Issues with my mother.

I've been having a lot of issues with my mother. I'm currently grounded which I deserve to be for a couple reasons. I've been caught drinking and smoking marijuana a couple times in the past 2 years. About a month ago I got caught lying to my mom when my girlfriend came over without her consent. Then that week she caught me in about 3 or 4 lies about smoking/drinking/stupid stuff. I came clean I told her the truth about everything. I then tired talking to her saying that I wouldn't have to lie if I was allowed to do certain things. Anyways She came up with the idea that I am grounded until I am 18. I would definitely be fine with this except for the fact I turn 18 in April. 6 months away. I decided that I would stop all lying, drug or alcohol use until im out of her house. continue to try to talk to her saying I'm done until im out of her house. But she continues to stick with thats fine but your grounded until your 18. Grounded for me means no phone, no car (even to school or work), no hanging out at all. I realize I have messed up but im not sure what to do? I raised my GPA from a 2.5 to a 3.5 this quarter, Im about to be accepted into college, I've done so much cleaning(I cleaned the garage lol!). I dont know what else to do?

I just feel so alone staying home no contact with any of my friends. I mean my gf just broke up with me because she dosent get to see me or talk to me.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this will be appreciated...thanks

 

thats tough... if telling her to go fuck herself and just do what you want didn't end up in her kicking you out, i'd say that, but i wouldn't imagine you'd be too optimistic. you say you deserved to be grounded in the first place, but i don't see why you need to feel guilty about *shock horror* using alcohol and green, and she forced you into lying by her insane rules. so first of all, don't let her make you feel guilty. i'd say either play by the rules (or pretend to) or otherwise, it may work if you say you're not going to accept her punishment, IF you stay calm at all times and don't rise to her, just explain to her that you can't accept her controlling your life just because you're under 18. but it might be a risk. is there anywhere else you could stay (friends/other family) or would you not want it to go that far?

 

I went as far as asking my dad who I haven't spoke with in years if I could stay at his place but he said no. I've tried asking what I could do to rebuild trust. she has no answer.

 

if you have to lie to your mother , than you know your doing wrong. i would sit down with your mother and have a heart to heart talk with her. We want the best for our children.

So let me ask you;
would you want your daughter going up to you and saying to you go $^$^ yourself you %&&$ A&%$^&%& H^R%^%^

Totally inappropiate, not very mature and your mother needs a HUGE ass apology from you

 

You should have been honest with her from the begininng, I always tell my mom evverything I does, and she doesn't always like it.. (she doesnt mind the pot smoking.. she dones't like drinking, other drug use, sex) but I tell her EVERYTHING and I find our relationship is the best I can ask for.

Lying will get you no where.

Have a loit of talks with your mom, behave for a few weeks, help her around the house as much as possible, spend time with her... earn her trust back and maybe she'll let you off the hook early,.

 

I had a crazy mom and i dealt with being grounded by not allowing my mom to ground me from some things. I got a job and met friends through that so she couldnt tell me i cant work. i bought a go phone so she could never take away my cell phone since it was mine.
The only thing that she was able to ground me from was tv. I found a way out of every thing she would ground me for. After that, i started not giving a shit about her. And evenually she backed off me. I remember how she wouldnt let me hang out with my boyfriend at night so id wait till she passed out from drinking too much, have my boyfriend pick me up at night, sleep over then asked him to take me home before she woke up. Be careful though, you might get the cops called on you so have something on your mom to use against her if your ever in that situation.

she wants you to think she still controls you. You cant let her do that. Be smart

 

veroness thats called rebelling not respecting your mother giving advice like that to someone who needs that is not cool,

You need to fess up and be smart and NOT lie !! period not go the long way around and keep lying wheres that going to lead you no where

 

I agree, don't listen to veroness, this is not a control situation, I am speaking as a parent, they are just trying to protect you from yourself, and the problem is once they lose trust in you they will not believe you when you say it's only pot, they will be thinking, he says pot it must be heroin, I went through close to the same shit with my middle son, it was all good, I would not force my choices on him as long as he was honest, once he started lieing I had not choice but to restrict his freedoms. Lieing and sneaking around is terrible advice please don't follow it. Be honest with her and it will take time to rebuild trust. Peace and good luck.

 

i gave that advice for him if he isnt happy with this mother and would move out as soon as he could, if thats what he wants. If he still loves and respects him mom and has a good relationship her then i agree with my advice not being good for him.

 

The relationship can still be mended. not juist walk out the door and say goodbye ; BUT i'll have a relationship someday??

Wait till your a parent and see what i mean.

its great to have responsibilities but take control of them under your parents house its your parents rules whether liked or not.
I never ever liked my mothers parenting style. But you know what ??
I always told her how i felt told my dad how i felt and that put them in a position where they had to think just like children /adolescence. Parents aren't perfect, neither are children but what we expect out of our children is a totally differnt thing , not divience. Its time to grow up and stop trying to rule the rooster.
When your children grow up , ur going to feel so alone because they left you w/out saying anything.
If you have to lie your doing the wrong thing. Talk to your mom , or a close relative and tell them how you feel and why theres no need to hide anything...

 

I've tried talking to my mom several times. I once tried the approach awhile ago saying how I could be responsible for myself, if you simply let me sleep out once and a while and I just told you where I was even if you don't approve. She didn't think that was right. So I now and still am on the approach to just folllow her rules until im 18. Its been another boring weekend at home. I dont think shes going to give me another chance and its been 2 months. I almost feel why not just lie to her since I'm gonna be grounded so long anyways. you know? But I guess im gonna give it a few more weeks see how it goes. I was just accepted into the bowling green university and got a job starting in 2 weeks....maybe once im working shell consider giving me privileges.

 

it's up to you how you wanna play it. just don't listen to these people who are telling you you did anything wrong. the main bit of advice i'd give is not to accept her rules and control and probable guilt-tripping within yourself. doing things against her "rules", even if you then lie about them, would probably be a healthy expression of that, but you don't need to do that for the sake of it, given you don't wanna wreck the relationship and/or get kicked out, if only till uni.

 

Yeh, like lootfish says, lieing isn't doing anything wrong, and rules? Those are for suckers. I think everyone should lie to each other all the time and never follow those damn rules. Isn't that what the cool people are doing?

Oh, wait, That is some of the most stupid shit I've ever heard, lootfish is an immature idiot. (nothing personal) Rules are essential in life, if you don't like a rule you try to change it, and as far as lieing that is best left to children and police, most open minded mature people discuss things. Peace and good luck

 

So I ended up cleaning the entire kitchen and my room...took about 3 hours lol. Spotless. I asked If I could go to a movie..I would be home before 9. My old curfew was 12. Got my hopes up for no reason because I got denied and had to stay home again. My mom then today asked me to clean something and I responded "Well there is really no point to do extra work..." and she responded "Yea I guess your right". This is gonna be a long ass thanksgiving break.