first relapse and scared as hell

i don't even know what happened. i was just so overcome with way too many emotions. all of them bad. it's been almost a year since the last time i cut but today (regretfully) i cut myself. and not once but four times (possibly more i don't remember what happened)

technically this would be a relapse right?

this really sucks cuz last time i ended up in a hospital and then eventually regular therapy. i don't know if i should tell anyone because i'm afraid i'll end up back at the hospital. but i think about it all the time and i think that's pretty bad too.

can you give me any suggestions?

 

Ah, that's tough to hear. I've never had real experience with cutting, so I don't know the mental snowball behind it. It sounds like depression only with a "I could care less about my health or body" factor to boot.

It seems only strangely brave people would do this. I know that sounds strange, but if you think about it, there is nothing natural about cutting yourself and it does take a "brave" person to inflict that kind of pain on yourself. Again, not saying this is in anyway a good or desired activity, just trying to get into the mindset.

One thing I will tell you based off of many peoples' experiences, if you have been to the hospital once, you have been there a thousand times. Nothing changes on their end. They haven't found anything new. They are still using the same medicines and techniques. If you can at all avoid it, I would suggest it. It will only help your financial picture down the road.

Um, yeah, that's what a relapse is. But I wouldn't take it to heart. I mean all bad habits don't just go away. It's a matter of working on ourselves to free ourselves from the negative thought patterns that led to this habit. It's like somking cigs, in you have tried to quit. It doesn't happen over night and there will be set backs, but that is no reason to despair.

Undersand that you are on a life long jounrey to view your body in a healthy way. And depending on how you've spent your time up until now, that could take a while.

But know that you body is a precious gift and as you can see has an amazing ability to heal itself.

I would just focus on some positive acitiives that you like. Maybe exercising or dancing, or listening to music (happy music).

Or even cooking or sports. Whatever makes you happy and keeps your mind off of this specific thought pattern. Maybe try writing out the thoughts that lead to wanting to cut yourself. Once you see on paper how silly some of these thoughts look, you can mentally refute them the next time they come up. Often times, these behaviours are simply a result of us not asking ourselves, "what comes next." When you do that, it becomes easier to avoid bad habits in life, I find.

Hope this helps and may G-d Almighty bless you in all that you do.

 

The only treatment that will work is addressing the cause.

Until you do, find something else to do with yourself. Punch a pillow. Scream into it. Whatever helps you to bleed off the pressure.

Bleed the pressure. You need the blood.



x

 

I also had a small re-lapsed.

was this a long time coming as in you keep having strong urges to cut yourself and you would fight them and they would go and then they would come back? Or was it more spur of the moment?

I don't really understand the draw to cutting, and couldn't bring myself to cut myself, but their are some really great ways to get a pain high. Running to exhaustion, doing push ups and sit ups until you are to sore to move.

 

Sunshine, don't think of it as you falling back into it! Think of it as "I've cut one time in a whole year," instead of "I have to start all over again." That helps me, anyway. Take it a day at a time, a year is an INCREDIBLE accomplishment, and if you slipped up one day that's okay! Just push through this. One mistake. You're allowed that. Keep going, you can get though it