Sometimes I wish I was a bird, My heart would be wild and free. But to remember who I am, I'm chained and on my knees. Sometimes I wish I was with You, Held tightly in your arms, Cause everytime that you're around, My world will all go calm. Sometimes I wish I could escape, Just run away and go. But as I'm pushed ack to the floor, I'm chained slapped and told NO! Sometimes I wish I just said no, My purity remained. Cause then I wouldn't be in this mess, My happiness contained. Sometimes I wish I could make this end. Make all the sadness stop. And that is when I think of You, It's You that gives me Hope!
It's an excellent draft. You're focused and there's strength in most of your rhymes. Now give it the ear test. Read it out loud to yourself. Every time you have to stop, or restart or stumble, mentally mark that as a passage point to change. Flow. Don't stop. You're almost there!
I found this well written poem to be expressing despair and restriction. Why do parents feel the use of the word 'no' should be so common? It is such a powerful word that closes down imagination, dreams and freedom. However the word 'why?' is just as powerful.... for it reopens the closed door and asks for reasons. Are those we desire more attractive because of their distance?
