When I watch TV/Movie/Radio And hear "gay" or see a guy come out = anxiety

Alright, I have been battling with my thoughts for a LONG time.

I use to get molested as a child by my family.

When I was about 9 I fonddled my friend, I had little idea it was wrong, I kept thinking about this since I was about 14, and I have been going nuts.

Sometimes when I watch movies, and see a guy take off his shirt I kinda loose my breath for a split seccond, I don't get a erection at all(like I do when I look at women).

My mouth waters sometimes when I look at guys.

I have NEVER had a problem watching gay people in the movies (with other people family) But I watched that movie chuck & Larry, And that black guy came out and started crying, I got this HUGE adreniline rush, I could not help it, it felt like I had to run or fight, I started sweating, and it seemed like my family was looking at me.

As of the last two weeks, when I listen to the radio, and hear "Gay" or "bisexual" I get that panic attack (ONLY with my family)

When my family crack gay jokes, I get them directed at me, by my brother, he always calles me fagget, or cock sucker, ever since I told him about what I felt like, and he has been tormenting me since we were about 17.

As of recent (last month) I was watching that new movie with vin diesel, and before it even stated I had a MASSIVE axiety attack, I got up and walked out of the movies, my mother asked me what was wrong, I told her I had a REALLY bad back ache. I kept thinking about seeing vin's six pack, and wondering if my heart would start racing, and my mom would feel my pulse.

I have had sex with 5 different girls, and I enjoyed it, I have never done much with a guy.

I tried to see if I can get a erection looking at a penis of a male ass, and I can't seem to get one.

I look at nude females, and BOING...

So, as you can tell I am confused...

Might I be BI?

I told my mother I was BI, she then told me that she was too touched by family, and thought she was BI, but she asked me If I get a erection over guys, I told he "no". She then told me If I have feeling for guys/girls, then she supports me 100%, she told me, once she met my dad, all those feeling went away.

I always have dreams about having sex with women, never men.

BUT why do I have these feeling when I watch gay people come out on the big screen, or hear "Gay" on the radio?

I am totaly fine around gay people, I do a job for gay people around once a week, and NEVER have these felling even when my family is around me.

When I am alone or with people I don't know, I can watch people come out on the big screen, or hear "Gay", and not even get a odd feeling at all.

Thanks! anything help!

 

Does that feeling go away with time? thanks.

 

I would say you're bisexual. I'm Gay and it was the same with me, although not as intense. The more you get used to the idea the less it will bother you.

 

Thanks for getting back to me.

Could I be BI, if I am never willing to have sex with men/oral/anything?

 

If you have /no/ sexual attration to men, then I don't think you'll be gay. Maybe you're bi-curious? I've never understood the meaning of that word....

 

I don't think applying labels here will help at all. It's clear your sexuality is very confusing and complex, so lets not make things harder by labeling everything as one.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think professional help may be the best way forward here. You clearly have had a bit of a troubled past, and a qualified professional psychiatrist will be able to offer you support and will listen to everything you want to tell. You should be able to make much more sense of things if you do, and should find a way of working things out.

Of course, I understand if you do not want to do this. My *other* advice is this: I think you are getting these slight anxiety attacks around family purely because of the abuse you have received. I think, considering the circumstances, it isn't out of the ordinary to feel this anxiety as you do. This may not be as tied-in to your actual sexuality as you may believe. This anxiety may be emotional alarm bells ringing reminding you of your past.

Also, just because you don't want sex with a man doesn't make you straight (and vice versa). If you feel like you want to experiment with these feelings then no-one's to stop you. Experimentation is a very natural human behaviour due to our curiosity and allows us to venture into the "what-ifs".

The bottom line here is do what you really think is right. No-one can make more sense of this than you, yourself, can. The next time you find yourself feeling this anxiety, try your best to calm your mind, breath slowly and calmly and even close your eyes for a moment if you have to. Relax and move on - don't let the anxiety take hold of you.

And after I've said all of this (don't read much into this, I'm no expert) , it sounds to me like you are straight with a fond appreciation of the male form.

It's probably not the advice you were hoping for, but it's all I can offer with this situation I'm afraid. Take care of yourself mate.