When do you risk emotionally investing in someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Cherea, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

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    a) when both of you express interest in getting to know each other better?

    or

    b) only when you commit to that person (and vice-versa)?
     
  2. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

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  3. neodude1212

    neodude1212 Senior Member

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    Different choice for different situations, I think.
     
  4. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

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    But you risk getting hurt without good reason if there's no commitment there.
     
  5. hippiehillbilly

    hippiehillbilly the old asshole

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    at least wait till after they actually answer your first phone call..:rolleyes:

    beyond that,id say b.
     
  6. MaryJBlaze

    MaryJBlaze eleven

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    you beat me to this one though:D


    I would've said pretty much the same thing
     
  7. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

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    i`m in a kinda situation like this. plenty of emotional investment though, already. now, just getting to a touching stage is the difficult part. probably more so. we`ll proably both be way committed after that. we both want each other so bad we know we`d hafta totally live together after that. we`d both be co-dependent on each other.
     
  8. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

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    in other words i think i do the emotional thing first.
     
  9. neodude1212

    neodude1212 Senior Member

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    Is there ever a time when we invest in something and we don't eventually get hurt?
     
  10. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

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    Good point. :cheers2: We also invest more (and therefore hurt more) when we commit. So it might be two different roads to the same destination.
     
  11. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

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    I'm just saying you shouldn't throw yourself at someone's mercy without a good reason. Don't hurt unnecessarily.
     
  12. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

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    ya, that can be a tiny problem. love can become a co-dependency sometimes. a couple needs somewhat seperate lives @times. i`m only staying away from my current friend 8 hrs a day. but she`s kinda wanting me to stay away for a few days, just to give us some space. it sounds like a bad thing, but we`re extremely fragile @ thi point. absense makes the heart grow fonder, etc..
     
  13. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

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    Personally, I like to invest in the idea of a person well before I ever meet them. That way my expectations are already set up and clear in my mind. Then as soon as some likely vict... I mean person comes along, I grab them up and force them to make me happy. If they don't behave accordingly then I feel completely justifed in giving them a guilt trip, although I do it kinda passive-aggressive like so they won't know what hit 'em. Then I cry and bitch and moan, sometimes lashing out in anger or wallow in angst. If after all that they stay around anyway then I know they're my true love. :cool:

    Either that or their spirit is broken. :rolleyes:
     
  14. neim

    neim Member

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    a healthy meant to be relationship carries no questions nor choices, love is expressed without concerns and it's never claimed back.
     
  15. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

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    about questions, yes there should be. should there be a child involved eventually? will you cheat on me? will you get tired of me? what kinda music can you stand? although w/ this i can`t often find someone who likes classical music, so i kinda blow that off & just listen to it alone sometimes. & i kinda learn to like their music. a compromise i guess. sometimes something they like speaks to me well. i like old radio dramas & audiobooks & my recent ex did too, so i really miss that, but it`s not most important thing. again i can do that in private. & it`s possible my new possible would eventually like those. i am kinda teaching her english languauge essentials @ moment, so maybe that medium would interest her as it`s a bit easier than written word sometimes. i`m kinda super self-taught in english, etc., i don`t let many folks know about that so keep it to yerselves. ok c`y`all i gotta get back to her. we`re quite infatuauted @ moment still, & it`s quite magical, i just met her mother & brother. it`s quite satisfying "revenge" as it were on my ex.
     
  16. Underblacksunshine

    Underblacksunshine Member

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  17. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

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    just B?
     

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