"I can't come into work today because..."

... because i am you and you are me. Don't you see?! It is the lord that does the works!

Yo! Born too late!

 

because i dont work there

 

I'm putting on a space suit and I'm going down to register as an illegal alien.

 

somebody stole my favourite spacesuit

 

i was sent home with gastric tentacles

 

I definitely thought that said gastric testicles.

since that's why I was sent home and all. they grew right out of my forehead.

 

^ i know


i went to see eat static last night and my mind's still there.

 

I went out in search of America...

 

i've burnt me toast

 

Im using up my 365th sickday this year

 

... because the baby rabbits and kittens and puppys need me.

 

i like soup and bannock

 

I am your father.

 

watching coronation street marathon

 

Im hunting sasquaunch

 

my babies mommas mommas ex husbands nephews cousin is having surgery

 

my horse is out of gas

 

i've got chronic indigestion

 

my ovaries hurt....:-0

 

my asshole is hanging out my butt