Help me with this girl situation: I need closure

I just think you and I don't get eachother...at all....

when i was a bartender, i was a young, single, party animal...I didn't do anything ever exclusively for a tip, I did it because it was fun , because it's what I wanted in that moment, and because there was no harm in doing it....

all i did all day long was make drinks, flirt, and talk...to tons of different people, and lots of these guys are all over you....some can feign genuine interest for the sake of ass(because really, most things are for the sake of ass) some clearly just want ass...some will come back day after day trying to build up the balls to make a move....you see all sorts of different techniques and games- none of which you take seriously....it's just fun

I've never done anything with anyone I wasnt attracted to, I'm not taking away from that at all dude...she's obviously attracted to you, but at the end of the day don't you wonder how many more special customers just like you there are?!

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I am giving you my honest opinion and sharing my experience.

I really do hope things work out for you, and expect an invitation to the wedding

 

What's up with all the defensiveness and sensitivity? Again, chill out mate

Besides, I never said you're clingy. I said you come across as obsessive. Increasingly so. But nevermind.

 

The first poster in this thread and my mom made me change my opinion; they didn't confirm it. I definitely think I overreacted, and I'm going to take a step back. But without assuming that she does not have any interest and closing the door.

 

That seems to contradict your initial post. It's my current take on it, actually. It's one thing to say she's not interested, another thing to say that she is interested only to a degree and so far. So, all I'm doing is adjusting to that.

And yes, I am aware of other special customers. It's condescending of you to assume that I wouldn't know such a painfully obvious fact of bartending life.

It's obvious you subscribe to the notion that men are clueless toy-thingies. Just remember that that is the men you chose to interact with. It's got nothing to do with me.

 

why are you so freakin neurotic? you're worse than a woman....


I told you what I think, I will summarize it for all intents and purposes one more time:

1)I really don't think she's that into you, I think you're a good looking guy who comes into her work...she's somewhat attracted to you, but you're not the only one she has similar feelings towards....it's all very casual to her, meh- type situation....

2) I never did anything I didn't want to do, and I doubt she would either...take that whatever way you please since you're misconstruing everything i say anyways

3)why are you stressing so much over something so trivial?? if it really bothers you, call her, text her, talk to her....get it over with, that way you know one way or another...maybe she'll appreciate your assertiveness.

:cheers2:

wanna have a sleepover and we'll give eachother facials and cry about love while watching grease, dirty dancing, and the notebook?!

 

im not being condescending dammit!!

if you know about them, then i'm sure you know her reluctance to anything even remotely resembling commitment.......


thats all i'm saying


thats all

 

I just find it funny that if I respond to a post with my feelings I'm neurotic, obsessive, and defensive - but you and Kozmic are doing exactly the same thing: responding to a post and defending your position.

Anyway, I think I'm done for now. :cheers2:

 

so take out that top line of my post and you don't have much of a response do ya?

yeah, i think you should go have a nap now

 

It's an old trick. Someone disagrees with you and there is something wrong with that person. It's called projection. I'd definitely say I'm a thorough, passionate guy, with a penchant for heated debates. :cheers2: But you need not tell me what I should do.

 

Seriously, go have a nap.....ask your mom, she'd agree with me:cheers2:

 

I was just thinking that I was unfair in saying you were manipulative with the guys you went out with when you bartended. Maybe you had a genuine interest in them but it's difficult for you to express open interest for fear of being hurt? You don't have to marry someone to be interested in them, you know? If you enjoyed their company aside from the tips...you're interested on some level.

I have a problem disclosing interest myself, so I'm just asking...

Generally, I like to go by the rule of thumb in conversation: I-statements; you-questions. Having a conversation with someone who makes assumptions about the other person is... difficult.

And you will find that a lot of the assumptions you make about the other person are often problems you might be dealing with yourself and project on to another as a defense-mechanism. Kozmic insinuating that I'm clingy only to say that she's clingy herself is an example of that, I think.

Further, some people are more passionate than others. I don't like to keep my emotions under wraps. For people who are weary of strong emotions, that might seem scary. But I don't feel like strong emotions are a problem so long as you express them constructively.

 

lol this is getting heated :boxing_smiley:

Mum’s right. Let her make the next move.

... and you're welcome

 

And even if she does, at this point I would have to decide if it's worth my while. All of this introspection has actually had the effect that my interest has waned. I guess I was able to gain closure on my own, just by talking to family and friends.

 

I'm going to agree that she's not into you. She probably started a conversation to be polite and then asked to hang out without really meaning what she was saying. When I was working as a server I would say stuff like that and not mean it. I was just trying to get them to leave me alone so I could finish my work.

If I did meet someone that I liked however when they called me I would be assertive on getting a date.

 

EXACTLY:cheers2:

 

I don't think this is a professional issue, to be honest. There are women who have difficulty being honest with men regardless of their line of work, or in which circumstances they meet them.They feel they can't say no, and the best way to make people leave them alone is by rejecting passive-aggressively.

I'm not going to judge your methods, but I've met women who clearly state their minds and they seem to go through a lot less trouble with unwanted attention.

In my case, if she thought I'd tip her more for feigning interest, she was very naive. Either way, at this point I've lost my interest regardless of where she's coming from. I like women (people) who are both assertive and sensitive, and obviously she's not it.

 

Who needs to be professional? I was a server not a lawyer. It's not a serious job and I think you know that. I can be professional when it's called for, which is not when I'm working some easy job to get threw college.

She was just playing you, your just really defensive about it and jumping all over everyone who tells you that because you feel like a idiot for not seeing it yourself. Don't take it so hard, it happens to all of us.

 

I agree. But I said nothing about being professional. I said that people can play games regardless of their job or if they meet someone at work or in any other situation. There are bartenders who don't play games. And by games I don't mean just flirting, which is easily identifiable. That is all.

I'm not jumping over you or anyone else. I am disagreeing with the idea that those kinds of games are necessary, whether you're a bartender or not. Whether you feel defensive for playing those kinds of games in the past, is a different story.

 

Considering her age, I'm guessing mid to late 20s???

She seems quite distant, but I lack the details to give you more advice.