I'm in kind of a confusing situation right now, and any advice would be appreciated... I have a feeling that this is going to be huge, so I appologise in advance and of course please don't feel obligated to read and reply. I have been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 months now, this is actually the first relationship I have been in. He told me a month ago that he's in love with me, and as far as I can tell, I'm in love with him too. I'm happy with him, he pleases me and treats me with respect and decency, just like a lady, I want to please him and make him happy, I think about him all the time, and I've never been happier in my life. So my first question is: is this love? I've never felt anything like it, but I've also never been in love before... Second point of confusion. This man is 36. He's twice my age. When he first asked me out he thought I was much older, and was a bit shocked when he found out I was 18... I guess he thought I'd find him a perv. I didn't, obviously, I never make judgment based on age. We decided to take it really slow, and get to know each other well before we got physical. Two months in, we haven't had sex yet, which is fine with me. I'm a virgin to pretty much everything except actually being nailed... I lost my virginity a few months ago to a stranger while I was blind drunk. I wasn't actually having sex so much as the guy on top of me was having sex. So I still consider myself pretty much a virgin. Never gave or received oral, anything like that. And he tells me he's still not ready to have sex, which I can respect. I'm scared, to be honest. I don't remember much of my first time and I'm as scared as any other virgin about the pain, and whether I'll know what to do... I don't even know what my question is here. Honestly, I don't know what "ready" feels like... unless it's the same as horny. How do I know when I'm ready to have sex with him, and when he's ready to be with me? Third thing, and this is where I'm having a problem. When we're together, whether making out or just goofing around, if he touches my breasts accidentally he'll jerk his hands away immediately and get awkward. He never touches them otherwise. I told him already that I don't mind him touching them (though I didn't specify that I want him to). He told me he's not ready to take that "step". I don't really know which step he means... to me my breasts are not solely sexual. They're also there as baby feeders and on a sexual level, why wouldn't they be the same as my neck, my butt, my lips, or anything else he grabs or kisses? I don't understand why he's so afraid of them, it's not like they'll bite him. It also makes me feel a bit ashamed of myself... I have a hard time being comfortable with my body as it is, and when he's uncomfortable that makes me feel awful. I want to just tell him this, but I don't know how, without making him feel uncomfortable or pressured. Last issue... my biological time bomb has just exploded. Tonight, as a matter of fact. Fortunately he wasn't around... but all of a sudden I burst into tears and felt that irresistible urge to make babies! I need to have babies! My body is telling me to get out there and have sex and make babies, and my brain is drunk with hormones all wanting babies! The rational part of me is of course telling me, no babies, not yet, you're too young, you have to be able to support a family! And I don't know how long this relationship with my boyfriend will last, I hope it lasts for a long time... but if it does, I can see a huge problem down the road. I (now) really want to have children, and he really doesn't. He feels he'd be a bad father because he wouldn't be able to discipline them. I dunno if that's his only reason, but it's the only one he's given me. I asked him once how he'd react if I were pregnant with his child, and he said, I'd probably cry my eyes out and then try to be the best dad I could. So I don't think kids with him would be completely out of the question... but what am I talking about? We're only together two months now. It's much to early to think of that. So what do I do about my baby urges?! Wow. That is a huge text block. I don't expect many replies... I don't think anyone wants to wade through all that. I mostly just wanted to get it off my chest. I guess all I can do is talk it out with him. Thanks anyway
If you're careful, the age difference isn't too much of an obstacle. My wife was 25 and I was 48 when we were married in '82 after knowing each other for five years. Don't be in a rush to make babies! Wait for at least 8 to 10 years. You're way too young to be tied down with the responsibilities of parenting. Being a Mom is the most important thing that you will do in your entire life .... wait until you can do it right.
Thanks for your response I know not to rush the baby thing... it's just so hard to desperately want children and not be able to have them. I know I gotta take my time, get my life worked out... so I can give my children the best life possible. Thank you for the encouragement
I have been in the same situation , only as the older person , and I can tell you one thing , hes probably SCARED !!!! I am scared beyond belief because i feel so vulnerable next to this person who is so young , and so innocent compared to me . And though I love her , I feel almost as if , once things happen , that I will somehow be corrupting her , even though she claims to feel the same love for me that I have for her. The best thing you could do is to sit down and have a deep heart to heart talk with him , you might be suprised to find out how he really feels , there can be some real fears there on the older persons part. Good luck to you both !
Thank you so much for responding. I guess I can understand this fear, and of course most of my innocence is being given to him, which is a huge load for someone to carry. He did a few times tell me he felt that he was changing me, because as I'm more comfortable with him I'm not as inhibited and can be just as "dirty" as he is... I told him he wasn't changing me, but getting to know me better. I don't know if he believes that. We have had many talks about our relationship and about sex, but he never mentioned any fears... I will definitely talk to him about it. I appreciate the words of wisdom so much eace:
