realisation that i hate

when i feel uncared for or unloved, i make stupid (often dangerous) decisions for attention or reassurance.

this often makes everyone mad at me.


i never realised why i acted out sometimes (its completely unlike me)...
then i made the connection with feeling uncared for.
i dont know how to avoid doing it.

 

I understand exactly where you're coming from. Just try to remember that there are people who care about you. Easier said than done, I know, but you can but try.

 

i am seeing a counsellor to work stuff out, and that is one of the things we talk about.

my doggy's name is Zorba!!! ^_^

 

My doggy's name is -moonshine-memi- (including the hyphens). What an interesting coincidence...

 

bahaha.

 

i've done a few of those.... my motive is more to wreak my life, usually because I'm too angry or scared to kill myself.

 

I've been there. Suicide is so appealing for a lot of reasons.

But whenever I'm in that frame of mind I just get really mad at life, and how it's unfair that I'm unable to fit myself into it. Then I spend all the money I've saved on a drug binge. Ruin everything that I've been working for and hate myself because of it.

It's my own way of killing myself, I suppose. It's only human.

 

i'm glad i am not the only one who makes silly choices without really thinking them through

 

do you have someone you can talk to?

 

i used to be able to talk to my best friend, but we have a fucked up csp/ex relationship. and its part of the problem. but i have started seeing a counsellor and i can talk to him for $80 an hour and no repercussions with fights

 

well thats good that you are talking to a counseler, i hope that helps. are you starting to feel better?

 

well, i have almost stabbed myself quite a few times, but then i remembered that this is earth and killing yourself is going against god (leaving before you have served your purpose here on earth) so if you defy him, i believe that you will go to hell (well, unless you have an excusable reason for it) and if this is earth, then wouldn't hell be so many times worse? plus, if you dont fear death, then you could try to enjoy life more, and i know how hard it is, i am in a simaler position myself, but whatever. my main problem is that i am ugly as fuck, and boring as hell....idk, i am trying to, so good luck to you =))))

 

I have a similar issue, i think the solution is to make sure you get the attention you need, to feel cared for (all people need some reassurance they matter) without going over board or steping on people toes to do it.