i cannot describe

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by helen-maple, Oct 21, 2004.

  1. helen-maple

    helen-maple Member

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    i watched thru new perceptions
    as the colors bled
    and faded into the space before me.
    outside the colors ran but stayed perfectly in place.
    keeping my mind focused i wandered everywhere.

    i listen to my heart beat
    the breathing
    the eating.
    wondering,
    her words rang true?
    the effect of smoking,
    the thoughts
    the process.
    holding on to the negativity.
    rigid, fierce, holding on...
    desperately.

    heal me, heal me,
    help me
    see me,
    cant we share the burden
    and create something new,
    something beautiful?
    instead of denying the truth
    the essence of our living..
    this dying.

    i have many veins
    like rivers.
    my muscles.
    this skin,
    covers me.
    kiss me and know
    what lies beneath

    scattered.
    the mind connects.
    eyes,
    they cannot stop from seeing.
    my thighs
    hold so much tension.
    relax,
    into the nothingness.
    we forget
    how much space exists
    inbetween
    everything!

    ahh, we are made of water.
    bouyant.
    fluid,
    what do you think the spirit is made of?

    i imagine a river
    blue like green
    the way the wind
    sweeps atop the surface.
    forceful and so gentle.
    the water................

    i bend over with humility
    to the elements i cannot describe.
    my simplicity
    enables me to feel,
    but to understand....
    i cannot,
    and therefore to expresss, is so difficult.

    i love you.
    without knowing you.
    i cry
    my eyes shut,
    from not knowing how
    not knowing why.

    i love you.
     
  2. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    Aww....I needed to read this, so glad to have stumbled over. It's desperate, passationate and soothing all at the same time.
    I think this describes my current moods about right, so kudos for sharing this. Loving and not knowing why and how...sometimes logic is evil. *sighs*
     
  3. TheLizardKingMike

    TheLizardKingMike Members

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    Lots of emotion. You write what you feel. The best way to do it.
     
  4. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    Great images sprinkled over quite powerful emotions, here! Your opening stanza was fantabulist, really setting the stage well. "the effect of smoking" I loved that, breaking down almost mundane acts into a kind of scientific analysis is always cool in my book.

    I do think that the "heal me, help me, see me" doesn't work so well; reminds me of "tommy" too much. I think if you simply removed the "see me" that connection would be lost, to your benefit.

    And this:
    that's just wonderful. the pinnacle of the piece, imo. Thanks for sharing this, tremendous work!
     
  5. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

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    Your poetry creates sensations on so many different levels. I enjoyed the whole work, thank you for sharing. I love you, too.
     
  6. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    ~*I had to read this one a few times. Just so much there. Well written and thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks~!
     
  7. novarys

    novarys Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    wow, very well written.
    i can imagine the emotion you put into this.
    good job
     
  8. helen-maple

    helen-maple Member

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    hey thanks alot for your thoughts and comments.
    i appreciate them so much.
     
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