sorry for the sad title. i wasnt such a good boyfriend, for a long time, yea, about 2 years. somewhat justifiable if you knew the level of depression in which i was living during that time, but regardless, i hurt her over and over again with senseless things; i was very controlling, very insecure and vain, very shy, but mostly my controlling got in the way. shes only herself finally gotten herself happy, shes at a school where shes really settling in and made friends and is on the path she wants, which i was really happy about as soon as she told me, she said "ross, im really happy at school" such simple words that changed so much for me. we had actually broken up for the first time a couple weeks ago, but got back together after a week becuase of many mixed feelings from both of us, but of course i still wasnt making the kind of effort needed of the situation to fix things. but during this last week when she told me she was happy, and i was begining to do more things i enjoyed, there was just htis huge change in me, and i wanted to make it all up to her, i felt alive and not depressed anymore, so open minded, i wanted to meet all her friends and do anythging and everything with her, lie on the beach, shes always wanted to take me dancing, anything, i felt so good about it, and i was doing nice things, i made her a pie, it was her birthday yesterday and i put so much thought into the presents, but when i brought her the presents, she jsut couldnt understand where all this was coming from. its not that she didnt believe i had changed, but that she just couldnt risk getting hurt again. so after much pleading on my part, i tried so hard to show her i could fulfill the care she lacked and deserved for so long, she still stuck to her decision. sorry for the long post, but its so painful, and im such a wishful thinker, i get lost in these thoughts like shell call me, but i dont want her to feel like a sucker anymore. if shes happy i can deal, but i just missed out on so much and hurt her so much, i lost the chance to really be a part of the happiness in her life
I'm sorry you're hurting brother, but it sounds like you learned alot, and who knows what will happen. I hope you feel better soon :0)
i guess i would say.. focus on yourself right now. try and be the you that you love. when you love yourself, it will be easier to move on and find someone (or reconnect with someone) and know what you really want in a relationship.
at least you can admit you hurt her...your next goal should be to never let it happen again. This post means absolutely nothing if you go back to your old ways.
hey man, don't sweat it... everything will be alright, if she can't take it that you're nice now then...then... then just let it be bro... take care
I think she's just scared. A lot of times, a person who's depressed and all of a sudden is in a great mood like that (I've been there)...will end up just being depressed again. Maybe she knows this and doesn't want to say yes to you for fear that it's just a passing phase, which it very well could be. For your sake, I hope you're happy and it isn't just a phase, but I know the feeling. When I'm happy, I'm extremely happy and I feel like I want to do everything and be around everyone. But it usually doesn't last long. She can just be afraid that this will happen with you.
thanks for all your replies. so much has happened since that dreadful day(her birthday nontheless). i saw her on sunday, she called out of the blue, she wanted to know how i was doing. o my how this did warm my tummy, it got me real hopeful that she watned to get back together, which we didnt, but it was ok, becuase we are going to get trhough this together, and who knows what will happen, but she intends to stay in my life which i am so thankful of because she is the most wonderful person on the planet with those big brown gypsy eyes and her cute little bottom lip and...sorry, i got carried away thanks again
It`s so good to hear of Someone admitting to their much prolonged faults. I`m sorry that things went the way they did for you though. - sounds like regardless, you were just going through shit yourself. as are all of us ... Peace
yea, thanks for the forgiveness, even though i have no idea who you are, id take it from anyone. i was going through a lot of shit, actually, i think its surfacing that i have bipolar, which will be affirmed for sure on thursday, and if i do then its played a huge factor in why we had what we had
