Do you all find yourselves continually needing to redefine yourselves with the passage of time? When I was a teenager, everything was changing, and many parts of the world opened up to me. I was confused about who I was, what I should do, and where I should be trying to go. Throughout my 20's and 30's, everything changed again. I was confused... Now I'm in my 40's. I'm still amazed at how things keep changing. I occasionally catch a glimpse of my former self. That younger me is like a familiar stranger. I no longer want many of the same things I did, but in many ways I'm more "me" than I was then. It's always a shock when I realize how much I've changed. I know much more now, and my instincts are unbelievably better about people and situations. I'm much more comfortable in my own skin. But in some ways I'm still trying to figure it all out, just like a teenager. When I look at what how much my perspective has changed in the last 20 years, I can only imagine what changes the next 20 will bring. Does this resonate with any of you other oldsters here?
I try not defining myself. It's better this way. I know I'm different then 5 years ago, but I don't concentrate over that difference. However I agree that knowing yourself is very important and a constant process. But you must ''know'' yourself from within, and not ''look'' for yourself in an outside social indentity package set thing. I don't think I need an identity other than ''myself'' to love life and be happy, do I ? Peace
He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.
"Where self is, truth is not. Where truth is, self is not. Self is the fleeting error of samsara; it is individual separateness and that egotism which begets envy and hatred." - Buddha
Im pretty much who Im going to be till I die , other than I want to gather so much more wisdom , I want to learn almost all there is to know before i go into the next lifetime , so Im always studying , always asking questions , always searching thru all the shades of answers , and asking myself , what if....and maybe , but.....till I make myself nearly crazy .
Caring less and less about re-defining myself and who I will be ... instead, I want to see better what the passage of time means, what it means to be alive, and what awareness is ... and open myself more to what I feel is real beyond the glittering world of every day which whirls so fast but seems to stand still at the same time. Are we there yet ? Yes, and no. Being 55 soon - what a wonderful time to be. Death comes close ... this too I want to fully understand, and not compromise to the illusions we have learned to take for real in the schools of this society. Life re-defines itself all the time and I am part of it. And even if I have overseen many of its lessons in all those years of re-defining myself, it's all still here. Where will I take it ? There are still many roles, but this is not all it is about. As all the things that I thought I was, have been roles, and facets, and lessons of change; they all brought me on the way back home, again and again so that I could I set out and change myself again and be alive. Life, too, is the celebration of life ... And here is Death, asking 'Who am I' ... Who are you ? Are you being true ? oh see, I am change too ... and if I do not see this, I may not be fully aware of who I am, just of one side; but the other side is just as close. I am I Am since I entered this world, and will be I Am when this world passes out of my sight ... and also I know I have changed all the time; but this is just like a tree who grows and changes with the seasons, or a seed that becomes a flower celebrating the light, and then soil again; or a day that turns into dusk, and dark night and into dawn again. The world stands in full beauty, sometimes it seems old, and sometimes young. The heart is the teacher, and this too is never old. And maybe this is all and I've always have felt this way, but just did not always know it. And now I come to see this is all me; who I have been, and will be, and also all those parts of me whom I've been good friends with in my life, are all still here - whereas those parts of myself I have fought at times are becoming friends now more and more; they, too, have changed. I think we all together make good company. It is now, but now changes too. Sometimes I think the time of older age is the time of a journey, a different one .... of realizing life is a pilgrimage, a station before going beyond, and going into the beyond of beyond. Sometimes it looks like this society has not much room for such ... but we do it anyway. Yes
I see no need in redefining myself to meet current social and cultural standards. After-all, I'm not a 60's rock star.
Wow, Many excellent replies. Thank you! I am totally blown away by Moving_cloud's reply. If you have any spiritual awareness, Moving_cloud's Personal Forum, Inner Journey, is excellent reading.
I think refining ones self is a great thing, and EVERYONE does it. Through experiences and events, as well as just about everything... You are always being refined.
As I approach middle age, I don't think I "redefine" myself so much as I see my true essence emerging. I've become more of a humanist and less materialistic, less concerned with the small stuff. I've become more open and forthright, but at the same time hopefully more considerate of people's feelings. I think being rude or mocking in the name of "honesty", for instance, is not honesty at all but simply grandstanding. I find myself directing my attention more outward than inward. I'm less concerned about playing out predefined roles in society, but more concerned with being a decent contributing member of it. I want to be a good role model to girls and younger women. I'm more concerned about taking care of people who can't take care of themselves ... the elderly, the mentally disturbed, the homeless. I am happier now than I was 20 years ago. I no longer have the daily issues of parenting, running a household, and running a business. My children are in college and doing very well. They're my best friends. I do think that the idealism of my youth has been tempered with more realistic expectations. We're not going to solve the world's problems ... we probably never will. But we can solve our own, and we can brighten the lives of the people around us. That makes for a life well-lived, in my opinion.
I'm constantly redefining myself. I've been told that, "you're never satisfied." I guess that means that I don't appreciate what I've got. I'm a seeker. I'm looking for something that I can't seem to find. Is it fame, fortune, true-love, inner peace, wisdom? I find myself living in the past - thinking I'm someone that I'm not. I'm not 30 years old anymore. I may feel like I'm 30, but when I look in the mirror - I know who I am. So, who am I? I'm a famliy-man, that's how I define myself. How do I know this? It's ironic that just yesterday, I had this realization of who I am. My sons were over to celebrate Christmas and my older son was telling us about the "New World Order, " which is a conspiracy theory he is researching. He talked about how this New World Order has caused the breakdown of traditional families. He talked about how children are growing up without fathers and how we don't have grandfathers and fathers to pass down wisdom to the children. Both my sons said that they were fortunate to have both parents still together and not divorced. They said that all of their friends' parents were divorced and it has affected their friends personalities. I sat there thinking, man, I could never break up the family - it would hurt my sons and I would never want to do that. So, I know what I need to be - a role model for my sons - a husband and a father. Maybe someday I'll be a grandfather....
Maybe someday I'll be a grandfather Excellent observations, Spud. I can't wait to have grandkids. I just pray that my daughters stay nearby. I couldn't stand not seeing my grandchildren almost on a daily basis. I'll move if I have to, just to be near them.
