Now. We've been together 3 months and I guess I'm just ready finally... he told me there was no pressure and he'd wait for me as long as I need. And I believe that too, it just didn't take as long as I expected. Well now I'm ready, and I told him.. and he's not ready all of a sudden.. What the hell? I guess I thought guys were always ready. Or something. I've been getting some mixed signals from him since we've been together, he suggested at the very beginning oral sex but since I wasn't ready, he dropped that. He said a few months ago he was going to buy some new condoms. He's described what he's going to do for my first time, take me to a fancy hotel with the roses and the candles and the silk sheets. We're also really open about sex, so now I'm very confused. I mean, I will show him the same respect he showed me, and wait for him to be ready, because pressuring someone to have sex never ends well. But it just kind of made me feel terrible. This is prolly totally irrational but it made me feel like there must be something wrong with me, something he doesn't find attractive or whatever. I don't know how to talk to him about it either. I guess what I mostly want to do is make him feel good. Any thought? Eh. Mostly just wanted to get that off my chest. Sorry for the big chunk of text, this is becoming a habit...
Slow down and keep your head screwed on straight. His hesitancy could come from a multitude of sources ….. and it’s up to you to establish the communications that will determine the success or failure of you sex lives together. Make it safe for him to be totally honest with you about his sexual feelings and desires. Be honest with him and be true to yourself!
He did tell me he is afraid of hurting me. Which is very probable. I don't really know how to ask him about this? Sex is easy to talk about for me until it's personal. Then I get nervous and can't express myself. Thank you for responding. I know and already knew that what you advised is the right way... it's just really hard to get past the urgency of my adolescent sexual energy to the deeper, more important part of sex. Sigh.
No. We don't do anything sexual. I would love to give him head (would be a first for me), which I know he wanted at some point in time, but I don't even think he wants that anymore. He told me he's been having a hard time in the last few months getting... hard, so maybe he feels self-conscious about that. All I really want to do is make him feel good, and have that closeness with him...
i think he probably has another girl. it is not uncommon for men to get a second(or third) woman to satisfy their needs. i definitely wouldn't be having it if my girlfriend wouldn't fuck for 3 months.
Tell him how you feel. You obviously don't think he is inadequate because of it, let him know. Im sure it is crushing to the ego. Is he also your age? If so it could be stress related... is he an alcoholic? I'd say try to help him through it.
mmg, that was a totally useless and immature comment. If all men are like you, sex being the only thing you hope to get from a relationship, then I have just lost my faith in humanity. You can satisfy your needs by wanking off to free internet porn, which doesn't involve being unfaithful to your partner. Beef, he's 18 years older than me, which is one of the reasons we both wanted to take it slow. He's not an alcoholic, in fact he doesn't drink at all. I wouldn't be surprised if it is stress related... he gets up at 3 every morning and we both work a physically exhausting, high stress job. I asked him if that was the reason we aren't having sex, and he said it had nothing to do with it... Maybe he really is just not ready, which I guess I just didn't expect.
I say he sounds new to sex like yourself and your initial anxiety transferred to him. Asking him to wait and then building it up that this is your first time and should be this way or that way can make a young guy nervous. The fact that he is going for the roses and silk sheets is a nice gesture but it may reveal his desire to live up to your expectations. I would rule out him having anyone else. If he was already banging someone else and had a virgin on standby, he would certainly beat the breaks off you as soon as you said go. Don't dare believe that there is anything wrong with you though. It's normal to have a certain level of awkwardness with sex initially. Talk to him and take some of the pressure off asap. Don't expect him to pull any all nighters either, that usually comes with practice, if he blows...let him take five and try again. Bring KY lube just in case you have issues with penetration. Have fun.
It seems to me that you and your BF are getting way ahead of yourselves. Instead of trying to guess what is going on in each other’s heads, you need to be exploring each other’s bodies. Not having intercourse …. not even thinking about doing IT …. just learning about all of those secret places and how they like to be touched ….. below your ear …. back of your neck …. his nipples ….. behind your knees …. base of your throat …. palms of his hands ….. make it a game …. make it fun …. laugh a lot …. learn about your bodies …. let nature take its course. Communicate!
Ok guys, I'm feeling much better about this now after all your responses. Mothman, he told me he's "inexperienced", he's only had 4 partners... is that really inexperienced? Because then I don't know shit. Anyway. I will try to let him talk the next time we have a chance... he works full time, I work part time and am going to college, so it's not easy. But thanks to everyone for the encouragementeace:
what girl would want you? seriously saying stuff like that really isnt going to help you in life at all. grow up, be a man and get some emotional sensitivity.
well its just want he wants! shit. at least his not wanting to waste anyones time if sex is important! im sure in the in future he will find his girl
