In the Beginning, There was Only Light

In the beginning, there was only light. Intense flashes of cosmic radiation permeated the planets, still in their birth stages. In what would seem like eons, the surfaces began to cool into vast oceans of magma, then rock. Comets and asteroids pummeled the outer shells violently, soaking their rocks with liquid water, which in turn became boiling seas. Earth was not the first to have liquid landscapes. Mars and Venus, too, were born with similar conditions--Indeed it seemed that Mars was the most promising of the inner planets, for life could not evolve so close to the sun, and Earth was still in its birth pains.

Two billion years passed. Mars was alive, but not for long. Its oceans teemed with microbes, and vine-like tendrils were the first to leave the oceans. The sun was not as powerful here, and so life had found ways to work with dimmer light. Vegetation thrived in vast numbers along the surface of the oceans, while schools of fish like creatures swirled about beneath them. Giant blogs flapped through the deeper waters, and to human eyes they would seem to be deformed jellyfish. Further still, glowing microbes pulsated in clusters of millions. In the darkness, one could mistake them for galaxies and stars.

The delicate and promising atmosphere which, in the nature of a womb, birthed the multitude of life on Mars, had at last reached its death. The Meteor was 250 miles wide, and it plummeted into central continent with such force and violence that Mars had never seen. The atmosphere flared up in less than an hour. In an instant in time, all life had been destroyed. Mars was quiet once again.

Yet, by some sheer chance, Mars would live on.

The seeds of life were hurled into space, riding on plumes of water and ice that tumbled out of the dying atmosphere. Some life would be neatly frozen in planetary debri, making their way to Earth in time. Others would simply float into deep space, and in a hundred thousand years, they would find other worlds to seed. For Earth, a few meteors was enough.

It was not long before the very same conditions for life were met, and Earth would not suffer the same fate as its neighbor.

(All I have so far... Had the sudden urge to write this, Let me know what you think.... what needs to be edited? Is there a flow? Could that flow be better?)

 

Beautiful description...

 

I liked your other story better. The one about the syndrome and the end of the world or whatever-- at least that one was confused enough so that I was somewhat curious about what was going on.

You can write-- your grammar and spelling and such are very good, and yes, your story flows well enough so that were the content more striking, it would probably be an interesting story.

On the other hand, mostly this reads like a third-rate HG Wells... written as if 110 years haven't passed. I really don't know where you're going with this, because what you have doesn't even seem like a beginning-- more like a paragraph you'd put somewhere during a down moment in the middle of the book, after something has actually happened. It would help if you had characters, or some sense of direction, but this already seems to have come to a complete stop... there's not much to grab onto as a reader.

Connecting it to the Bible through an opening sentence that doesn't work well as a title at all isn't new either, and to tell the truth, it doesn't seem to make much sense either. You say there was only light in the beginning, then suddenly in the next sentence, there are planets... so really, there wasn't ONLY light then, was there??

The whole religion/science/sci-fi thing sometimes sells well-- but keep in mind that the kind of people who would be interested in this kind of thing are likely looking for new info, not the simple regurgitation of a wikipedia article. To do this well, you would need to do a lot of research or failing that just try to do something that hasn't been done before... and come up with an unusual approach.

 

Try imagining you are looking at the same scene from a totally different location, a different place that you are viewing from. Then write another description of the same thing and then take bits you like from the two descriptions and weld them together in a new piece.
It might take a while but you could get something good from it

 

hey, thanks for the great critique

though as i said, this was nearly a spontaneous impulse to write, so I'm not sure if it is going to grab a reader in any particular way unless it somehow peaks their curiosity. the style just is what it is here, and if its reminiscent of HG, I guess that's just what it'll have to be

the inconsistencies you pointed out definitely need to be edited, thanks! i'll try to smooth out the light and the planet part

maybe something like:

--A blanket of gases sparked with lightning and fire as they condensed into spheres---

good ideas everyone. maybe seeing it all go down from venus or, watching mars' destruction from earth would be the second half?

thanks for your advice people.