My boyfriend and i have been together for about 5 months. we just moved into a great house and our relationship is fabulous... except we NEVER have sex. i try to pursue him all the time but he keeps pushing me away. I know he loves me but i just don't understand why he would want to avoid something as important as sex is in a relationship. Whenever i ask why he either gets pissed off or just says "just cause... i dunno" Does he really love me? Do some men really just don't care about sex? i dont want the rest of my life to be like this. I love him so much but if were only gunna be having sex a couple times a month i dont know if i can handle it. I dont want to leave him but if he refuses to change, should i?
Sex changes a relationship. Thats a fact. Sometimes for the good, sometimes not good. Perhaps he's afraid if you guys go to that level that something might change.
You say "never"...have you had sex before? This is probably something you should be talking to him about. Let him know how you feel and how it is affecting your relationship.
no,sounds like they've already had sex. If you haven't though, then that's OK. Give him some more time if thats what he needs but then again you've just moved in and you need to be on the same page. maybe make him a nice sit-down meal and have a talk about it. sex should be an open subject.
I agree with Luxiebow, you just need to talk about it. Tell him that sex is important to you and that you need a reason to understand why he pushes you away. I don't have a good idea as to why he would be doing this, was he ever embarrassed about something that happened before? past relationships? I suppose you wouldn't know if you have to come onto here to ask for help, but just talk to him.
You haven't given a very clear description of what is going on but I would say that the pursuing may be part of the problem. Try just being relaxed and casually intimate. It could be that he prefers to pursue rather than be pursued. PS. masturbate so you don't go crazy
my god i masturbate all the time. its annoying. i masturbate more than before we were together. but yes we have been having sex. at first we were just friends who had sex and it was always amazing. then we started actually being in a relationship (his idea btw) and he started smoking pot a lot. not so much at first but it seemed that the more he smoked the less we had sex. i have tried to talk to him about it but every time i do he says im trying to "change him". i dont care if he smokes but i would prefer if he didn't do it everyday. he has a great job and he hunts on the weekends, so i understand he's tired all the time and i have left him alone and tried to let him pursue me. but he never does. the other day he was home all day. he wasnt tired, just stoned. we havent had sex in almost three weeks now so i started kissing him and he continued to push me away. he plays when he does this so im always confused as to whether hes joking or not. i finally gave up and he moved on to another project. he knew i was upset because he didnt want to have sex so he tried to make me feel better by playing and trying to get me to laugh. it worked... ish. i really think its the pot. or maybe hes gay. who really ever knows. duck season is over so maybe it will get better. but i dont know what to expect really. i love him and he is such a good man. but its such a blow to my self esteem when my own boyfriend, the man that im planning the rest of my life with, doesnt want to have sex with me.
If someone says you are trying to "change them" just because you want to talk about fixing your relationship, it may be time to move on. He isn't willing to meet you halfway. News flash to him: he has changed and that is the problem. It bugs me when people say things like that as an argument, because change is not always a bad thing. And we all change throughout our lives due to age, experience and such. It's called growth.
I've been in several relationships where this kind of thing happens. Sex is pretty much the defining part of a romantic relationship... otherwise you're just friends who hang out a lot. Not to mention that sex really should be the easiest part of the relationship and when that goes, in my experience, it's always an indicator of something else going on at a deeper level. I agree that communicating your frustrations openly, to the point of being blunt, is necessary in this situation. If things continue you could consider getting your sexual needs met by somebody else if you really want to stay with him. Or if you really want all of that from one person it might be time to move on.
The only way to get anywhere with him youve got to get him to talk about whats holdin him back even though may be near to impossible to do. I am a similiar male in a longterm relationship with one women. I havn't wanted to have sex with her. I only do it when I have to. I say that I don't know why I have a low libido, or make excuses. The real reasons are to hard to deal with, and would lbe really hard for her to here.
