Ahoy, I seem to have a bit of a problem. I'm 21 years old and dated my first girlfriend for about 4.5 years. And for those 4 and a half years we never really had intercourse because, low and behold, she's a lesbian and hated it. We did just about everything else except intercourse and every time we'd try she'd start shrieking and saying it hurt really bad and we'd have to stop. After several of these attempts I got used to it not working and I would become very scared of hurting her and I would lose my erection. After we broke up she told me it felt like being raped... needless to say that messed with my head a lot. I am a very gentle guy and when she said that to me I think a couple screws came loose in my head because I now have a new girlfriend and the two times we've tried intercourse I completely lost my mood and couldn't go back up. Our last try we had about a half hour of foreplay which I was completely good to go during but as soon as she said she was ready I started panicing. I know my ex was a lesbian and I know it was nothing I did but as this point it's subconcious and I start to panic and can't go back up. This is so totally fucked up, I like this girl so much and I can't even show her... does anyone know what I could possibly do? I feel like I'm going crazy here. Thanks for listening everyone, Kyle
Hm, that's a hard situation (not literally). It may help to tell her about your past relationship and why you have this mental block - if she is understanding she can help you overcome it. (another bad pun)
Wow no offense but I think your ex is a bitch for saying something like that. Seems like so heartless of her. I agree you should tell her about what happened in the past. I think if she starts to understand and you start to get closer sex will become alot easier. Just a suggestion since you are having a hard time with actual sex maybe, you should go down on her. Work your way up to sex, this way you can still show her how much you like her. Tiffany
There can be a zillion different things that form our sexual beings, and we are all different sexually. If you are going to have a fulfilling sex life you need to learn to be accepting of your partner’s sexuality without judgment …. and if you cannot, then you’d better find a new sex partner. Did your ex tell you that she is lesbian, or are you just assuming that because she didn’t like intercourse? I’m assuming that she was being honest when she said that it felt like rape. A relationship without total honesty is doomed from the start …. even if it does last 4 1/2 years. I don’t blame her for being honest, I blame you for not being empathetic. There are many possibilities: She was sexually abused as a child. This is often difficult to admit. She has an unusually thick hymen. It’s often hard to admit to being “different.” She has strong or moral reasons for not wanting full intercourse, but doesn’t want to be ridiculed. She could truly be a lesbian, but I think that there is a deeper reason. From all that you said it doesn’t sound as though you had very good communications with you ex, nor with your current GF. You have to start talking. Talking is easy … starting can be hard …. but you have t do it …. and you have to make it safe for her to talk. Good luck!
Ok let me clear up some confusion. My ex is a lesbian, she's dating girls, that wasn't just my stupid explanation for why she left. Also my new gf knows about all of this, I told her everything and she's been very sweet and understanding. But that still doesn't fix the problem. I've also gone down on her like 4 times because it always ends up that way. Thanks for the help everyone.
It may not be what you want to hear, but time will heal. Eventually you will get over this and it will be in your past and not come up again. Though because it was such a long period of time in your life, it may take a while. Hope everything goes well, and I am sorry you are experiencing this.
