked down the path to where this bridge was and on the way H started complaining he needed a drink again. Quickly I told him to drink his piss, thinking this was better than his death but he refused too. I begged him too because I didn’t want him to die, but still he refused. At one point I remember when we were in the car, I told H to drink the bong water and when he refused I almost drank the bong water thinking I was going to save his life. Once we reached the bridge I had a vision of him collapsing on the wooden floor and stop breathing, I thought this was because he died from dehydration. Then I saw D push E off the bridge, not knowing if this had really happened or whether these were futures that would happen if I took D and E too the bridge, I walked back to the doof with D, and somehow E and H re appeared and we went back to the car. I believed time had started up again when we got to the car, thinking I needed to hurry up and choose a future. I started seeing; H’s insanity, H’s death, my insanity and my death, I interpreted them to be the only possible future’s left. I thought I had already eliminated D or E’s death somehow and these were no longer an option. I kept seeing my death and H’s death over and over and over again. It was visions, which came to me as thoughts, and I believed it was really going to happen. It went to H’s death, and I said out loud ‘No, I can’t kill H’, everyone heard me and I think I scared them a little. I really believed I had to choose between the future of my death or H’s death and I was trying to work out which one to choose. I thought about killing myself and visions of my funeral and family came to me, I didn’t want to die. So I thought about H’s death and visions of me crying over his corpse came to me and I knew I couldn’t kill H. H kept saying my name in the real world, trying to work out if I was OK or not as I was slumped over and mumbling to myself. I believed he was yelling for help because I was choosing a future that killed him. I tried to relax again, let go, forget what was happening, and as I did this I would forget things, in particular my name or H’s name. I thought if I forgot someone’s name they would die, but really it was just my ego dying. I got a visions of H gasping for air and I knew he was about to die. I jumped up screaming ‘I CAN’T KILL H!’ and D replied ‘no, I don’t think that’s a good idea…’. They had no idea what was going on, they all seemed pretty sober by now but I was in the most intense part of my trip. I believed I had two futures’ to choose. My death, or H’s death. I made the decision to kill myself and as I made that decision a voice in my head said ‘OK, I’m going to kill myself’, trying to get me to reconsider. I think this was my ego talking. I knew I had to choose that future, otherwise H would die. Stairway to heaven started playing in the car which looking back upon was an amazing coincidence of time. I sat back ready to die. I believed in order for me to die, I had to let go of my life, let go of everything I knew, forget my name, forget everything and just let go. In states of ego death on DMT I have been unable to remember my name because I had no ego. So in order for me to completely lose my ego I had to forget about my life, forget the games I play, let go and float downstream. Everything started to go black and every time a thought popped into my head, which was my ego resisting it’s death, it would all go light again. I realized every time I resisted this death I would come back to life and H would start to die. So I believed I NEEDED to let go in order for H to stay alive. I had to let go of this world and die peacefully, because if I didn’t want to die and I thought about something in this world I wanted to hang onto, it would be H’s death. It took a lot of strength to sit there, let go and let myself die, because I truly believed I was killing myself, though I knew it was the only choice. Everything faded away until it was completely black and all I heard was Stairway to Heaven. Occasionally a thought would pop into my head about my life and things would light up a bit and I would hear H asking for help or hear him calling my name so quickly let go of the thought and let everything fade away. I concentrated on the song and just listened to the beautiful Led Zeppelin tune to stop my mind thinking about anything else. Sitting there as everything went black, thinking I was dying is beyond description. I felt bodiless, as I would in DMT hyperspace but I was in a black abyss and the only thing there was the song. I was just a nothing in nothingness. Somehow after a while I knew I had done it, I had killed myself and there was nothing more to worry about I felt amazingly happy again, like I had no more worries at all and all was at peace. All that had really happened was that I had finally freed myself from my ego. I was in a state of ego death, and it was bliss. It felt as if somebody was telling me I had chose the right path, I killed myself over anyone else and an ecstatic warmth flowed through my body. I felt reborn, rejuvenated. I didn’t hear words, but felt it through my bodiless existence, almost like the way DMT spirits communicate. I opened my eyes and looked up, looked around and saw H staring at me. I had just let go of my ego and because of it I was happy again, ecstatic, I was not delusional anymore. H said he saw the change and it was instant, he was watching me, worried, as I was slumped over talking to myself with my eyes closed. Then the next moment I looked up, and I was calm, and no longer delusional. I had just spent the whole trip hanging onto my ego and its reality and finally let go of it without realizing. I didn’t understand what had happened and didn’t care I was just happy to be out of the delusional state I was in. I went for a walk to the bridge with D, free of my ego and I knew the acid was wearing off slowly. I was not hallucinating but I remember there were white squiggly lines running through the ground when I looked at it. Almost like millions of electrical currents running throughout the ground. I didn’t take any notice of this but just admired it’s beauty and carried on with my walk. I couldn’t understand what had just happened, I was delusional, confused for so long and I snapped out of it in a second. It didn’t slowly disappear as the acid wore off, when the acid was wearing off for everyone else I was still delusional, tripping just as hard as I was at peak. As soon as I let go of my ego the delusions vanished. On the bridge I was still in awe of what had just happened, it felt amazing because I was so calm, ecstatic and content now. I thought I had control of the future and had chosen the right future. D and I talked and I tried to explain what had happened and talk about it but he had no idea so I ended up just walking around in awe. I ended up realizing it was just the acid after a while. This state I was in was like a dream, I was ecstatic and I had no thoughts entering my mind. I was just a thoughtless zombie walking around admiring everything. It was strange and beautiful. I stayed in this state of awe until the acid had completely worn off and I fell asleep in the car.
Dude that is pretty novel. Sounds like you got turned on pretty good. Good luck with your future journeys.
wow what a trip! you remember a lot! all your thought processes.. and remembering what you thought.. good report do you always smoke Gandhi when trippin?
