A lot to read, but I just need to talk

Here is your warning- this is long. I really hope someone will read and giv eme their thoughts/advice though. I just need to tell someone who is not biased on my story.

Here goes:

I came back to my home town in February of '07. After moving back in town i found out that I came back pregnant. I had met this guy named Charles at the restaurant where I was working 2 days before I found out. When I told him he didn't mind- he said that if it was a part of me he wanted it too. I thought he was the One that I never believed exsisted for sticking with me. So we got hot n heavy real fast. What I didn't know is that he was cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years, Camille, with me.
Once I found out about her I said fuck it and moved about 30 miles away to my grandmothers. He called numerous times and I wouldn't call him back for a couple of weeks. One night my grandmother & I came home from having dinner out. He was sitting in his truck at the end of my driveway waiting on us to get back. I took him back and soon after found out he was fucking around with Camille and I both again. Long story short he made me believe that was a lie and I ended up moving in with him to actually start a life together.
After about 2 months I found out he was cheating on me with Camille again. I left and moved to North Carolina, wher I have always wanted to go, and lived with my dad's half-sister. That lasted about a month and then I realized why my family has practically disowned her. By that time Charles had gotten me on the phone and had persuaded me to come back down to him. So, like a dumbass that I see I was now, I did.
He had always had a drinking problem and he was a pill-popper. He had gotten 2 underage DUIs in a month, taken to jail for driving with no insurance, and had gotten himself reported for a destructing property felony. In August his hard-core Christian family had talked him into going to a rehab program called 3-Dimensional Life before. So he went before he went to jail. They allowed him to be there for my daughter's birth and every Saturday after that I was able to go visit him at the program's house. By January every Saturday just felt like an errand and we felt miles apart although we were in the same room.
In January I started talkin to Camille. We started in a friendship and quickly fell for each other. I have never felt about a girl what I felt for her. I have never cheated on anyone but I did cheat on Charles once with Camille. The next Saturday Charles and broke off our engagement mutually. Camille and I continued to date for another 3 weeks until I learned that she was pregnant. That's when she confessed to me that 5 days after Charles and I broke up, he snuck out of the house at 2am and fucked her. She also confessed that she had cheated on me with her other exboyfriend as well, including the same night she screwed Charles. I told them both they could go to hell and I was done being in this triangle.
Now I am married to Charles, Camille's baby is scheduled to be born on Monday, the 17th, and I feel so stuck. Charles and I argue all the time. I have been to a psychiatrist because he blames it all on me and now I am on fucking pills trying to make this work. I don't know what I am doing here, liing my life the way I am, being married to who I am. But I just sit back and do nothing. I feel like we have buily so much of a life together that it'd be stupid to let it go. So I just deal with it and continue on. Even though I know that I paste my smile on. WHen things are good between he and I they are great. But when they are bad, i feel like giving up. I never want to have sex with him, ever. I know it upsets him, and I do feel horrible for not wanting to or giving him sex. But I have NO motivation to be sexual with him, no WANT. Cuddles are awesome. I love snuggling. But anything in the bed I turn up my nose.
I feel like there is someone else out there that would welcome in my child and I and make me happier, & in turn they would be happy as well. And when I think baout that I do not think of a man at all. I continue to imagine this wonderful lady, but I cannoot see her face. The light is behind her and all i hear is her laughter and I see her hair twirling. I don't know what...i just don't know.

I don't know what I want from posting this. I just needed to get it out and hope that someone will read it and care a little bit. I am always the one caring about others so I took the time for myself to write this...

 

Hey hun, wow crazy ass triangle you got goin on there. Seriously in my opinion I think you owe it to yourself and your baby to be happy. Because children are smarter than people think they are and they sense when their mother is unhappy. So I think you need to follow your heart and do what makes you happy, be true to yourself. I know it's going to be hard but it sounds like you are one though chick so I have no doubt in my mind that you will make the right decision. I hope everything goes well and keep me updated.

Peace and Love to you

 

Charles' is a destructive personality. I know he acts like he cares, but he doesn't from the sounds of it. And you and him and Cammile won't ever reach any kind of agreement or peace. You might be able to pull off a three-way living arrangement if it weren't for the jealousy involved. Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is to leave the situation and stay gone. Before another child is born into this. Maybe I'm being presumptuous but it sounds like you keep going back to him because he's familiar and manageable whereas your other options, leaving and setting up shop elsewhere, aren't. The best thing for you is to get out of it, and if I were you I'd encourage Cammile to get out of it too.

But, then again, what do I know? I'm sure I assumed alot about the situation that isn't true, and I mean that earnestly.

Good Luck.