Judging my large family

So, my husband and I are waiting on baby number 7 to bake! We couldn't be more happy and excited. But, I am starting to get a little frustrated with the comments we are getting. Some people think its great and are so happy for us. Others, are being just downright mean.
Let me start by saying that my husband and I can afford our family, we love all of them. I don't ask anyone to support me or my children. We are not wealthy by any means, but we get by.
So the comments range from us being
"CRAZY!"
"How are you gonna do it?"
"Another one?!"
"Haven't you guys figured out how that happens?"
Someone even asked if we were even going to bother naming the baby because it wouldnt be noticed

The worst is some of these people are our family. Why, do people who we ask nothing of feel the need to say these things? Being pregnant makes it so hard to hear these things emotionally. We are proud of our big family, and in the end I know that others opinions don't matter. I guess what I'm getting at is...

I have always been pretty quiet, not confrontational in the least. I am having a hard time knowing what to say to these people and I just want people to be supportive. Being a mother is what I love and I want to be able to put these people in their place.
If any of you have any advice or have dealt with this in the past I would really appreciate it.

Thank you

 

I've always been against larger families myself. My mother ran a daycare when I grew up and I found that everytime that my mom had large family to babysit over those 12 years that the kids lacked hugely in social skills and that there were always children that were badly ignored.

I think before you get defensive you need to understand that they are probably concerned about the well being of your children. How about asking why they are making comments like that and then dealing with it that way.

 

Yikes! That's horrible. Actually I have always been told that my kids seem very well adjusted, they have lots of friends, do well in school, and have a great understanding for respecting others. No one goes ignored! We make time for all of them and that includes individually. It's always a party at our house.
Did the families you are talking about plan these kids. I could understand how having a lot of unplanned children could lead to those problems, but why would you be selfish enough to raise children you don't have time for?

Thanks though for having me look from a different perspective.

 

Out of the four families (all had between 5-9 kids) every one of them were planned. I think alot of people have kids for the wrong reason.

 

servants and tax write-offs! I'm kiddindg, sorry, making light of a sad situation. You're right some people do have kids for the wrong reasons.

My problem is being judged for those people, not for the large families that go at it for all the right reasons. I for one was an only child so I know the negatives of that side of the spectrum too. Kids can be screwed up in any situation, i don't agree that just because you are a child in a large or small family that you fair any better chance. We all run the risk of growing up damaged.

 

well, in this day and age, it's not really a "green" thing to do, having lots of kids. most people can't afford to raise them on their own, either. i come from a combined family of 10, and i'm not really a fan of the huge families, either. it does irk me somewhat when someone is "proud" of their huge families, but my feelings don't really matter. it's not my family. many people aren't going to congratulate you, so what? it's your family.

 

I'm a only child as well. And I have firends that are from both end of the specrums. I see more kids that have bad social skills from a large family rather then a Only child. Most only childs are very grown up and mature for their age which makes them seem as if they aren't adjusted simply because they are better suited hanging out with people that are older.

 

You should ignore what everyone says I think having a big family is wonderful! We are hoping to have a big family ourselves (we have an 18 month old lil girl and are ttc #2) I have one brother , but my mum is a foster carer (still to this day) so there were up to 6 of us at times and I loved being a big family. I hope to give my lil girl lots of brothers and sisters to support her and love her when im gone. Big congratulations on your pregnancy its fantastic news and dont let anyone tell you differentxxxxxx

 

if you are supporting your kids without any outside aid its nobodies fucking business!

if you wanna have 15 kids thats your right. from what ive seen in my life larger families that the parents can afford to raise are closer knit,more loving and happier than smaller families in the same demographic. by in large of course..

 

tell them to shut the fuck up.

its not like you're having your seventh child because you're a crack whore or some shit.
if you can take care of him.her, who cares what other people think. if you want/can have twenty kids, go for it

 

I think big families are great. Congrats on number 7!!!!
As long as you know your kids are looked after and loved it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

maybe your family's sick of having to buy so many christmas and birthday presents for your little ones

 

This part is what surprised me the most... with just one child and during my pregnancy I learned to speak up for myself and my beliefs in my family. Since I did not do it the way my family was accustomed to I had to make them understand that my stances and having respect for my choices and not trying to make me feel guilty or wrong was not okay... during pregnancy you have to think for yourself and your child... if you don't want to have any more emotional issues that come with the hormonal territory don't let people give you stress that is unnecessary and unfounded. Let them know you're not going to have people talk to you in disrespectful, mean ways and if they continue to do, ex them off your social list, don't socialize with them for the time being. That's my advice.

 

sounds like they just want to throw some jokes in

so just tell them that you find those jokes kind of offesive

 

do you love, care for, and adore your children? Seems yes to me, I see no problem. It all depends on the context, and why you have them. Some lack "social skills" because the big family results from closed views to women's empowerment and liberalism and birth control. Others have big families because like you, they simply love children and family! I only have one right now, I want at least 5 more. I think it was Mother Theresa who said..."Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers."

 

i am sorry to hear that that is happening to you.
i'm not a big fan of big families either.:-(

I just did a genogram for one of my classes in College and its funny how back in the olden days my grandmother and grandfather both sets had each 8 children and their mother and father had 8 children as well. My great great grandmother had 17 children ; whereas my mother and father had 2 my husband and i have 2 and my sister has 2
The generation gap is so different
its great that people want to have huge families; its just not my thing . i don't have the money nor the patience for it. if they had a course for patience i would probably have to take it ;-)