Abuse advice..

Personally, a will to live. This guy would have killed me given then chance, when I left him I went into hiding.

I think a guy that tries to get a handjob everyday from their girlfriend if the girl doesn't want too is abusive. However I don't know how bad I'd consider that abuse. I love doing it, but if my fiancee kept pressing for one every day I'd probably stab him in the eye.

 

it's really just annoying, not abusive. abuse is when he threatens her if she doesn't perform the handjob.

stabbing him in the eye would be abusive ...

 

I'm blind in one eye and I manage. I'm sure he'd be fine

 

making bad decisions through weakness or ignorance is not a sex-based genetic trait. it's a human thing.

 

My ex was over 200 lbs, could hold me still with one arm and had an anger and agressive streak in him. If I said no he grabbed my wrist and made me start and held me there while I did it. Then if I didn't do what he felt i should have or if I did it not to his liking he put me down and told me I could have done better.

So it's a little more than I just wanted to please him.

 

and you kept seeing him because??????

 

I didn't mean for this to turn into an argument. I was just looking for some help to get over it.

 

it's alright, manda lou. it' snot your job to eplain how you ended up in a situation hurtful to you, just that it's ended and you can get over the pain of it and not go back.

 

Since everytime your about to or start giving your new man a hand job you start to freak out and have all of these past feelings come back up from that ex, you need to be able to get passed the fact that he abused you. it obviously is still bothering you, so you store it inside, and it comes out when something reminds you of him. let the ex go. move on from what happened if you can. and tell yourself that it was the past, and this is a new start. if you cant get passed it, then see a professional that can listen to what you have on your mind about him, and help you get passed it.

 

sweet deviant

shut up and learn to listen and understand.

ffs there are thousands of women that get hurt molested raped threatened on a day to day basis, is it ur duty to sit on your ass and try to justify for everyone one of us why and where and how come NO absolutely not. I challenge you to listen and understand everyones choices and believe i understand where Manda came from because i was there several times and lots of guys told me they'd hurt me or blah blah . Stop trying to tell her shes making an excuse. Its not an excuse.
We are not weak and if your going to talk like that how about you turn to the flip side and say -how can i help you ??
Geez does that sound better than asuming ??
or trying to make excuses.
Thats like saying if those girls walking down the street weren't wearing pretty clothes they wouldn't have gotten raped!! BS
you can never asume anyones relationship till you have ben in their shoes .

 

to the OP, what does this mean to your present relationship? that you can't have sex at all? or that you can't give a handjob? or that you can't touch him there with your hand? or that you can do all these things, but you just don't enjoy it? how exactly is your past association with your ex affecting you and your bf now?

 

if it's like anything else, i imagine that not being able to do it would make it more of a desirable activity. people are funny like that. and if she's anything like me, being afraid of doing something is going to aggravate her to no end.

 

decisions regarding choosing a good partner, returning to a violent man over and over, returning to a man to perform sex acts we really don't want to do .. over and over, falls into the behavior of women much more than men. i can only draw the conclusion that it IS a sex-based genetic trait although i wish it were just a human thing, it appears it is NOT. why are women victiminized by it so often?

 

The demands put on the OP by her ex were unreasonable and, as described (unless I'm mixing two stories) the way the demands were expressed were criminal. Even if I am mixing two stories, the demands could have been refused and effective action taken.

If/when she goes into counseling, her counselor will address both the result of being abused by her ex AND her unwillingness to take effective action to prevent it. They are both related and with a good counselor the OP will be helped to fix both those problems.

 

I am sorry. I used to be there as well.

The thought of sex repulsed me. If I were touched I would cringe. If I were approached I would go into my own space deep inside.

For me it took just making a conscious decision that no matter how my body/mind were reacting...that this was supposed to be fun and nature, a wonderful way of expressing love and affection.....so I had to mentally let go of that fear factor each and every time. over and over. letting go of the fears.....

and now I don't have this hesitance at all. it took alot and i have a great partner who was patient with me throughout it all. trust your partner, trust yourself and let go of the past.

it can be the most magical thing you have ever experienced.

 

oh, really? from the woman who hammers on how victimized men are by women nearly every time victimization comes up? i don't think so. i think you're just flowing with the convenience on this opportunity to hammer on women again. so try another tactic.

 

I'm reminded of that song from offspring about having low self esteem.

 

I know plenty of men that go back to women who cheat on them time and time again, is that not abuse? Are they not victims?


Honestly I don't understand your points half the time. You practically scream angry feminist.

 

she screams anti-feminist, actually.

 

I probably agree with you, none of my posts make scense today, I'm runnin' a fever.