Hi there... Sooo... the problem I have is about a guy I know. I had a crush on him like two years ago, but when I left school we just didn't see each other any more... Now, he used to contact me via msn whenever I was online, but he just said hi and asked way too few questions and it was hard to find something to talk about, but still, he always wanted to chat with me. Now, I haven't seen him much, just a few times, but always when I do, and that was like that in the past too, he always teases and makes fun of me, but not in a mean way. More like boys do (he's 18..), we fight about which band is better (The one I like, or the one he likes), he makes fun of my way to speak, or my hair, something like that and he just likes to bug me. And today (we really didn't see each other for about a year), after I didn't use my msn a long long time, he contacted me, and we chatted for about 3 and a half hours, which was tough some times because he often only writes one word answers (SO annoying!!!) And he told me much stuff about him that I didn't know. Now... I know, it doesn't seem like we have much of a friendship or even relationship, but I just can't get the thought out of my head that he might have a crush on me. I mean, we rarely see each other, but he always wants to talk to me, and he teases me like all the time (I know, it's childish, but still) sooooo.... plainly, I need an advice. I mean, I really dunno what it would mean to me if he'd indeed like me, but I just have to know! It kills me, because I just don't get him at all! And I am really too shy to say something bluntly. Any ideas what I could do about that?
Does he take forever to respond to your instant messages a lot of times? I'm ridiculously shy and always get self conscious while talking to girls online. This causes me to often give one word answers to questions (because any other way I try to answer seems like it might make me seem dumb or otherwise embarrass me somehow), and it usually takes me minutes to respond as I consider all the possible things I could say before finally just typing a word that answers the question and hitting enter. I know that when I feel like theres even a remote possibility that a girl is interested in me I'll make attempts to talk to her online when I get the chance or try to hang out, but whenever I do I lack too much confidence to do or say anything that would really show her I'm interested or breed any kind of relationship beyond a flimsy, short-lived one. That relationship is generally limited the girl feeling sorry for me or not wanting to make me feel bad and so agreeing to hang out a few times before cutting off contact entirely. Now this guy is already doing better than me if he's able to relax enough to be sorta flirty and jokingly make fun. He may be nothing like me so don't jump to any conclusions yet. But I know if that guy was me it would be one of the greatest moments of my life if a girl I liked but was incapable of communicating very effectively with (thats every girl I've ever liked) let me know in an unmistakable way that she was interested in me. Subtle cues wont' work. Smiling at me, sitting close to me, compliments - these sutble things cue me in to the possibility that you're interested, which then creates a violent sort of alternating force between excitement that a girl might like me and the uncertainty brought by the fact that maybe she's just being polite. This throws me into a catatonic state of anxiety. Every girl that has given me these subtle cues did not turn out to have any interest beyond friendship - at least not after I went into that state of anxiety and became completely uninteresting. I don't know if these girls liked me before they found out how socially incompetent I was or if, as I said, they were just being polite and I was so eager to be loved that I took any sign I could get to mean what I wanted it to. In any case, if it seems this guy might have a similar problem to mine, and you're really interested, you should just make a move that lets him know you're REALLY interested. Don't do something that would leave any room for him to think that what you're doing might have any motivation other than that you really like him. And don't expect him to suddenly be an amazing conversationalist when you talk to him on online afterwards. He'll still be nervous as hell, but hopefully he won't be afraid to let you know he likes you. over time I imagine he'll get calm down and open up but I know if it was me, it might take a long freakin' time.
thank you so much for your answer!! It really helps that a guy answered to this And it's true, with the msn messenger you can see if a person writes something or not, and it's always like he needs quite a lot of time to answer and sometimes I see that he's typing something and then deletes it and answers a few seconds later (like he's thinking about what he's writing) Omg, I dunno, your post makes me excited I guess XD I know, I shouldn't build my hopes up that much, but as I said, I once had a crush on him, so... I'd be happy if he likes me, even though I forgot about him a bit over time, I'm still attracted to him. And the signs are there, they are, whenever we're together with our other friends he kinda focuses on me and always teases me, and that makes me like, crazy, but I'm too damn shy! So, what do you think would be the best move to let him know that I'd probably be really interested in him. I mean, I can't really tell if it would work out, we know each other a bit too less for that, but I'd be willing to give it a shot. And I really don't know if he even likes me even a bit... What would be the best way you could think of that a girl should show you her feelings? Or would there be a way that I could tell him without really saying it bluntly? I mean, give him a hint maybe, but something that'll let him know once and for all that I like him, but without the uncomfortable feeling of letting him know right in his face. (And, I dunno but he told me that he had a girlfriend lately but that they just didn't fit so they broke up after two weeks... and somehow that made me unsure about everything but I guess it's nothing) Btw, I think you're so cute XD thanks and I really hope you'll find a good girl I guess we all just have to let our guard down and try to be more selfconfident, because mostly people are much better than they think they are I appreciate your help )
Thats tough for me to say. I guess it depends on how confident he is. The more confident he is the more likely he'll be to take a hint as a sure sign that you are interested in him - at least, I assume that to be the case. Give him a kiss perhaps? Not a sloppy tonsil hockey kiss - just an old-fashioned, proper peck on the lips. It'd probably be easiest to do this as you're saying goodbye after hanging out. That way you can get it over with then get the hell out. Itl'l give him a chance to think about his next move until the next time you're together. I'll be honest; even if a girl did this for me I'd probably still be full of uncertainty and not really know what to do. But if this guy has had a girlfriend before then he's probably got at least enough confidence to take that as his "sure sign" and make the next move if he wishes to do so. If it turns out he's not interested, well, I don't think he'll crucify you or anything. Even if he's not interested I'm sure he'd take that kiss as a compliment. Anyway, its not like he's going to see you the next day and cry out "hey look, there's that girl that tried to kiss me last night. What a dumbass!" I do hope some more people give some responses to this though. I think I've made it clear that I'm horrendously inexperienced when it comes to relationships so some more experienced voices would help to round out this discussion and maybe point out any misconceptions I might have. Heh, you haven't even seen me. If you're referring to my sig pic thats actually a friend of mine who, though he is white, happens to have a huge, awesome afro (except when the birds start nesting in it). In any case, I'll let your compliment be an ego boost. Thanks!
No I didn't refer to the picture you're really just cute, I don't have to see you to think that. And it's nice that I gave you an ego boost ^__^ And thanks for your input!! It's kinda radical, but I'll see what I can do so that he'll notice me Much much love & peace
