Why do we have kids? Some parents do it so their partner will stay with them. Think about it!!! If you are already having problems a baby will only complicate the issue, not fix things. Some parents have a baby because they want an heir. I think all you JRs + 2nds + 3rds can feel me. Give the poor kid a chance!!! Let them develop their own identity. We as parents worry about the silliest things like how they dress, who their friends are or wither or not they excel academically or in sports. Our children are the future of this world. Some day they will be calling the shots. How we care for them now and what we choose to teach them is vital to the future of mankind!!! So I put it to you...what is really impotent??? Time or money? Your "career" or their soccer game? Their stability or your fling. Why do parents think their own needs supersede those of the children??? We tell our kids not to be selfish but we show them masterfully how to put our selves first every day. We are raising a generation for kids who depend on Ritalin to make them behave in grade school. Then they graduate to Prozac to filter their emotions all through high school. By the time our precious little darlings are "adults" they are so bunged up they can't see straight!!! Come on America get your priorities in order. Re-figure your budget so one of the parents in the household can stat home with the kids at least while they are small so that they are not being raised from infancy in the day care system. A babysitter no matter how good she is will NEVER love your kids the way you can. Here"s an original thought keep your own sexual behavior in check and then maybe our son will learn to respect women, and our daughters will learn to respect themselves. Monogamy what a concept!!! In conclusion I think that we as parents need to stop and reflect on just why we became Mommies & Daddies to begin with.
Im sure the types of people who bother to come on here are already the sort who try their best The tone of your post isnt exactly friendly and doesnt really leave much room for discussion. Its just accusatory. While I agree that a lot of your statements apply to some people, I doubt youll find those people reading your post. You should work on how you word things maybe
word. word life. i'll be a mommy in 83 days (eek!) and am pumped about it. i just hope that i can be as good of a mom as my mother was, and continues to be. i don't have a man, i have an order of protection from him, but my kid will get sooo much love, they won't know what to do with it. God has a plan for this child (even though this child was not planned), and i'd rather not question HIS judgement. my parents never put me on ritalin or gave me time out; i got spanked, ate soap, and stood in a corner. there was no day care or 15 sports teams or gymnastics, just camping, family games, ping pong, and a lot of time spent just enjoying each other. my parents had their ups and downs (34 yrs. married this month), but never put us in the middle. i'm just glad God decided for me, that i would be given the opportunity to be loved so greatly and to love someone so unconditionally (gee, this pregnancy makes me cry a lot)... i feel blessed. it's too bad a lot of parents don't feel this way.
My son wasn't planned, but my other half and I figure that we had so much love for each other that the universe said 'hey, you need somewhere else to put all this love or you're gonna burst.' So then there was Toby (our son), and we were ready with all this incredible love just for him. And the amazing thing is, there's still so much love! Isn't it amazing how much people can love each other, how much love we can hold? Anyway, that's why we are a mummy and daddy - love.
Hi everyone When I was 21 my girlfriend got pregnant and we had a beautiful baby boy and after 11 months of trying to make it work we split for good; I took my son with me to live and fought long and hard in court and got full custady with no visitation my reason was that I loved my son so much I would have done anything for him to have a good life. At that time he was the best and only thing I had done right. He still lives with me, has graduted high school and is going on to college to be a chef next year; he's going to be 19 in Feb. Sorry about the rambling I'll get to the point now; when my son was around 10 and I was still a single dad he asked if he was planned or not I was honest with him and told him he was not planned but was never a mistake, he hugged me and said that he was happy that I was his dad and that he would love me for ever. My son and I have our ups and downs just like everyone else but he knows I'll always be there for him no matter what. I think if parents would just spend time with thier kids, showing love and understanding I think that the kids of today would be different people and the world around us would be easier to live in. I am not even close to being perfect and you can bash me if you want but thats my opinion. KDB
reason for winning in court is because you loved your son so much you would do anything for him.. The world would be such a better place if EVERY court decision was based on that. I find that hard to believe there has to be more to it than that
Really there wasn't I proved to the courts that I could provide the most stable, nurturing, caring and loving home which was in best interest of my son. The courts even offered me support for my son which I turned down. My exgirlfriend had issues which were shown to the courts which were not suitable for my son to thrive in and there was no way I was going to allow him to not have the best life which could be provided for him. KDB
k that makes a bit sense now . More stable place. I'm happy to see some men in here having more success with custody. My dad i will let you know had joint custody, but was he supportive YES. Still is to this very day. I am now 27 married have 2 step kids whom he calls his grand kids He screwed off and moved to whatever place he wanted to for however long and i lived with "mommy" and than grandma. I realize your male, no disrespect to you , but to whatever extent the situation was at the time did you think that maybe supervision was best ? I'm not knocking your decision theres reasoning for it and i applaud your decision. I was once there and i can understand of such circumstances that relationships fail. That is very good your sons going to college and creating a lifestyle of what he wants to be. high 5 for him. I only hope that it works out for the best for you and your child/ren and you can see through a different lens. It takes time people can change, but we cannot change them. Take care Teri
I usually don't talk behind others backs but in my situation I gave every chance in the world for my son's mother to have access and change her ways for his sake. I did not file for sole custady with no visitation until a year after separation. I pushed visitation and time with my son which did not work and her other problems spiraled down wards out of control and even after all this had happened I still tried to help repair her relationship with my son to no avail. Finally I had to protect my son's best interests and seal things off in court; that was approximately 16 years ago and to this day she hasn't tried for any type of visitation or contact. Also her problem's have taken her to an all time low including numerous jail terms among other issues. I just believe if you have a child you do everything in your power to make them feel loved and safe and give them every possible chance to have the best life possible putting yourself second or last and your child first. KDB
Unfortantely, the situation had/is/was that wasy, however your son has you as a role model and other female role models. Aunts cousins etc. You know what seriously surprises me is the amount of stupidity that goes on when a baby is brought into the world. And its all a bundle of love. I myself cannot have children, but i take care of children through agencies and work with individuals and love it!! I would have a million kids if i wanted to. I told my hubby i wanted 10 kids he said your crazy! I woud adopt before anything . MY own mother really doesn't want to have anything to do with me which is sad ... WHY?? Because (ready) !! because i was her baby that was born unhealthy. I have Cerebral Palsy, and had a brain tumor removed at the age of 3 and my mother thinks i can't think straight for myself. I have put myself through college to work with individuals like myself am becoming a social worker and shes shrugging it off like oh well . 3 years ago was the 1st time she said she loved me. MY dad was the one who bought pads and bras and everything, but when it came down to puberty who put up with it .. DAD. My mom stated to me about 3 weeks ago i had a bad atitude as a kid , i said to her ya reason being you and dad got divorced i was 9 and i lived with grandma you and dad how would you think i felt. she was silent. So by me telling you this, you probably already know you can't win at fighting if all your going to do is fight a brick wall. Your ex is most likely going to kik herself in the ass and figure her shit out when she grows up and until then, you can only do so much just as long as your son knows its not his fault and remains in good spirits thats all that matters
today we are having more babies than folks are dieing, with all of the medical advances in the world do we really need to make more children. now some people say adoption is where it's at, well have you ever tried to adopt? it's like they set you up for failure. You have to have 6000 bucks, and be a model citizen from birth until you decide you want to adopt. and i don't know about you guys but i haven't exactly been a role model person for my whole life, especially in my teenage years. having a child was the best thing that ever happened to me. set me straight on alot of things i was doing back then that i don't/won't do now, because of my responsibility as a parent.
I'm sorry you feel that way dragonfly -unfortunately i am unable to have children and would like to. Unless i spend 30,000 for a surrogate -not happening- are you in the US?
By the time i have the opprotunity to adopt i would have goten my MSW and Policing. I think thats a great role model!!
A little back-round note. I have 3 boyz. 13-8-3. My 13 yr old's father ran off with another woman when our son was 5. We have not seen or heard from him since. My 8yr old is in reality my step-son. His mother abandoned him when he was 3 so she could run off with some guy in the US Army to Alabama. (We live in NY) Anyways, my 8 yr old's father and I have a son together, he's 3. 1 1/2 years after he was born my husband (aka...the father) decided that rather then continue to live together and raise the three boys as a family, he wanted to follow his own path. Now he spends 10-15 hours a week at the gym, 40+ hours at work, and most of the rest of his time with his new girlfriend. He sees his sons for a grand total of 4 hrs every other week!!! Yeah that's right my step son lives with me now. Please don't miss understand he is an enormous blessing!!! The point of my 1st thread was now to attack parents who are doing right by their kids. My point was to invoke some thought about priorities in child rearing. If i sound critical or accusatory I am only beating on myself for becoming intimately involved with two man-pigs. Life is all about choices. Sometimes it's hard to see how something so right could go so wrong. That's all. I hope this helped.
