hey guys and gals..i was having a truly horrible night and wanted to vent out all of my frustrations from the past couple of weeks. so i decided to write a poem just tell me if your feeling it, and of course constructive criticism is appreciated! I see a picture of myself One of which I have not seen It sits upon a large old shelf Where memories have gone and been And in this picture I am young A smile on my face so strong A smile that I hardly recognize I shudder just to realize For all the times I've been a mess For all the wrongs I've caused I hope my mother will digress That my innocence is lost Yet I see a gleam of hope Some hope for this young boy For when I hold this picture next My new smile will it test
don't be a dick, bhaskar. its his first poem. my only advice is to read other poets. shakespeare isn't the only one, you know.
I'm not being a dick, I'm telling him to drop the compulsive need to make poetry rhyme and use a freer form to express himself. Rhyme is hard to do and nearly impossible to do without sounding like Mother Goose or a Backstreet Boy.
im a bit tipsy on egg nog right now, but i have to confess, that your criticism does truly impress my bad guys im drunk..but i will take your remarks to heart, ive been researching for a bit on different lyrical schemes and whatnot..not finding any useful info it would be quite helpful if anyone can shoot me a couple of web addresses that might be useful for my future poetic endeavors here;es one more i wrote that night And now I see you standing there With snowflakes shimmering your hair You say to me our time has come Your patience seems to slipped on none I cringe to think of this defeat I loathe myself with courage gone You seem to find my love unfit But yet you choose to linger on I dream of you each night and day And for our love I always pray For love is nothing but a game A game, where attitudes are tame So miles apart we are tonight And still your love caresses me It seems to me, your mind's made up Without me better off you'd be once again i know that i might sound like a backstreet boy but its arite, im a quick learner
