A friend (context, she has Borderline Personality Disorder) has been very accusatory of me and a lot of her friends for "failing her." So the last email I got was simply: "You've failed me as a friend." Following apologies, and pledges of continued commitment to the friendship. Where to go from here? What does one say to that?
First of all don't take anything negative she says personally. Folks with BPD and related disorders often say what they feel and not what they mean (there's a big difference in the two). So don't take it at a personal level. It's just the disorder talking. The best way to respond to the statements you posted are to ask her about it directly. "How did I fail you as a friend?"; "What can I do to rectify the situation?" Things like that. Don't be confrontational about it, just be sympathetic and understanding. Posing questions like that doesn't mean you're admitting guilt or confessing you were a bad friend, You're just trying to inquire about her issues. It also has the benefit of giving her the opportunity to open up about what those issues are. Sometimes talking is the best treatment a person with a psych disorder can get. She obviously feels some kind of dissappointment about your relationship but still cares about you and doesn't want to loose you as a friend. I've had similar issues myself (with me it was OCD instead of BPD) but I was never quite as up front about my feelings as your friend has been with her emails. The only advice I could give would just be to be there for her, be sympathetic and let her work out her problems. That's really all anybody can do in a case like that.
yeah, i would have to agree, to just ask the person. they obviously just have something that they want to get out.
People with BPD by definition, absolutely live for drama and abandonment. I also have a friend with BPD and honestly, she is HAPPIEST when she pisses people off and starts fights with her family members, but then when people leave her she is devastated and doesn't understan what went wrong. It's hard, really hard to deal with people with BPD and not get sooo angry you want to tear your hair out. I'd recommend reading up on the disorder to get a better understanding of how to handle your friend, I have a really good book in my bookshelf that I'll look up the title when I get the chance. Best of luck!
I have friend who would always say 'your not a good friend'. Truth is, to this day, this person still has not even figured out what the definition of 'friend' is, and still has no good friends. Let them destroy themselves.
It's totally different, but bi-polarity and BPD often get misdiagnosed for one another. I believe BPD got it's name from originally being thought to be someone with multiple personalities, but this theory was disproved, yet they kept the name even if it was no longer accurate. People with BPD often go years of being labeled bi-polar, depressed, eating disorders, self mutilating, suicidal... and all of these are correct (minus bi-polar), but all of those are merely symptoms of the larger disorder of BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is classified with the other personality disorders, which are seperate from organically psychological disorders. Personality disorders are still pretty controversial, because by definition, having a personality disorder is basically saying that their is something wrong with WHO YOU ARE, your personality is flawed, and there is not much treatment for that. Whether or not this is true, very debatable, but out of all the personality disorders, BPD is the most managable with proper treatment.
