To damn picky or what?

Hi ya'll. well um I had some boyfriends in the past, but I've been single for a year and a half now. its mostly b/c I just wanted to be free and have no commiment. I still like to talk and hang out with guys from time to time, but like basically all the guys ive met really annoy me. They're either too concieted, sexist,racist, rude,or insecure, and what really bugs me is when they treat me like I don't know anything. Alot of guys I meet are like this, and once they say something that I think is stupid, I don't have anything to do with them anymore. Like, I usualy always find something wrong with a guy i'm talking to. I dont know if its because these are just the kinda guys I tend to meet...or because I just haven't found a good guy yet...but maybe I'm just too picky. But, I mean, I wouldn't lower my standards for anyone. So I don't know. it's weird too because I used to dress more..umm..sexy i'd say, and alot of dumb guys would check me out. Well, I wanted them to in a way. But usualy those are the guys who bug me because they probably think they can get 'some' from me. But now, I dress however I want and not so sexy, now alot of those guys don't really look at me anymore. I just want a guy to notice me for who I am. Ahhh I'm weird. I just don't know if im being to picky or what, but now I kinda would like a boyfriend. Well anyone have any thoughts? Thank you!! :&

 

There is no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone has at least one thing wrong with them. But if that thing is racism as oppose leaving the seat it, probably best to steer clear.

There's nothing over-picky about not wanting to date guys who piss you off. Fuck them, but don't date them. Trust me, dating someone is not that important, it's better to be a bit too picky than not picky enough, one means you might miss out on a really sweet guy, but the other one means you get to be a catheter for some drug dealer's spunk.

 

Very well said!

 

I really don't think that you're being picky at all. I think that you probably just haven't found a guy that's truly worthy of your time and commitment. Or, perhaps you are AFRAID of a commitment, so in turn you tend to pick apart the potential guys that you may become more seriously involved with.

Just be yourself, and I'm sure that the right guy will come along in due time.

Much love, peace, and happiness...

 

Act
Now
Stop
War
End
Racism


AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

 

Just be yourself and eventually you will find someone that you will click with and everything will all make sense. From what you described you are just going through some natural growing pains. Just be yourself and you will be fine, because eventually someone that is perfect for you is going to love you FOR you and everything else won't seem to matter after that.

You'll probably go through some periods like you are now where you can't seem to win. But just have good friends to get you through it and you can always make it out alive and happy. It will all work out in the end (as cliche as that is).

And if you need someone to just talk to, you can PM or email me and I'll help any way that I can.

-Litos

 

I don't think your being to picky, if you don't like they guy then you don't like him. Just be patient and enjoy your life. love comes when you least expect it.

 

couldn't of said it better myself...

 

I seriously think it's a California thing. I live in north San Diego and I have never really clicked with the guys here and the only people I have dated are actually not originally from here. When ever I go to another state I always have interesting conversations with men but here I just never connect and if they're under 30 all they seem to want to do is smoke and surf all the time.

 

I live in England, and even I got that impression of Californian guys. I think it's the sun, gets to their brains. Move to Wisconsin, all the boys there are cute, indie, and very very gay.

 

Most guys are pretty.... special like that. Especially if you're dealing with guys really close to your age. Teenaged boys are, for the most part, complete idiots. That's why I'm dating someone who's 24 years old (big difference for some, but better than a 30yo). I find nerdy guys are usually a lot more mature and intelligent (generally speaking) than the rest of the teenaged population.

 

Haha thanks for the replies. I like them all! Even the person who laughed at my sig! But yeah, I agree with Self Control.... "the guys who piss you off, just fuck them, not date them" hehe well maybe it is a california thing...haha i wish i lived in san diego, i love the beach! and i know alot of teenager guys are so annoying! but even some of the older guys i talk to like 18-19-20 they act the same way. haha...but anyways, yes thanks for the replies! :sunglasse

 

exactly why would anyone want someone young who doesn't know what they want and doesn't know how to act around women when you could have an older guy whose already been through all that crap and is over it.

 

I don't think you're being too picky. Why should you settle for someone who does not fulfill what you want in a person, either looks-wise or personality-wise?



On an unrelated note, may I pick apart people's grammar for a moment?

The word is "TOO," not "TO." If something is more than desired, it is "TOO this" or "TOO that," not "to this" or "to that."

If "YOU ARE being too picky," it's "YOU'RE" being picky, not "YOUR."

Come on, people, write like you at least attended school, even if you didn't actually pay attention.

And, "couldn't OF" should be "couldn't HAVE."

Just because when it's pronounced, you don't hear the H, doesn't mean that it's written as "of" instead of "have." The verb forms in English, for the past tense, use the verb "HAVE" as a "helping verb."

- "I HAVE gone flying."
- "We HAVE bought a car."
- "I shouldn't HAVE (not OF) eaten all of that ice cream."

I apologize if this sounds condescending. I don't mean it to. It's just very frustrating to me to see people making errors out of these simple constructions. I hope at least someone will take a learning experience from it.

DejaVoo, you should try to remember that everyone is going to have something wrong with him. (Mine is that I come across as arrogant. )

YOU ALSO have things wrong with you, and what if some guy you're talking with is sizing YOU up at the same time as you're sizing HIM up, and deciding what about him is crappy or annoying? Wouldn't you want some slack cut to you? But at the same time, I understand what you mean. It's not really that difficult to get an overall feel for "how a person is," and it is fair of you to allow yourself to take an impression of a person. If they seem abrasive, or conceited, or selfish, or intolerant, or whatever, and that comes across to you that quickly, pride yourself on your perceptivity and move on as quickly as possible.

I've been waiting to meet the right person myself, and I know it's frustrating and takes lots of patience. Keep at it. Don't give up, but learn to be happy in your life alone because that's essential before you can be happy with someone else.

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

Um, I wouldn't say "fuck them, not date them," because what do you think that's gonna get you? You think a guy is annoying before fucking him, and then you "fuck him but don't date him" and you'll be able to get past the annoying qualities? Why reward a guy who's a total asshead by fucking him? Just 'cause he's physically appealing? Don't be that shallow, puhlease.

And I know you're young, and I'm "old," but you gotta trust me on this: if you're looking for "maturity" in a guy who's 18-19-20-21, forget it. Better off looking for a diamond that's the size of a grain of sand at the beach among all the normal grains of sand. From the perspective of a 33-year-old-guy who thought he himself was "mature" at 18, 19, 20, etc., guys that age are not mature and probably won't ever be. I'm feeling more and more confident that when I'm 50, I'll look back at 33 and think I was immature then! But please, do yourself a favor and don't expect too much of the 18-25 year old set.

Relax and be less judgmental, but as you said, don't drop your standards so that "jerks" can be your boyfriends. Here's a clue: if they were clothing that has logos on it like "Fubu," "Sean John," "Tommy Hilfiger," or similar ones, don't bother with those guys. They are morons, every last one of them, if not in all ways, then at least in many significant ways. Find a down-to-earth guy who isn't fool enough to spend $65 or more on a pair of jeans or a shirt. He'll be the guy who will lavish his attention (and yes, his money) on YOU, rather than his player/poser fuckin' wardrobe. And if he's white and talks like he's black... leave that alone, too. And if he does drugs, leave that alone, too. And if he thinks it's the coolest, most fun thing to do to go to a bar and get wasted on $5 beers, leave that alone too. Anyone who thinks a fun time is alcohol and/or drugs, has no imagination, no intellect, and will not be a good person to spend a long-term relationship with. There's a reason that newspapers are full of arrests of people who had problems with these things that led to domestic fights, car accidents and deaths, stabbings, shootings...

Good luck to you.

-Jeffrey

 

I don't think you are being too picky, because I think when you meet the right one you overlook their imperfections or at least their imperfections don't seem like such a big deal.

 

I figure he'll probably tell everyone he shagged you anyway, and you might as well get something out of the experience so it's not a total waste of time.

Maturity is over-rated. Older people talk about maturity as this absolute virtue, generally about the time they start to lose their looks. The fact is that yes, most guys that age are looking for a good time. This isn't necessarily a lack of maturity, it's quite normal for people that age. It may not be maturity in the "nesting instinct/hunter gatherer" sense of the word, but when did relationships have to be so staid and obvious that you just go for a nice honest provider and no surprises. I mean, yes, it's safe, no, you won't get your heart broken; but you'll probably get very bored very quickly and start a string of affairs, because deep down maturity isn't actually what you want, so much as spontaneity in moderation. This is also an oxymoron, but it does exist.

There's whole sections of young male society that you can probably circumvent altogether, but don't dismiss guys on the face of it. If you want to meet someone, you have to open your mind to people, even if you don't open your heart straight away. The worst thing you can do is meet a guy and decide he's The One. The most enjoyable part of a relationship is the excitement of not knowing where it might lead; if you've decided what you're calling your first child before you've even got out of bed the next morning, that probably won't help matters.

Main thing, most important thing of all, is that when women go out looking for a man, they scare the shit out of people, and it's not because they're Boys Not Men, it's because it so often comes across as desperation, which is profoundly unsexy. Just try and hang out with guys without necessarily sleeping with them, and eventually, you might meet someone just right enough.

 

Oh...well yeah I know, when I sometimes find a thing 'wrong' with a guy, I understand that's just how he is, and you know, its not nessarlily 'wrong' -its just annoying to me. And I know that there is alot of things about me that could be annoying to other people, sometimes I think I act dumb and I'm a hyprocrite sometimes(and i'm sure theres alot of other stuff that someone could be annoyed at!). Ah, I just have to understand everyone has flaws. Well, but I just don't want a guy whos disrespectful, ya know? And I don't know what I was thinking about the 'maturity' thing....maturity? What IS that anyways? Who's to say?! I suppose its different for everyone. I acctualy think maturity just comes with experiences and open mindness and learning from your mistakes, not nessarly 'age'. There might be a guy whos 18 who is more mature than another 21 year old. I think it just depends. And of course, I don't blame guys for just wanting to have a 'fun time', I mean I want that too. Who doesn't want that? BUT anyways, I remeber there was some quote that had to do with falling in love with the imperfect person, but hes/shes perfect to you. I forgot how that goes!! Well, anyways, thanks for the more replies, you opened my mind a bit!

 

Selfcontrol wrote an articulate rebuttal, but just because I think it was well written doesn't mean I agree with all of it.

Maturity is being intelligent and down-to-earth enough to be able to see the world around you, and not just the world in front of your face. It's the ability to make wise decisions; to treat others kindly and respectfully; to not think or act as though you are the only one in the world who matters; to be as good as your word; to be honest; to be reliable; to be friendly as opposed to arrogant and confrontational and unapproachable; to honor your commitments; to be looking for things of meaning in your life instead of cheap quick thrills. To me, those are all part of maturity. If you find a guy under 25 who is those things, keep him. Blow him daily, let him eat/fuck/spank you if he wants, let him do your ass, because he's worth whatever it takes. (I'm kidding about all that, but not about a guy being worthwhile if he fits those descriptions.)

If a guy takes you seriously, and respects you (truly, and not just as a means to get to fuck you), think about letting some of his sillier little flaws go.

-Jeffrey

 

LOL

Indeed. Add to that: those that are pseudo-bohemian (meaning that they buy expensive look like they are worn in holey jeans and grow long hair because its Sooo cool and so 70's, and wear those trendy "AC/DC" tee shirts), those that are pseudo-punk (ou know the ones i'm talkin about?), those that never ask questions about YOU, those that talk about their job or their knowledge incessantly. I suppose you can discern them on your own, but those are just a few that I would definitely avoid.