My boyfriend and i have been seeing each other about 6 months. It's been one hell of a hayride. Started out we were both really into each other. I was so in love with him. But things changed he got distant he instisted he still loved me but all the signs were there that something was very wrong. Then i left him and he contacted me to admit that he was not physically separarted house wise and was still living with his wife and children. He apologised and said he would leave for sure which he did eventually. But it was months of waiting and it was excruciatingly painful for me at the time. I finally gave up and started dating someone else for a few weeks thinking that he was nevere going to leave. Then he came back and said that was it he was moving out and he went back to how he used to be and wanting to see me all the time. By that time after having dated briefly i just didnt feel the same but i still loved him. So we tried again. It was fun for a while and i started to feel that full love again. He had to stay with me at my house untill he found a place of his own for what was supposed to be a few weeks which turned into much longer. We had fun and i started to feel closer but also a little suffocated because i would never semi live with someone this early. He takes this personally as a sign that i don't love him. I digress. He started to become paranoid about the man i dated briefly when we weren't seeing each other and from that started wanting to check my mobile phone and emails. Even threatened to track the man i dated down to 'ask him some questions'. I found all this ovewhelmingly stressful and started to fear him in a way because i didnt want to be questioned and accused all the time. It became a problem for me to take my children to see their father for access. My life suddenly became harder and very stressful. I have been faithful to him the whole time. I have children and barely enough time for him much less anyone else. I left him and told him he cant stay with me anymore. And since he hasn't been here i have felt a huge sense of relief. But a part of me misses him, even so i don't want to live with him right now i need space, he struggles to understand this but accepts it anyway. I feel like i need some space to miss him to kick start my feelings for him again and to safegaurd myself against the possibility that he may not change at all. He has been a mess crying and texting and wanting to see me all the time and wanting me to take him back. I can see that he is very sorry and doesn't know what came over him. (i suspect an adverse reaction to steriods which he has now sworn off taking ever again). In any case he's a mess and desperate for me to take him back. I on the other hand feel a bit numb and estranged by the whole thing of him changing so drastically and being so jealous, paranoid and possessive. I tried to just do what he wanted but it all got too much and to the point of wanting to avoid him when he was still here. I would like to give him another chance but i do admit to feeling differently now. I want to date him like a normal couple i want to be able to come and go and have romance and excitment and anticipation. I miss the old us before all the BS. Am i being foolish? I dont discount living together eventually but not this soon. I want to know what others think. Can i get my feel for him back like i used to? Is it possible? Or do you think once its degraded past a certain point you can't get it back?
I think I would be a bit more worried about continuing a relationship with someone that would see one girl while living with another, than whether you can rekindle your relationship. I am sorry, but he doesn't sound terribly "safe" to me. Someone that feels the need to check your emails & phone records seems TOO possessive to me. Wanting you all to oneself is one thing, but that's too much. Do take care. Whichever way you decide, it doesn't sound like it will be easy. love, mom
