HEY EVERYBODY IM NEW! i wrote this poem

i wrote this poem the other day about a girl i have had the worst crush on for awhile now. i would love feed back, tips or however you guys can help me, i really want to improve my writing cuz i havnt been doing it for long... this is poem 4.


i knew from the start
id love you with all my heart
it was love at first sight
i dont think ill be alright
the day i truely met you
i would never forget you
but i had a duty
to ignore your beauty
as much as i tryed
and i about died
having to force you out
im about to shout
you never left my mind
now im falling behind
i had a girl
you gave me a whril
not knowing what to do
but you never knew
so i took the pain and confusion
as just a delusion
I dont know what to do
Im always thinkin about you

All day everyday
I like to know that your ok
It doesn't matter what you've done wrong
I know that your soul is strong
And your future is bright
With a personality so tight
your smile i can never forget
The sweetest thing I've met
It kills me to see you frown
I'll never let you down


to the girl that takes my breath away
the girl i think about everyday
thank you for your smile,
you made it all worthwhile.

 

Well, it lacks coherent rhythm, and the rhymes seem forced. Not every poem has to rhyme, you know. But if you really want it to rhyme, it should have some general rhythm or flow to it.

 

yea how do i get that rhythm in there. theres no music to it. and yea some of the rhymes i had to force. i like it to rhyme, i hate poems that dont rhyme. they seem to boring and plain. like im just talking. i cant talk all day theres no challenge. but making my flow better.. any tips??

 

Strawberry is right. Not all poems need to rhyme. Have you ever heard of a haiku? It's just three lines that don't rhyme, the 1st line has 5 syllables, 2nd has 7, and the 3rd has 5. Here's a little examlpe, I wrote this last night:

Don't look down on me,
I may be young but I'm strong,
Don't push me away,


Just keep writing and stick to it. Try all sorts of rhymes and see what works for you.