Stupid Random Jokes

What's the difference between a wasp and a cucumber?





They both can't drive tractors

 

but the question asks whats the 'difference'? lol.

 

Q: How has G. Bush made his cabinet look more like America?
A: Many of them are not has smart as 5th graders.
PAX

 

why did the bunny crost the road?
because it was attached to the chicken

 

So there is a snail and he is at his house, and his friend the slug walks in the door and he is all beat up and bloody. the Snail asks why he is so beat up and the slug says "I don't know, it all happened so fast.

It gets better...

So then the snail and slug get on a turtle and the snail says "oh man, were really movin' now!"

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Why did the boy stab himself in the foot with a knife?
Because he was holding it with his nonexistant hand.

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How do you kill a mouse?
Rip its ears off so it can't hear you sneak up later to kill it.

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What weighs a ton, lives a long time, likes the sun and wears an elephants skin?
An elephant.

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If someone chops a tree down in the forest but nobody is there to hear it fall, does it ever make a sound?


The Mushroom Man

 

Q:What is big and grey and comes in gallons
A: A elephant

 

That's another part of the joke xD

 

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Whats black, red and white and cant turn around in a revolving door?


A nun with a spear through her head.

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What's the difference between an onion and a whore?

Nobody cries when you chop up a whore.

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What do you call the hair between your grandmothers boobs......?


Her vagina!

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A sandwich walks in to a bar.
The bartender looks at the sandwich and says "Sorry buddy, we don't serve food here".

 

Whyd the chicken cross the road?



cause his feet were stuck in it.


Fail

 

This postman is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. He opens the gate and walks into the garden.

He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

 

This is one my friend e-mailed me...made me laugh.

Not What It Seems

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring
the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young
couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said
to himself: "Ah,young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers...
C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old
day's that he'd once enjoyed.

Suddenly he gasped and said: "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is
dead!," before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell
Jean, the police chief.

He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted:
"Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's
field making love."

The police chief smiled and said: "Come, come, Henri you are not so
old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers?
Ah,L'amour! Zis is OK."

"Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"

Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped on his push-bike, pedalled down to the field,
confirmed Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back (non-stop) to
call the doctor.

He picked up the telephone and screamed: "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is
Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked having sex."

To which Pierre replied,"Jean, I am a man of science. You must
remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very
natural.

"Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply: "NON, you do not
understand; ze woman, she is dead!"

Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed: "Mon dieu!," grabbed his black
medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other
tools; jumped in his car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's
field.

After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to
Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.
When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said: "Ah, mes
amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British"

 

What's black and white and red all over?
An embarrassed zebra.

 

How can Sarah Palin be a creationist....?

the answer is here: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/PalinIsACreationist

so funny!

 

what is the simplest way to put a shine in Sarah Palin's eyes?

shine a flashlight in her ear.

PAX

 

a horse walks into the bar and the bartender asks. why the long face?

that was off a movie i think

 

No, not in a movie but on page 5 of this thread .......LOL
PAX

 

How do you stop a charging rhinoceros?

Take away his credit card!