How do yu deal with at the top of the lungs screaming? Absolutely no manners Rebelling Ruling the house and disrespecting the animals ruly teens 9 and 12 I am only a step mom with so many patience i work and go to school and i only have so much i can handle. ANYTHING that went on -went wrong Basically i was at my wits end -everything turned out fine in the end- But how the fuck excuse my french do you tell a hormonal teenage girl stop it with out flipping your lid and screaming. I lost it this weekend i really did and i felt bad- its not me the cat hid and when i gave her a pat she meowed-poor Seanna is there something i am missing i realize i am banging my head against a brick wall and talking to mysel when i talk to them and i am going further into reality the worse is only coming - But oh my!!! Plz tell me it gets better
Why is their father allowing this kind of behavior? Take away a couple of things she loves, then give her the cold shoulder. She wants a rise out of you. Hit her where it hurts (removing internet priviledges, phone, tv, transportation, etc.) and then just ignore her. Tell her she can have these things back when she starts treating people and animals with the respect they deserve, and stand your ground without backing down or giving into the brat so she knows you mean business. (I'm not a parent, but this method sure as hell worked on me when I was an unruly little monster.)
If you're the stepmom, you cannot and should not try and discipline them. They will only resent you more. If you had come into their lives when they were toddlers, it would have been different, but now it's too late. Their FATHER needs to step in and handle his kids. He's the only one that can have a real effect on them. You need to bring this up with him. It's not fair for him to expect you to deal with this.
We have a very good understanding about both girls and have discussed that if "I" had my own kids they would be raised differntly, because their mothers are just i have no words for them. I would not treat his kids the way their mothers treat them. So when they come here they think they can rule everything its very hard when its a split family. I was once there. My mom was a total Bitch and my dad was very strict. I was very rebellious!! So i can understand. But i do sit them down and explain i understand how your feeling but its not okay for you to talk to me or you father like that. He'll than talk to them separately. I know what its like to have an awesome step mom and a wicked step mom. I will not wish the wicked step mom on his kids because i went thru hell with my dads ex
I'm going to go out on a limb here... talk it over with him: what is acceptible, etc. My sweetie is a step partent and he has always ben treated as a team member in the parenting. BUT he's lucky that he's been around 14 years for a 17 y/o male. Seriously, if your hubs is having you care for the kids solo, you have to have boudaries and rules that must be respected. rewards and punishments shoudl be worked out between the parenting "team." In your case, you and your sweetie.
I say, "have you lost your mind? you were not raised like that!" Then ignore until someone/something is getting hurt. Model appropriate behavior and reward them when they get it.
Bumble- not quite yet if i did i wouldn't be here asking for help now would i have , the way you directed it makes you look like you never do anything wrong BULLSHIT! YOU be the one trying to deal with the triangle of the situation- not the "worker" or worker that comes in and gives advice. I am a enhance worker but when it comes to child in your own home its a different story- the same rules do not apply than other houses. Sorry - but that doesn't work. We try are hardeest and sometimes hardest doesn't work. Children aren't perfect neither are adults WE ARE HUMAN we make mistakes. I just want to make sure i know how to apply the skills when my hubby isn'r around.
Yeah, seriously. You come on here asking for advice and you freak out. I may not have my own kids, but I have to deal with lots of kids on a daily basis. Kids who throw tables and grab the fish out of our fish tank. The reason why I suggested to tell the kids those things is because it is the most respectful way to do it. You're not their mother, so they will take offense and shut down if you yell and tell them what they're doing wrong. You don't want them to hate you, so it is imperative to take it slow. Just remind them of the rules and remind them that they were not raised like that.
They are probably doing the lot of it just to get under your skin. Ignore the situations. It can only go one of two ways.
As a stepchild myself whose stepmother REFUSED to be involved in parenting, I appreciate your efforts. She may have been 'making sure we didn't become enemies', but for the most part I felt rejected and uncared for. Children WANT us to parent them, even when they're freaking out. When I read the beginning of your thread, I was prepared for you to be talking about 3 year olds 'cause that's how mine has been acting! My stepson is 14 and has suddenly started making calls just before visiting us and refusing to come or trying to start trouble. I don't think teens know much better on how to deal with all their hormones and emotions than a 3 year old knows how to deal with their lack of control. Don't expect them to act rationally! lol Kids test boundaries all the time, sometimes they are jerks and it's hard to remember they're really not on our level and not get as angry as we would with an adult doing the same thing. Good vibes to you and thanks for being an involved stepparent. ps - I think we all find it hard not to lose it a few times a week ;-) I have many friends who are parents who will attest to that. Take it easy on yourself.
Thanks so much. Split families are very hard. however when i was younger i had a very wicked step mother who would make me wash walls clean her daughters room etc she was a drunk and i would never ever make my step kids clean walls. I tease them when they are bord, and they say that "B" word i say hey wanna dust wash they floors clean my room , vacuum do the dishes ??? huh huh huh??? Well your not so bord then eh? Go and find something in your room and you won't be bord . It will be quiet in the apt and you know something is wrong HAHA . They are either A) are getting along ? B) sleeping C) not getting along ? HAHA Ya its hard sometimes esp since i have homework school, work etc . I made it that i don't work on the weekends that we have the kids i just do h/w. Reading and essays and workshops to prepare for its a whole lot on the plate when i can only handle so much. i think when the nicer weather comes were gunna let them out run at the park. Its just so cold here CANADA eh? HAHA
They are my jewels- i found out when i first got married i couldn't have kids that they were my only -not biological which hurt me SO much not that it mattered but i really wanted my own. BUT i just found out that I CAN in the next 2 years i have to get weined off my meds and put on new ones
Well, I don't have step kids, or kids for that matter. I was however probably one of the most awful kids that you could ever have, I was a goth, drug addict who managed to get arrested on a trafficing charge. I think what would have managed to get me undercontrol would have been my parents listening to me rather than talking to me. I was telling them in my own ways why I was acting like I did, if they had listened they would have figured out why I was doing it on their own. I dont know if that helped, just my $.2
no offense, but honestly, you were acting that way because you wanted to. you quit, most likely, because you wanted to. what would you have told your parents that would have made you quit using and trafficking drugs had you got it off your chest?
It was all a cry for attention, sure I wanted to act that way, but if my parents had been the support structure that I needed then chances are I wouldn't have been so bad. Lets put it this way, at 16 I asked for counsiling and was told no. So yeah, in my books after that it was my parents falut not mine, it's not like I didn't ask for help.
As the mother of 19-year-old twins, it's my opinion that one of the biggest causes of parent-child conflicts is micro-management. I always tried to treat my girls as emerging adults who were mostly free to choose their own course, and I took my role to be "bringer of values", not the arbiter of their daily lives. I chose my battles carefully, and tried to avoid "me vs them" scenarios. If they wanted purple hair or pierced tongues, well then ... I gritted my teeth and shut up. But if they called someone ugly names on the playground and hurt their feelings, then I stepped in pronto. It's a question of core values, and the kind of human beings they were. I'm not saying we never had disagreements. Hell, having twins is hard because they always knew exactly how the other one felt and they were experts at manipulating the conversation toward the direction they wanted. What got me through it was keeping things simple and sticking to what I knew was right, and not worrying about things that didn't matter, like their clothes or their hair or how messy their rooms might be. Eventually, we got through those early teen years and now the three of us are the best of friends. But back to the subject of this thread, obviously I don't know enough about the situation to sit here and try and tell anyone what to do. But my advice, for what it's worth, is to be careful about micro-managing. Don't worry about things that won't matter in five years. Don't let them turn things into "you vs. them". Pick your battles. If something is not that big a deal, let it go. And to the "back of your hand" comment, I can only say this ... how do you figure that's going to solve anything? All that will accomplish is more resentment, more rebellion, more bad choices, and less cooperation. Moreover, you're greatly increasing the likelihood that they will in turn use the same methods on their own children.
