Abuse advice..

I'm not sure if this is where I should put this but I need some help..


Last year, I had this boyfriend. And even before we started dating he was very sexual with me and eventually he made me give him a hand job everyday, and if there wasn't a place or time for it he found somewhere and made me skip class. Once we broke up (which was because i was feeling very sexually forced to do things and a few other normal things) I never thought much about it. But the last boyfriend and now this one.. I haven't been able to touch them there. I get this feeling that pulses through me, like a big fearful feeling.. I get scared and worried so I can't do it. And my boyfriend now he understands to an extent how it makes me feel and he asked me.. if I realized that I had been sexually abused..
I never thought of it that way.
And now I'm worried that it took a bigger mental toll on me than I had first assumed.. I just don't know what to do.

 

i would seek counseling if i were you. this experience is stopping you from doing something very natural, normal and usually fun. that's a key indication of needing some help working things through.

 

I agree 100000% with KC ( like always) very few people can work threw sexual abuse by themselves.

 

having a loving and supportive, understanding man in your life goes a long way, too.

 

My boyfriend is being very supportive of it. We had a talk tonight and will have another one soon so we can talk everything through and try to help me understand everything. I'm very lucky he's so ready to help me. He told me we'll get through everything together and he'll do whatever I need to be alright. <3<3

 

it's a heavy burden, so don't freak if he sometimes buckles under the weight. people can't be perfect all the time.

 

No.. I know that he won't be able to take it all on. I don't expect him to. But the fact he wants to make the effort says a lot to me. At least I know I have the support when I need to deal with it.

 

that's good. just remember, when people love each other, the problems and struggles of one become the struggles and problems of both.

 

:toetap05:

 

well, you're special.

 

and i'm not. i buckle.

 

Name me one instance where you have buckled my love.

 

frequently. i've been medicated.

 

oooooo K
Your as strong a woman as I know. Whats funny is your are "under the radar" strong. Unlike your friend who is "strong"

 

i'm durable, pithy and flexible. more a willow than a mightly oak.

 

a man/bf can't MAKE you give him a handjob everyday or make you skip class .... unless he's got a gun or knife to you.

you went along with the daily handjob to keep him around as your bf and may have regrets/guilt/bad feelings about it now ... you may not have liked doing it but did it because he wanted it or maybe some other reason.

you may feel violated by him, but in reality, you violated yourself by participating in something you really didn't want to do. take control of your own part in this so you can prevent it from happening in the future.

get into counseling and figure out why you allowed yourself to be in this situation on a daily basis with a bf who was using you for sexual favors ... you have the power to say no AND walk away or refuse to give a handjob to anyone. take responsibility for your own part in this.

this is a common problem with young girls becoming sexually active before they're mentally ready. physically ready is one thing, mentally ready is quite another.

 

^^ this

 

I couldn't disagree more. My ex boyfriend has a considerable size difference and he RULED my life with fear. I truely believed that if I didn't go along with what he'd say that he'd kill me. He didn't have to have a gun or any kind of weapon, I knew when I got home what the rath would be if I didn't go along with what he wanted to do. Situations like this arn't always black and white, and weapon doesn't have to be in place for you to be controlled. To assume as such is wrong.

 

I agree wit you sara. That is very true.

 

the only conclusion i can draw from comments like this is how weak women really can be and how poor we are at making good decisions for ourselves and on behalf of ourselves ... myself included, i too was in a violent relationship at one time. what would motivate a woman to stick around someone they fear so much? fear? hope for approval? hopelessness? low self esteem?

should a guy who tries and successfully receives a handjob everyday from his girlfriend be considered abusive?