I would like opinions here...

I'm still having problems with my parents. And it's kind of a long story, I appreciate any comments or advice.

My ex boyfriend came over last night. All he did was sit on the porch with me to share a taco bell and talk, and my idiot brother told my parents that he was with me outside. I don't understand why, but they still hate him...so my dad came out and told him to leave his property. Well, we did, we went up the street and hung out by his car for a little while. My brother, I guess trying to be a bad ass, hung out by the window and just watched us up by the car. He actually thought we were gonna do something to his car, so that's why he was watching us. Well, since he was acting so stupid, me and my ex just started messing around with him, like waving to him and pretending to look at his car and whisper things...eventually he came up to the street and told me my dad wanted me in the house. My ex wanted to talk to him, to try and find out why he had a problem with him. My brother wouldn't even go near him, I think he's afraid of him. So I agreed to go in the house, said goodbye to my ex and went in to talk to my parents...hopefully to talk some sense into them. I came to find out it's just never gonna happen. They don't want me near this guy SO MUCH that they will just kick me out of the house...just for being friends with him.

The way they acted last night was just RIDICULOUS...and I told them that. It made them more mad...my dad just kept yelling, and hitting things...starting to get violent. My brother (for reasons still unknown) was also talking to me like a jerk, calling me a whore, tramp, bitch...everything there is to call me. Just to mess around some more, and maybe to show that they're really overreacting, I turned on some music and started headbanging while my brother was busy yelling at me calling me names, and he comes over and pushed me against the wall, arm over my throat, and punches me in the head. I just look at him and laugh, so he leaves. My dad comes back, automatically thinks I did something HORRIBLE (??? I was just listening to music and dancing around) and gets violent, starts hitting things, hits my head, yells and then without even listening to me at all just leaves. Well, I wished him goodnight anyway...I was in too good a mood to argue and be pissed off. My mom came to my room and talked to me about my ex, and how she hated him and doesn't want me around him EVER. I simply tell her that it's just not gonna happen, I"m still gonna be friends and still hang out with him. She has nothing reasonable to say, so she left and went back to bed.

The whole time, I kept calm, never got an attitude, never rose my voice to anyone, never fucking took a swing at anyone, and basically kept cool. While everyone is freaking out for no reason at all! I honestly don't see anything wrong with having a friend come over for a little while, and not even in the house! My parents just hate him so much and it 's stupid to hate so much to resort to kicking me out on the street, just to prove their point. My parents are such closed-minded, violent, IDIOTS. Why would anyone act like this...it's just stupid, there is no other words to describe how RETARDED they are acting. I'm honestly afraid that my ex won't be friends with me anymore because of my parents. I'm beginning to think that I've caused too much pain in my house, and that I SHOULD just leave. But I have nowhere to stay for long. I'm sick of having to fight my parents everytime I want to see a friend...they're being SO dumb.

I have a car, which used to belong to my brother, but now my parents are gonna make me pay for it. So once I get the money for the car, I'm really considering just leaving. I could stay at friends houses, work, and just save money until I can get a place of my own. I don't want to live under my parents and their stupid 'rules' anymore. You can't talk to these people, they refuse to have a civilized, open-minded conversation. So fuck them, I need to get out of here. I can't put up with this shit anymore, and I'm not going to stop being friends with this guy, we care about each other too much to never see each other again just because my parents hate him, for some stupid reasons at that..they barely even know him, because they refuse to talk to him. So if anyone has advice for me, about going to live away from my home...Like where I could go and how I'm going to afford certain things. I've got a few friends that have told me in the past that I'm welcome to stay at their house, but I doubt it would be for very long. So I may just switch around until I can pay for a place of my own. Any help is appreciated, thanks for reading. I didn't really know where else to post this, but I'm gonna go put it in with the alternative living forums too.

 

wow thats terrible. i know how tough it can be, i have problems like that with my family as well. im sorry

 

i rekon your parents have no say in the matter whatsoever, parents think they run things, its your life, you do what you want with it, they cant stop you and as for your brother, forget about him, he sounds like a real dick anyway, ive had something similar happen to me, my parents didnt want me dating this girl so i said, FUCK YOU, IM LEAVING and i left, i have never looked back either

 

Well, you are 18, so you could legally leave. Are you still in high school though?

 

Your brother had no right to call you those names and punch you. Is your father a drunkard?(I can't spell the politically correct word, sorry.) It sounds to me that your family has a problem excepting your boyfriend. (I'm guilty of this to so this is why I'm going to say this to you. In question form.) What did you do to upset them? (Two sides to every fight.) I do want you to do this: Next time your brother puts a hand on you either hit him back or tell your boyfriend. Guys that bully women are less than poop and need to learn that.

 

Although you are friends with your ex now, what are the circumstances of your breakup? Did he do something to you that makes your parents hate him? Is he involved in anything they might be afraid you will be involved in? It sounds like we're only hearing 1/2 the story here. It sounds to me like your family cares enough about you to try to protect you from harm, adn you're being stubborn about it. I could be wrong, but it all just sounds fishy to me.

I'm not saying what they did was right, clearly they overreacted, but people don't usually overreact like that unless they have a really good reason. And even though you were reacting in a non-violent way, you were still behaving immaturely by instigating their anger with the whispering and dancing and whatnot. In cases like this, just say nothing and walk away.

And before you tell me that I don't understand, know that I do. This all sounds like a normal day of my teenage life back then. In hindsight, I would have handled it differently. But I think that knowledge comes with age. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

 

No no no! Just either walk away, or call the police. If you call the police, they are less likely to do it again. Violence has never in the history of man resolved violence.

Also, to go running to a man everytime a guy hits you makes women look weak, and it will only cause more problems.

 

no i'm out of high school, and i have a job now. i would leave home but i don't have much money and i don't make a lot at work, there's no way i could support myself without help.

my dad's not a big drinker. he'll occasionally have a beer, but he's never really drunk. his problem is anger, he gets mad and then gets violent. to answer the question,"how did i upset them" I got caught smoking pot with this guy, and they think it was him that got me into drugs...but i did pot before i even knew him and they simply won't believe me. I also got caught stealing (because my brother saw my bf and me at the store...he works at the place i stole from...so when he saw him there he told security to watch us) and they also think i did it because of my bf. That's not true either, I stole plenty of shit from the store before i knew him, and never once got caught or set off any alarms or anything. I won't be stealing anymore, but I still do pot. I have to hide it real well or I'm doomed. They still have no right to keep me away from him because he does drugs...their argument is this: when i'm hanging out with people who do drugs I have a greater chance of getting arrested. That's not true though, we're responsible pot users and we dont even do it that often. Once in a good while. They also don't want me near him because I've lied about a few things in the past, lies that would make it able for me to be with him, because they didn't want me to see him. It's just all so messed up in my family...I can't take it anymore, and I'm not going to go through this again so I'm looking into leaving as soon as I can get the money to get started.

 

hey gloom.... so sorry to hear about the current hell-at-home. i agree with bellfire that they should certainly not be touching you, i have 3 bros and though we fight, they never lay a hand on me, so you should calmly tell them not to touch you the next time a fight starts. also, don't try to rile them up; do your best to keep civil and cool-headed.

anyways, that's not the point. that's not cool of your folks, but i totally understand.... god, families are so eager for drama sometimes. you're a smart girl, why do you think they have a problem with the guy? what happened in the past to make your mom & dad hate him so much?

as far as advice goes, i do think you need to move out...... eventually. don't take off within the next month or anything, for the love of pete. if your ex knows you at all, then you should explain to him that your parents have laid down the law and you're sorry about it, but no more visits to the house for the next little while. maybe meet him somewhere else every now and then where they won't find out?

in the meantime, i'd just get a job or two, work my ass off and save it all, then start looking for a cheap apt somewhere, maybe find someone looking for roommates or something. this is where it gets crazy... you're 18, are you in school? college? do you work? do you want to move to another city, or stay put? you'll have to start thinking about those things..... finding an apt won't be a big problem, and if you manage to also pay off the car then you won't have trouble moving on your own.

just don't cut off your ties with your family; although they're insane (who's family isn't?), you might be alone and needing them one day, and you'll want to stay in contact. seriously.

anyways, good luck dude...... hey, if you want to talk or anything, pm me and i can give you my email or something.. msn, whatever.

peace,
sophia

 

well, they kind of do since you're living under their roof, their rules really. plus, they're your parents so they have a little influence, don't they? i understand your frustration, but i can also see from their point of view. they come from a different generation, and they want to help you..... they see stealing, drugs, lies, and they obviously don't know what to do about it except keep you away from whatever is influencing you (because it couldn't possibly be coming from your own innocent mind, right? ).

i mean, if my mom found out i was a thief, do drugs, and caught me in a bunch of lies, ..... plus just generally doesn't understand my lifestyle or friends, she'd be freaked too.

it's all about cooperation, do what you want in your own time, but keep your folks happy also.

 

I did everything to keep civil, I do admit I pissed off my brother on purpose and that's why he hit me, but I didn't do anything that hurt him in anyway...i turned on some music and ignored him for christ's sake.

i got caught smoking pot with him and they automatically think he got me into drugs,(which he didn't) so they hate him for that

he hasn't been around in almost a month, when he came over last night my parents were asleep. it was my brother who woke them up and told them he was here...he is such a bastard little pussy...I told my parents I was still going to hang out with him, even away from our house, but they don't want me with him ANYWHERE...I tell them it's not going to happen so they just threaten to kick me out.


I have a job now, I'm out of school, and I'm planning to save money and be out of here by next year. And i have told my ex all about what my parents do and what they think of him, he knows from my dad yelling at him too, and he has also insisted that I leave home. I'll be working on finding out where I'm going to stay in the meantime, and thanks everyone for the help

 

my best advice to u is get out if u need more advice on how let me know i moved out when i was 16 currently im in the military and in this fucking sand box "IRAQ" i've moved around alot within one year i think i moved like 16-17 times so if u need more advice then that post it...... like everybody else was saying they should not be touching u no matter what i disagree w/ that 1 person who _(seemed like to me was saying they can hit u if u piss them off) im diff to me a female should never be hit heres some advice on that if u want it to stop u really want the abusive to stop when they hit b sure it leaves a bruise first but call the law seriously just bc the cops come out there dont mean they will have to go to jail realize that call them tell ur parents and /or bro there fixing to go to jail have them scared as shit when the cops get their tell them u want press charges so long as they will take a min or two just to talk to whoever it is that hit u ........ as far as all the bullshit that is going on at home i know first hand kinda what ur going through most definately GET THE FUCK OUT let me know if u want more advice

 

running to a man everytime a guy hits you makes women look weak, and it will only cause more problems.[/QUOTE]Not if you run to the right one honey. That walking away crap doesn't work. Plenty of women try that and end up hurt. He needs to know that you mean it. well place kick convays the sentiment.

 

Walking away does work, honey. Been there, done that. But hey, if you want your friend/boyfriend whatever to end up in jail on your behalf, go for it. I wouldn't do it for any of my friends, and I would never ask them to do it for me.

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. Violence won't solve anything. And what should her plans be for the rest of your life? Should she run to a man for every little problem to have him beat the person up? This is how the cycle of abuse continues.

 

"well, they kind of do since you're living under their roof, their rules really."

This kind of shit is disturbing to hear. Can you really say her parents are worried about her well being when they're punching her in the head? I mean, if this was a kid who, i don't know, broke a dinner plate or something, does that give a parent a right to beat or cuss out their kid? you know, rule #7, thou shalt not break plates. It's one thing to discipline your children, it's something totally different to abuse them.

My advise to you is leave. Don't run off, but make sure you plan for it, Save yourself a good bit of money, and never look back. Don't tell them about it, don't get angry and throw it up in their faces, they might try to stop you. Smoking a little pot isn't reason enough for that kind of reaction, and sitting on YOUR FRONT PORCH eating fucking tacos is even less of one, no matter who owns the house. And when you leave, leave a note or something, make sure you point out that slapping you around and shit isn't the way any normal decent parent would handle the situation.

 

I can not believe the bullshit you motherfuckers are recommending this girl do!! It is like the blind guiding the fucking blind. I haven’t read anything worth reading. This girl is going to end up a dead prostitute with a needle in her arm if she listens to some of the advice some of you are offering. Do you really think you are doing her good guiding her like that people? Holy mother fucker. There is no wonder, none at all, why this world sucks so much after reading this bullshit.

 

okay, what the hell moonshyne... if you read my post, you'd see that the first thing i said to her was that it was unnacceptable that she was hit by her father.

what i was referring to when i said, "their house, their rules", was the issue of who comes to the house... namely, the ex they (mistakenly or not) decided they don't like. i don't care if it's lousy as hell, as long as still supporting her, they do have say in the people in their house. thus, i said she should prepare to move out on her own in the near future.

the deal with the fight becoming physical was wrong, and another story.
i believe she was asking about moving out.

sophia.

 

you curse a lot, and say very little. care to share your own opinion, or are you only capable of vaguely bashing everyone else's?

 

No I don’t care to share my opinion. You know why? Cause now I am the person to blame. You are hopelessly blissful in life and you want it all but you have no idea what it means to sacrifice. Your alphabet isn’t twenty-six letters long; it is only nine.

Here is an idiot child (I think you are only qualified to make this statement through experiment) who wants it one way regardless of sense and self and others. It is there that humanity is expressed. Yes she can do it herself, yes it may be easier but it will never, never be right unless she decides to wake up and realize that this place isn’t about her and experience speaks volumes more than she could ever know right now.

Unless, of course, she is dating Rawls.


But he is dead.

 

I'm sorry, I just misunderstood your post a bit. I agree that the ex probably shouldn't come over IF this was something that they had already discussed with her. From my POV though, I'd much rather have my daughter sitting on the front porch eating tacos with someone I don't really approve of, rather than lying to me about where she's going so she can hang out with mister X. that's just my opinion though.

As for you OSF, this girl is 18, you can't live with your parents forever. I don't recall anyone telling her to run off, become a prostitute, and stick needles in her arm. I suppose it could turn out that way, but telling her to save up her money and move the hell away from there isn't going to cause it. Isn't that how it works for most people?