I've been continually working towards being comfortable in any setting without the use of shoes, and I've mostly achieved that goal. There are two things that stand in my way of "freedom," one being my job, which I know the chances of me being able to attend unshod are out of the question (though I am able to slip the sandals off under the desk). My other issue is my lack of courage. I'll have some good days, some bad, when it comes to shoes. Generally this only applies to indoor public areas. On days when I'm in my best mood I'll get out of the car and waltz right in with no fuss, but some days (like today, for example) I will find myself sitting in the car, in the parking lot, for a few minutes debating on whether or not to try it. In these situations I almost always give up and slip the sandals on. My concern lies with being bothered by people about not wearing shoes. I haven't decided whether it's my lack of preparation to defend my case, or that I simply don't like to be bothered by rude people. Either way, it's something that bothers me, and I seek your advice regarding how to handle the situation. One option I've considered is to simply leave the sandals at home, but there's still the slight chance that I'll actually need them for something, but the odds of that are quite slim.
i was worried about that too at the beginning. but no one has ever even said anything about the fact that i'm not wearing shoes.
I know exactly what heero134 is saying, and sometimes have the same problem. It's as though going bf suddenly becomes a problem in our heads and we're scared that everyone will stare at us or make negative comments, even though we've been going bf for years. I had the problem yesterday during a day in London. For some reason I went in flip flops (with hindsight should have just left them at home) and then wasted a lot of time when I could've been bf, thinking about taking the flops off. Once I had done so I immediately felt much more comfortable and of course no one paid any attention at all. I then remained bf for several hours in shops and a pub, and on the tube, on the train home and the two mile walk from station to home. Surprisingly, and disappointingly, my feet didn't get very dirty.
You just have to learn to not let what other's think or say bother you. Its actually a good trait to have that barefooting can teach you.
We've all been there, so don't feel bad about it. For me personally, the more I kept going to public places barefoot, the easier it got, especially since most of the time, no one neither notices nor cares.
Even though we are talking about barefooting, there's one catch phrase coined by the shoe industry (of all people... LOL) which applies to gathering your courage to be barefoot: Just do it. happy barefooting, ~*Ganesha*~
i feel the same way. i went to simply go walk my dog without shoes (im a new bf-er) and i ended up putting the shoes on because literally all of my neighbors (rude ones that dont like my family for some reason) were outside playing like children and watching me. gaah why cant i ignore judgement? i almost want to take off my glasses so i cant see them. i used to be so much less self-conscious when i couldnt see if people were watching me or not. sigh.
I have a sure way to evade rude comments by putting on my MP3 player and listening to some of my favourite tunes while barefooting. Aside from enjoying the music I like, it is also a great means of being totally oblivious to anything other people might have to say. Plus: posture helps to build a high barefoot self-esteem. Walk barefoot with your head held high, not looking down at your toes (as that might make you appear insecure, and thus a potential victim to shoddies who try to be funny or make fun of your appearance). Walk like you own the place, keep a steady pace and radiate your barefoot pride. Proudly and happily wiggling bare toes, ~*Ganesha*~ P.S.: another coolfooting morning today... 9°C (almost 49 F)
Sound advice, Ganesha. I always try to do that, otherwise the temptation is to feel apologetic and always expecting people to make bad comments. I do feel sorry for Indica Skye. Really you should just go for it rather than let neighbours influence your life. It's not as though you are doing any harm so they should leave you in peace. Having said that it must be difficult for you. I am lucky in having good neighbours who are all used to my barefootedness and never comment. I have been bf into all their houses, even in winter. I think any problems I have are all in my head. Anyone got any advice for Indica Skye as I think it's dreadful that he/she has to put up with that?
thanks charlie. and im a she. i try not to let them bother me. i just dont want to give them more to talk about when im not around. im 16, a teenager and these people are grown adults and all they can do is gossip like little girls. it wouldnt be a problem if they werent always outside watching who comes and goes. i know, and the music idea is good ganesha!
I used to live in a city where people were highly judgemental and would freak out seeing me go barefoot. I was afraid to go barefoot anywhere. Then I moved to a much more open-minded place and now I'm comfortable going barefoot everywhere and nobody says anything about it or even seems to care that much. If anything they think it's cool because it's counter-culture. Now when I go back to that city I go barefoot anyway and I hear people making comments or give me bad looks or they tell me I can't go into places without shoes, etc. but I don't care what they say anymore because I know that they are just close-minded, judgemental followers of a fear-based society and those kinds of people mean nothing to me anymore. I watch them throw their fits over my bare feet and I just realize it's their problem not mine. Once you've lived in a relaxed, open-minded, loving community, you'll never want to go back to a pretentious humiliating city again.
I don't know if I'd call Bismarck and "open-minded, loving community" but only one person has gone out of his way to harass me about walking barefoot. The people of Bismarck are very conservative and like their property rights. I'm alright with this (hey, Ron Paul got 21% in the state's caucuses!). I really do think that acceptance of bare feet and stuff like that has a lot do do with political affiliation. When I was a neocon, I scoffed at people that looked different - such as goths, barefooters, and hippies and whatnot. I actually got nervous talking to people who were a lot different. Now I'm libertarian and people who look different don't bother me at all. Anybody else see this connection?
I think we've all had the same experience with reservations about going in someplace barefoot. I used to have to force myself to leave my flip-flops at home so I had no choice. Once I started having positive experiences entering businesses, I became less anxious. Now I just come-and-go barefoot without thinking about it. Why stress about a non-issue? Give it time, you'll have your own positive experiences, you'll gain confidence, and the barefoot lifestyle will just become a part of who you are.
If you're lucky, perhaps you could find a buddy to go barefoot with you. That way, you have some social support to overcome your fear. If all else fails, you could do your barefooting in stages...like start going barefoot with long pants on or wearing some soleless barefoot sandals.
Yep, I'm in the same situation all the time. It's so hard. I used to think that it was mostly just a mental block, but now I realize that I really am violating strong social norms. I've had run-ins, people have been rude to me. It really makes me angry because I'm doing something that is not harmful to anyone, yet I get kicked out of places. I really want to live in a place where I can go barefoot and be accepted, but I'm not sure where that would be, at least not in the US.
I have the same problem, especially when I'm by myself. When I'm with my wife, I'm not concerned at all. I think it's because I'm a mostly gray man in my late 40s. Maybe I'm being too self-conscious, but I guess I worry that when I'm by myself, particularly in colder months, that people will just think I'm creepy. With my wife, I imagine that people just think I like to go barefoot. I think women and younger people have less worry in that regard. I know I shouldn't really care what they think, but I can't help it, I do.
