I've long wondered if I'm a lesbian, but I can't really figure it out. I know I'm just not interested in guys. I'm afraid that part of this is because (though I'm not completely sure) I once knew a guy with a raging sex addiction, and his view toward women and how they were only "objects for his enjoyment" completely disgusted me and turned me off of men for a while. Fast-forward to now, I still find myself uninterested in guys, but I know not all men are perverted and appalling like Mr. Sex Addiction was. Every once in a great while, I see a guy that I think is pretty good-looking. Most of the time, though, I notice women. The thing is, I always have this little feeling of jealousy when I see girls that I think are beautiful. I kind of have the feeling of, "god, I wish I looked like that! She's gorgeous!" But at the same time, I'm wondering if there is some hint of romantic interest behind it. To clarify even further, I have had sex before (with guys), and I clearly remember that I did not enjoy it. Does anyone understand what I'm saying, or am I just not making sense? (Because it certainly doesn't make sense to me!) If anyone has any insight, I would love to hear it. I'm so confused . . .
That's very interesting. I won't pretend to know your orientation, but can I make a couple observations from your post? I don't hear any mention of attraction to women, only disdain for men. You said you think women are attractive, but I don't think "wondering" if you're actually attracted to them is any signal that you are attracted. Finding someone (or something) pleasing to the eyes isn't an indication you'll fall in love. It would help us if you described who you've had crushes on, women or men. Who have you dated and wanted to date? If you have any sexual fantasies, who are they about? Have you considered that maybe you're asexual? That you don't have an attraction to women or men? Check out AVEN and see if you can identify with them. There are many sexual orientations beyond just straight and lesbian. Just because you're not attracted to men sexually doesn't make you a lesbian.
Actually, yes, I have wondered if I'm asexual. It would explain a lot, because I agree with you: finding someone pleasing to the eyes doesn't mean you'll fall in love. There are times when I have sexual fantasies about men and women (even while I know I didn't enjoy sex with a guy), but it's never something that lasts very long. I mean, I'll start thinking about a guy or a girl, and it doesn't take two seconds before my mind goes onto something else, completely unrelated to sex. I will visit the link you posted, and thanks for your input! I appreciate it.
