When do you risk emotionally investing in someone?

a) when both of you express interest in getting to know each other better?

or

b) only when you commit to that person (and vice-versa)?

 

B

 

Different choice for different situations, I think.

 

But you risk getting hurt without good reason if there's no commitment there.

 

at least wait till after they actually answer your first phone call..

beyond that,id say b.

 

you beat me to this one though


I would've said pretty much the same thing

 

i`m in a kinda situation like this. plenty of emotional investment though, already. now, just getting to a touching stage is the difficult part. probably more so. we`ll proably both be way committed after that. we both want each other so bad we know we`d hafta totally live together after that. we`d both be co-dependent on each other.

 

in other words i think i do the emotional thing first.

 

Is there ever a time when we invest in something and we don't eventually get hurt?

 

Good point. :cheers2: We also invest more (and therefore hurt more) when we commit. So it might be two different roads to the same destination.

 

I'm just saying you shouldn't throw yourself at someone's mercy without a good reason. Don't hurt unnecessarily.

 

ya, that can be a tiny problem. love can become a co-dependency sometimes. a couple needs somewhat seperate lives @times. i`m only staying away from my current friend 8 hrs a day. but she`s kinda wanting me to stay away for a few days, just to give us some space. it sounds like a bad thing, but we`re extremely fragile @ thi point. absense makes the heart grow fonder, etc..

 

Personally, I like to invest in the idea of a person well before I ever meet them. That way my expectations are already set up and clear in my mind. Then as soon as some likely vict... I mean person comes along, I grab them up and force them to make me happy. If they don't behave accordingly then I feel completely justifed in giving them a guilt trip, although I do it kinda passive-aggressive like so they won't know what hit 'em. Then I cry and bitch and moan, sometimes lashing out in anger or wallow in angst. If after all that they stay around anyway then I know they're my true love.

Either that or their spirit is broken.

 

a healthy meant to be relationship carries no questions nor choices, love is expressed without concerns and it's never claimed back.

 

about questions, yes there should be. should there be a child involved eventually? will you cheat on me? will you get tired of me? what kinda music can you stand? although w/ this i can`t often find someone who likes classical music, so i kinda blow that off & just listen to it alone sometimes. & i kinda learn to like their music. a compromise i guess. sometimes something they like speaks to me well. i like old radio dramas & audiobooks & my recent ex did too, so i really miss that, but it`s not most important thing. again i can do that in private. & it`s possible my new possible would eventually like those. i am kinda teaching her english languauge essentials @ moment, so maybe that medium would interest her as it`s a bit easier than written word sometimes. i`m kinda super self-taught in english, etc., i don`t let many folks know about that so keep it to yerselves. ok c`y`all i gotta get back to her. we`re quite infatuauted @ moment still, & it`s quite magical, i just met her mother & brother. it`s quite satisfying "revenge" as it were on my ex.

 

B

 

just B?