Make something up

Dick Chenney did not shoot a man in the face

 

Dick Cheney is not the devil

 

Last night while I was trying to sleep, I kept hearing a noise coming from outside.

I got out of bed and turned the porch light on, but it appeared that nothing was there.

I turned the light off and I returned to bed.

A few minutes later, I heard the noise again.

I went to the window and looked out into the moonlit lawn.

Much to my surprise and amusement, there were tiny gnomes tending to my garden.

 

So the other day i was swimming in a pool full of pudding and my friend calls me and asks "hey buddy.. wanna fuck some strippers and do a bunch of blow?"... So they come over.. they jump in the pool and we're doin bumps off their lovely lady lumps.. one thing leads to another and we're driving down the boulevard in this pink 66 Cadillac DeVille and one of the hookers goes "I need to take a shit" I grab my samari sword out of my glove compartment and slice her head off and yell "that's fucking gross" the other stipper is now soaked in blood.. finger fucking the headless stripper.. next thing i know we're being pulled over.. the cop is like "what the fuck is that?" and notices the headless stripper is black.. pulls her out of the back of the car and starts to beat her with his billy club.. he plants the samuri sword on her and tells us to get on about our business.. so we get a hotel.. some more blow and start fuckin the shit out of the last stripper.. we both cum in her butt and donkey punch her.. thing is my buddy was Mike Tyson and he snaps her neck.. wtf another dead stripper.. the crazy things that happen when you do blow..

 

semi-colons are overrated.

 

i am not an asshole and care about what others think

 

Before entering the stomache, chewed food must make its way through a japanese game show style obstacle course to test if it is worthy of satisfying your appetite.

 

The United States Government is looking out for their citizens. Everything they do is in our best interest.

 

I love cats who stick their ass in my face

 

Furbies aren't creepy

 

Putting tape on the bottom of your cat's feet isnt funny as hell

 

The grateful dead was one of the most overrated bands of all time

 

We should be spending billions incarcerating non violent drug offenders and billions bailing out white collar criminals.

 

i eat crack sandwiches for breakfast

 

Jane's addiction "stop" f'n sucks.

P.S. download this bitch from limewire if you've never heard it.

 

Nicole Kidman gave birth to a baby girl recently.

 

I took a trip to texas recently and I saw dubya porkin this lady on top of an oil well

 

Lindsey Lohan doenst make me horny

 

agreed :cheers2: <--- not a lie. sorry for not following the rules of the thread.

 

Hot wings suck when you have the munchies