staying together for the kid

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Maitereya, Jan 18, 2009.

  1. Maitereya

    Maitereya Member

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    Whats your opinions of staying together for a child? Say one parent wants to get a divorce, the other doesnt. Is it right to stay together for the kid? Any advice or experience would be helpful.
     
  2. hiro

    hiro pursue it

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    I personally couldn't stay together just for the child because all that fighting would make for a hostile environment later affecting the child.

    But if I was to make a true effort at staying together and keep fighting separate from the child I could possibly consider it.
     
  3. HushBull

    HushBull Insuperior

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    I'm glad my parents split
     
  4. fricknfrack

    fricknfrack Member

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    i'm very sad my parents split; HOWEVER i'm almost 28 and i NEED to get it together and realize that was a while ago and it was for MY benefit. Whether it was for their personal reason or because of this that and the other thing BOTH parents still love the child equally. Furthermore, staying together JUST for the child is torture on the child, if however you can somehow work it out ie mediation councelling etc go for it , but just let your child know in advance if divorce is going to partake that its NOT their fault.

    You know i am still affected by my parents divorced and wished my parents were still together but se la vie. I have the most awesomest step mother and i couldn't have asked for more. my moms the worst, not very supportive at all. i just wish you the very best in your journey and know that the loops and leaps that follow will be good ones as well as sad ones if you want to Pm me by all means please do so.
     
  5. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

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    There are plenty of well-adjusted children of divorced people out there. There are also screwed up ones, it depends on how it is handled.

    I would not stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of my child. You are giving them a bad example of what a relationship looks like, and you could affect their future relationships.
     
  6. hippychickmommy

    hippychickmommy Sugar and Spice

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    My mother and father stayed together (my mom wanted divorced, my father did not) for 13 years before she finally filed.

    To be honest, her staying with him as long as she did probably did more harm than good to my sister and I. All we grew up seeing were the fights, the anger, the verbal abuse. Our home environment proved to be quite unstable, and I feared the next outburst.

    It took many years after the divorce before my parents could actually be civil to one another. The ironic thing is, the two of them get along better now than they ever did...they're very good friends to this day, both very involved in my life as well as my sister and my childrens' lives. They're more of a team now than they were when they were married, that's for certain.
     
  7. Luxiebow

    Luxiebow Senior Member

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    if your truly unhappy you shouldn't stay in any relationship. I do feel though that you should make more of an effort once you have a kid. The joy I see on my sons face that both of us are there for him is just amazing. Before we had Riloh our fights would last wayyy longer than they do now and I know it's because we have Riloh there we have to just get over it and move on. I never saw my parents fight and I want Riloh to grow up that way too.
     
  8. Traceroni.

    Traceroni. Senior Member

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    It depends, my parents still love each other in some ways, but they got divorced. I think it was for the best, they loved each other, but weren't in love and ...it got complicated and was just better for every one. It worked out though, I grew up with both parents, who we stayed with switched every once in a while to make it fair, but not confusing.

    It's different in different situations though.
     
  9. Earth mama

    Earth mama Member

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    Personally I think you will do more damage to your child being unhappy in a relationship than splitting. It is important for a child to see its parents being affectionate and loving towards each other it teaches them about healthy relationships and how to have one. If your child sees you unhappy in your relationship it will not know how to have a healthy relationship either. I only met my biological dad last year for the first time, Im 24. My mum has been married since and divorced again she is now with a man she loves which is lovely. I have been with my husband for 9 years married 2.5 but I couldn't be with him just for our daughter its not fair. You deserve to be happy as well and not with a person you dont get on with. Good luck with what ever decision you make xxxxxxx
     
  10. Newport_smoker

    Newport_smoker Member

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    no....shure its nice to have that "family" image but dont make your kid grow up thinking their living in world war 3....most kids would rather their parents seprate and happy then together and fighting or depressed all the time....just think about it.
     

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