i fantasize about gf's past but it also tortures me

my gf and i have a pretty open relationship and when i found out from her that shes done pretty much everything.

Shes told me that two guys had sex with her at the same time and i fantasize about it like i want to fuck her and have another guy bein blown by her. She told me that she did blow an had sex now i have the urge to snort a line. Whats wrong with me? We had sex on x and weed but i still think about her past when she hadbsex with a guy on weed. It bugs me that shesdone all these drugs but she claims shes changed now. I feel like im with a real slut. She asked why I only talk about sex and drugs about her past and she doesnt think i care about anything else. I told her i dont know why thats the only thing i care about. Any ideas? Sometimes i just feel like breaking up with her because of her past, its like a used car with too much miles. I also feel that if i talk about this to her it wont help our relationship but only hurt it.

 

hey man i can understand your in a bit of a dilemma. A healthy relationship should allow the two people to communicate openly about whats on their minds and their feelings. Sometimes if i need to talk about something which i think i will find hard, i start writting down my thoughts on to paper - just let it flow, and then afterwards i might edit what i've written into something a bit more comprehensible. Maybe you just need to lay off the drugs for a while? So that your thoughts can become a bit clearer.


X

 

If you can't let her past go, you shouldn't lead her on. She did those things before she even knew you, and before you were in a relationship with her. I would think that you would be glad that she had experienced those things, and has decided that she wants to be with you.

Get over it, or leave the girl alone. If you feel that way, you have a lack of respect for her, and the relationship will not have a chance to work.

 

past is past my friend. if she says she has changed let her show you. if you love her just get over it and move on.

 

. . . . underline by the Troll

Listen to Ms. Banana my friend. She's got her stuff together!



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I think you should stop dwelling on what she has done in the past and think about the things that she does now that make you happy. At least she is being honest and isn't trying to hide her past, right? And trust me, talking about things is better than keeping it bottled up inside.

 

It's the thought of it that troubles you, but really now, the past is over and gone, and she may have changed a lot since then.

 

I am having the same problem with my man right now.. only im in your girls shoes. Ad its obvious that you have no idea what it is like on the other side of this.

My guy and I were open about our pasts - and it was a turn on for him to know what I was into and things I had done. He wanted to know, so I told him.

It was a hard thing for me to do, to open up to him about that stuff but I did it because I just knew that I could trust him.. He's no angel himself, so he shouldn't judge me, you know?

But it has caused some problems because he has issues letting it go.

For instance, he refuses to believe that I am only sleeping with him.

If I had been with anyone else (without him being involved) I'd tell him. My opinion, if I'm sleeping with him, and I go and sleep with someone else too, it's very much his business.

I asked him point-blank one time "Why can you not believe that I'm not sleeping with anyone else? Is it because I hoed around before I met you?"

He said no...

And he also refuses to believe that I love him - which is another thread entirely..

So, you need to understand that it is VERY FRUSTRATING to have someone you really care about --who really cares about you-- to throw your past in your face and to not belive you can change and be faithful.. It makes you feel very vulnerable and very hurt. (at least it does me)

So like ShanaBanana said, get over it or leave her alone. If you can't then you don't deserve her anyway.

If my man had just left me alone, maybe I wouldn't be in the mess im in emotionally.

 

acenase - -Please read day_tripper77’s post and make every effort to understand what it’s like for your GF to be in the situation you guys are living. It could make it easier for you to follow ShanaBanana’s advice.

When I’ve felt the way you’re apparently feeling, it was always based in my own personal insecurity. If your lady didn’t want to be with you, she wouldn’t be with you. If you keep challenging her, most likely she’ll be gone.

Take care and good luck.

 

I've had trouble dealing with my fiance's past and still have to an extent, but I realize that it's just because of my own insecurities and not because of him, he's never given me any reason to worry about anything. So unless she's given you any real reason to doubt your relationship, you just need to let it go. She's with you now and that's all that matters.

 

if you love her and feel you can stay with her, then you are indeed a greater man than i.