I just had a 9 foot elimination, and some cake donuts

I woke up dizzy as hell, and damn right! I felt what was storing in my ass since last night.


Around 8pm last night I knew there was time for evacuation but I was too lazy to go out in the snow and shit. I made plenty of yellow snow yesterday but taking a dump is a whole nother story.


Fast forward to this morning and I really stepped out of bounds when I stood up from my slumber.


I made it approximately 5.8 feet to a garbage can outside my office and I couldn't get the lid off the can fast enough.


I sleep in the nude for fast access to morning masturbation so no worries about that!


I broke the lid on my garbage can in the furious attempt to gain access, but my oh my what came out of me would have Charlton Heston buying another gun. Damn!

The pile of shit I created was so big that the can tipped over and onto the floor. Fuck that aim, at least I got it in the can.

Anyway, a small rug was affected in the process but I then put my clothes on, trudged through the snow and went to the shitter this time and dropped another pile of ass logs!

Fancy that! I had so much stored in me from yesterday that my spock senses told my head to be dizzy because IT'S TIME FOR THE FUCKING BIG ONE!


Thankfully I wasn't hurt in this process, I do feel better but I accidentally dropped my urine jug right at the door into the basement.

I now have a frozen urine slick right at my door which is a class 2 hazmat exposure to me and any animal that happens to be jealous about a frozen gallon of urine.


I will live to see another day, but 9 feet of colon brownie was enough for me. I ate a rather large breakfast and it's sitting in me like I just had a complimentary mint.


I don't know if it was the chex mix or the chicken noodle soup, but I removed anything that resembles spackle on my colon walls.

My rectum presently feels neglected, like I've exposed it to something not readily experienced on a regular basis.


I'm presently devouring a prewrapped cake donut whilst listening to my space heater slowly break down from years of operation, brushes worn out on part number T6=4721E-521-C.

 

a post this long about a shit? the only one who gets away with that is tgk....you my friend have way too much time on your hands

 

this was copied from another site


:toetap05:


you got some explaining to do, cuz this is NOT your story.

 

lulz.....just when I thought this couldn't get any lamer



I think he's a ganja wannabe.....most of his posts are about shit
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?p=5186266#post5186266

 

well shit is a hot topic!

 

he isn't even close to my caliber.


his details suck, his stories are plagiarized, and his poop don't stink.

 

what the fuck ever dude, everyone's poop sticks dude. you're just has almighty majesty stick which in turn can clear a room.

 

well, unless it has an odor above 23pn I'm unable to detect it.

and his must be well under 23pn.

mine goes somewhere in the range of 8500pn or so

 

lame shit

 

wow dude u could clear a whole house with that stench! lol

 

house?

were talking the evacuation of an entire town

happened once. Now they know what it is, and don't concern themselves.

 

it's it amazing how when people are educated about things they no longer seem to care.

it goes with the whole afraid of what u don't know thing most humans have those kinda issues

 

I keep telling them they could die, but they hear nothing of it after they found out it was just a fart.

lets hope this town stays non-smoking

 

right one little spark could blow everything away! god forbid anyone have to live off a wood fire, you'd turn it into a flame thrower!

 

they had a meeting and wanted me to plug it, but then I called the ACLU on my behalf and they said that my health was more important than EPA regulations

 

plugging it could make u spontaneously combust, like kenny and half the town of south park until stans dad figured out that u needed to fart all the time HOOORAAYY!

 

I tried to tell them if they built a natural gas power plant in my backyard, I'd be more than willing to sell the entire county electricity at a quarter of the cost of the company that currently has a monopoly over the area.

they worried about safety.....

bah, if it blows it blows

 

yeah but i can see where some concern may be, i mean that stench around for miles and miles and then getting rid of it would be even more difficult, in the long run.

i could see why they don't want the risk.

 

they are just arrogant assholes.

I mean, practically free electricity, and they are worried about a little pollution.....


no, Allegheny Power sucks these guys' dicks and I'm not willing to undertake so many new customers right now. And they won't give up their blow jobs.

 

like u would? come on dude!