kill my stepdad i know its bad i would never purposely hurt anyone but lately i just want to kill him i jump at his unexpected presence im full of extreme hate for him he disgusts me and scares me my life was a bundle of daisies until he came along now i cant help but think about how great it would be to stab him a few times hasn't really done anything to me physically but mentally hes fucked me up i cant explain how because he doesn't talk to me when i leave the house he takes everything from my room and shoves it into my closet and shoves all the stuff on top of my dresser into my underwear droor :||| i hardly never go into their room unless i need something from my moms bathroom which is in their room and i never go there whens hes in there i never mess with any of his stuff just my moms when i need it because i have hardly nothing in my bathroom anyways i've told my mom that i don't want him coming into my room but she said its his house i keep telling her "you've got to tell him to stop or im leaving" i know that sounds dramatic but that's not all he does its hard to explain first off hes retarded. and brainwashed and he watches too much tv hes a hypocritical christian hes always preaching so no one else sees what he does i think he tortures me for fun thats his day sin i know its ridiculous but when i get high and start looking around my room and i start to think about the stuff hes fucked with i start to think about what if hes a creep what if he looks through my journals and art i dont even want to think about it when i go in the same room as him a disgusted look is automatically on my face i never look near him i try to get in and out of that room asap which is mostly the kitchen he doesn't talk to me this is most of the reason why i cant stand him it freaks me out and if he did talk to me id probably hate him because of his personality and just all that he is and has done to my mom t are 50s + couples supposed to be frisky? i don't like it when they do that shit even in my hearing range if i'm in my room and can hear them in the kitchen gross.. i definitely don't think this is healthy my mom, she also doesn't let me go anywhere ever hardly. i always have to lie to her because she would never accept who i really am and the way i have chose to live my life. im 17 i have the same privileges since i was like 9 actually i think they've gone down as i've gotten older. i've lost a lot of friends because of this my mom won't take me anywhere to see my friends unless its a mall or the movies :| no one i know goes to the mall or to the movies. i'm really glad they don't. anyways so yea my friends have to drive all the way into no where to see me, i never have money to give them but when i do i end up giving them most of it to pay them back. ugh i dont have a car because here the law is you have to wait a year while you have your permit to get your license and since ill be 18 in a year i can just get my license straight away. This is a whole year though that i have to wait and "struggle" like this. i know my problems are insignificant to the rest of the worlds but this stuff is really getting to me. :[[[[ im thinking if i cant really do anything about this without being extremely uncomfortable ill just move- the reason why i haven't already is because i love my mom too much she'll be alone my stepdad won't ever be enough cause hes a douche to everyone & my mom doesn't have any friends like seriously she doesn't :[ so i'm thinking if she doesn't care about me enough to do something about this i should just leave because shes pushed me out on the side a lot since she's been with him and she should learn to appretiate me i think she thinks im just like a walking talking animal that eats and sleeps and doesn't need a life help?
Thats pretty extreme. maybe you should talk w/ your mom about how you fel. i'm a step parent and i would never want to go over those boundaries. Your step parent needs to respect your boundaries esp since your a blooming teenager. A lil bit of tough love doesn't hurt if you get a bit out of line either you have to understand how reality works in todays world. Now IF for ex. your step dad did look through your journal, do you think thats crossing the boundaries?? i think it is?? But in reality; why would you have to hide something you can just tell your mother instead of being sneaky Thats the way i look at it.
ohh well then you dont know my mom my sisters and all my brothers agree that shes crazy she kind of is a bit but ive told my mom its not tough love i never talk to him like we never talk im not exagerating or anything i cant remember the last time i said a word to him or him to me i cant tell my mom because she can't understand the littlest things about me we have a lot of different opinions about things and its always that im wrong "thinking i know everything" but i don't i just have a different opinion and she wont hear anything of it because it doesn't match her own i do some things that are well illegal so do my brothers so thats something if she founds i would be in big trouble for and plus my personal art my place where i put everything i should have a safe place to put my stuff im seventeen, im almost considered to be a real person when my brothers lived here everything was so much easier they would take me with them to their friends house to escape pretty much whenever i could and they understood what i was going through but now i just have to pretend and pretend that they dont treat me bad to actually stay happy yea it would be crossing boundaries if he looked through my journal he shouldn't be in my room for one, or touching my stuff he takes stuff from my dresser and puts it in my droors its crazy! my mom just doesn't want to deal with it if she ever says anything to him about anything he makes her feel stupid or they get into a big fight and shes just sick of fighting with him thats how i see it but shes also always arguing with me and taking out her anger on me i ask her something and she automatically says no because of him egho i keep posting these i guess you wouldn't understand unless you saw the situation actually it would be really nice for someone to stick up for me again i just cant tell him not to go into my room he would end up saying something stupid back like "this is my house" and it'll end up in me going to jail or something i really cant stand that man. and i wish he was gone so i could truely say that i love everyone i know id be so carefree
oh i have had about one conversation with him since shes married him not exagerating well maybe 2 and have barely ever talked to him they've been married for about 2 years now that might help you understand
im sorry kansas... that sounds like shit. but seriously girl, you need to tell that man to not go through your shit and that you are tired of the bullshit... his responce doesnt matter, your freedom matters. you matter. and if there is one thing i have learned, it is that in the end there is no one there but yourself to stick up for you. YOU have to stand up for yourself and you will find that all through life. dont be scared of what might be said or happen because NO ONE should make you feel inferior or creeped out. Things are only that way if you allow them to be that way... take a stand. i totally know where you are coming from. im living with my mom who i havent lived with in like 4 years in fucking nebraska with her husband.. i cant wait to get out, but i still have a year left of school. anyway, stay strong and try to be happy.
Kansas- please don't think i don't understand i do. i had 3 step moms and am a step mom. i would never ever treat my kids the way my step moms treated me . If you fel the need to talk to a teen hotline councellor why not call ?? How about living with a friend relative??
aww thanks greengirl<33 aha yea im going to when i feel a bit stronger maybe i broke my foot and ever since then i just feel really vulnerable and weak i dont know why thanks yea i just recently got homeschooled sooo thats what im doing now im gonna try to get it done fast and fricknfrack yea ahah teen hotline? yea i could but i dont really want to thanks though i might live with my moms friend for a while i doubt any of my friends would let me live with them and this way my mom wont fuss about it im probably going to she lives in a one bedroom apartment and i wouldn't have much privacy she doesn't work she goes to school nights though so it might be okay :] think im gonna do that <3 thanks for your help
how old are you? is this a suck it up for a year, or are you under 17? Have you tried talking to him for the hell of it? He's part of the family, and probably thinks...er...knows... you are judging him constantly.
Kansas - I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I've been on both sides of this issue. I had a very bad experience with my step-dad when I was your age, and I have kids your age now. My first suggestion would be to write everything down. Since you've done that here, maybe you can print it out, and ask your mother to go out to eat with you - alone - and have her read what you've written. I'm sure that there will not be an easy solution, but hopefully she will listen to you and try to work with you to make your situation a little better. I also suggest that you go to your school councilor and talk to them about your feelings. I did that when I was your age, and having them listen really helped. The amount of emotional turmoil you are internalizing is dangerous and unhealthy. They will be able to help you deal with it, or provide other means of support. If you'd like to PM me anytime, you are welcome to do so. I will listen to you, and provide whatever moral support I can. I won't be able to fix this, but I can be here for you when you need a friend to listen. Take care of you.
aww thank you :] well im homeschooled but my moms been making me go to councilors since i was in like 7th grade they just never work out for me their lame and i cry a lot so i make the counsilers think they know everything and they start going crazy on me SO. im pretty much done with that, i only have less than a year to have to deal with this. so i guess i should just bare with it huh? if i write it all down and give it to my mom she'll make me go to the counsiler again for sure i dont want any of that to happen its okay ill deal with it i mean i know i cann i have the heart to do that. JDIOJPDIOJP anyways. aha. thanks so much for the advice though ill tell you if i ever need help thanks a lot <33
