Hung out with my ex girlfriend today. I woke up early to pick her up since my dad would be coming home early in the afternoon, we got high on the back porch, watched tv on the couch together, and after varying stages of casual contact she made it painfully obvious to kiss her. We started making out, went upstairs, took off our clothes and jumped into bed. As soon as I was under the sheets she was trying to put me in. The last time I did it was with her, almost a year ago. And I've started smoking regularly since then. And I think I was starting to come down and get drowzy. Whatever the cause, I got tired after like five minutes of missionary and tried to get her to go on top. She didn't want to and said she was too tired as well; I eventually got her to and it was pretty good, but she wanted to stop. So I tried the legs-over-shoulders position which I like, but it kept making her queef so she wanted to go back to regular missionary. Again, may arms started getting tired and I started getting worn out. Somewhere in here I thought to myself "fuck I better finish soon before I get tired or even start going limp," which of course started making me anxious as soon as I considered it. I tried one final burst of energy to fuck her really hard since I could tell that it'd end with a whimper at the rate we were going, and I could kind of feel it coming, but eventually my body just gave out and I couldn't sustain the pace. I had to stop and take a sip of water from the cup by the bed, and went to put it back in it had already started going soft. And that was that. Followed up by what seemed like forever but was actually only like five minutes of lying there saying nothing, then going to Taco Bell and riding around doing not much (walking around not buying much in books-a-million, a pet store, a head shop, the woods) while feeling sleepy and depressed the whole time. Then later a little before I dropped her off, she casually mentioned that she fucked some dude a few weeks ago. Which was just the cherry on top of the day. I don't really have any grounds to object to it seeing as we're not together--she's actually cheating on her long-distance girlfriend while being with me--but it wasn't what I wanted to hear at all, especially after the earlier incident. So at best I know that she and I are dead, at worst I'm worrying about impotence. This happened a couple of times before, though I'm pretty sure both of us enjoyed most of our sex. I can think of a whole host of reasons why it happened: I didn't sleep well last night, the pot made me tired, I was out of practice, we had hardly any foreplay, she wasn't moving enough, etc., but I can't help but think that the root problem is in my head. I'd prefer it be some external factor that I could eliminate. Of course I'm sure some of you have horrible sex stories that'd put that to shame. Which, frankly, I'd kind of like to hear right now.
i don't think its in your head, you can't force yourself to do something you don't really wanna do. i think you were just tired and had a bad fuck, it happens to all of us sometimes.
I did WANT to do her. I'd been anticipating it for awhile. And up until we got in bed I'd been having fun. But in retrospect, I guess I was never really feeling it.
yeah. it doesn't matter how much you want to do something, if you're stoned/burning out and tired (with minimal help from your lover) it probably isn't gonna turn out too grand. like, well idk if this would make sense with this situation. have you ever really wanted a job (like.. idk working at walgreens or something) so you apply but then you get there and some days its okay to be there, but some days you want to go for whatever reason but you get there and you're just balls-tired and then everything goes wrong, like you really gotta shit but the toilet is clogged or you find out that nail polish spilled from the last shift and they let it dry so you're stuck crouched down for 30 mins with nail polish remover and a mr. cleans magic eraser scrubbing that shit up when someone else could just as easily helped you out with it or cleaned it up before it dried? (true story) idk if it really relates, but i guess you could kind of see the sex as your job (pretending you like it), being tired as fuck in relations to being just burnt-out tired and the fact that nobody is helping you clean up the dried nail polish in relations to your lover, and ending a day pretty shitty in relations to a bad fuck then i guess you can kind of see it? idk it makes sense in my head.
I think I know what you mean. And that's probably the case. I've just been having some insecurities lately about this kind of thing and they're being compounded by this. Perhaps it was just bad timing.
