OK, so this won't apply to all of us of course, but how exactly do you go about finding other gays or bisexuals when you aren't out yourself? In my entire campus I know 3 'out' lesbians and 1 'out' gay (who's a tad too screamy for me to talk to ). I'm not trying to hunt them down or anything, i'm just wondering how you guys or gals would go about finding someone. (Bar getting them all into individual rooms, a tad tipsy and then seeing how they react to certain things ). At the moment I only have my instinct as to whether or not people go that way, I have two people who i'm pretty certain are in one class, and several other sneaking suspicions, but I have to draw the line between instinct and wishfull thinking somewhere. Any advice or experiences here?
Not all gay guys are scream and act like that. I certainly do not, although I have nothing against it whatsoever. However, the answer to you question is that there is no answer, unfortunately. They say you shouldn't stereotype gay people, and in most cases it is true- some are very strait to look at! The way I discovered the odd gay person in university was by observation as to where this person goes. LGBT communities and gay bars are quite obvious places, but I was fascinated by how many familiar faces I came across on student night at my local gay club
One of my friends, who seemed to have a flawless gaydar, told me her secret. she said gay guys either have tight pants on, or if they're baggy, there's a white patch worn on the side of the pocket. sounds stupid, but she was right every time....
There's nothing magical about it, its all contained in that initial reaction, that first couple of seconds when you meet someone for the first time, or the first time that day, no one can mask that stuff. No one goes around explaining it cos the explanation is mean and scary. Of course it has to do with how hot you are. Pretty, effeminate gay male 16 yr old teen walks through a shopping mall encounters 50 or so guys that are older, he catches a certain % of them looking at him a certain way, he's going to be able to work out just what % of guys at which ages are are at least looking at him with lust, even if they may never act on it. Pretty 16 yr old straight guy isnt even paying attention to the guys, he's checking out the chics, so he doesnt see it. Pretty 16 yr old girl sees how many guys look lustfully at her, but is clueless as to how many of them would look lustfully at the gay guy, cos she aint a gay guy. So that pretty effeminate gay guy works out decades before everyone else how many 30, 40, 50 something guys are bi, well bi in terms of whats going through their head at least. And has to psend those decades keeping up the pretense amoungst straights its all about his sexuality, rather than some of them having to hide theirs. Big scary gay bear also ends up working out the difference between guys that are uncomfortable around him cos he's intimidating, and those that are uncomfortable around him cos they are thinking naughty thoughts. Same thing in the straight world, 6" guy with a six pack is going to see which girls eyes pop out when they first see him, and he'll sit there later and roll his eyes when they say things like "looks aren't important", "its whats on the inside that counts" Super hot 14 yr old girl in the same way is going to know which older guys are full of crap when they claim they arent attracted to underage girls. Extra icky when its the dad of a best friend and she looks almost the same as the best friend. Thats why Gaydar remains a mystery, most dont want to think about this kind of stuff, dont want to have to face their ranking, dont want to work out it hides stuff ickier than gay
If there was anything like "gaydar" I would love to have it. I would love to know by instinct who of the male friends I have would be receptive. The only way I know if someone is receptive is if the subject comes up in conversation. More often then not the reaction to homosexual activity is homophobic. Only on rear occasions has the subject of homosexuality come up with a male friend that the reaction was not homophobic. But even that does not indicate receptiveness. Those few experiences I have had, my friend was testing my receptiveness. If it's someone I like, and I thing is being truthful about there feelings, I am always receptive. <(^o^)>
I doubt how correct any assumption of such nature might be, and am sure it comes down to sheer coincidence, but I have a couple pairs of jeans just like that..
i'm bi, but my gay bf always seems to have good gaydar. if we're out in town, he just goes "boop" when someone passes, and we share a private joke that passer-by is not-straight. i dunno.
I'd kinda like to revive this thread. I think people take less credit than they deserve in having "gaydar". It's usually a learned thing i think, in which one is able to test what they observe of a person against their acquired knowledge of, or first-hand experience of how one acts because they like a certain sex and live in the society that we do. Of course the stereotype is going to be right sometimes (you may even have found it to be very often, but that could also be your perceptual set) but it will also be wrong. There is though a certain ability to read people, their expressions, their body language, their defenses, which is known as interpersonal intelligence. And I believe that some people are better able to pick up on these things (for example, to know when people are lying, or to realize someone's internal anger). Who could say that these people can not also pick up on someone's innermost attractions, or love, or fears as they are expressed in regard to homosexuality?
Ok, the simpler version: Another guy eye fucks you, doesnt necessarily mean he's gay, but he is gay for you. The hotter you are the more you're likely to get eye fucked, the greater the percentage of the male population that are going to eye fuck you. Petite effeminate guys get eye fucked by a total different set of guys compared to what big muscly guys do Saying gaydar doesnt exist is as ridiculous as saying Jessica Alba cant tell which guys eye fuck her If your gaydar sucks, its means you're butt ugly or far too close to average
one thing i heard from a straight girl that knew i was gay (which doesnt happen much) said one thing is that gay guys move their eyes without moving their head more. idk if this will improve your gaydar
Interesting, In All My "Gay Years" *which number many*, I Have Never Heard Of This Theory.... But The More I Think About It, The More I Think Your Friend Has Made A Very Astute Observation.... Cheers Glen.
Love these bumped threads. Like a conversation that took a breather for a year then picks right up where it left. Intuition or astute observation (even unconscious observation)? I think we as a species are just programmed to pick up on mannerisms that don't even register on the conscious then we process them to come up with suppositions. But, just like all those computer models that project the track of hurricanes, they don't always agree or accurately chart the course. To a degree I can pick gay guys but I would never jeopardize my life by acting on it without further study or confirmation. Then there is the case of needing Gaydar repair. I worked with a guy for five years when I was married and never picked up that he was gay. (We've since been in each others' bed several times). So, how come I never saw it.
Gaydar is also linked to "Coming Out", for some all that stress "Oooo, how do I tell my parents and my friends?" and the drama during the "Coming Out" only to work out years later everyone thought you were that way anyway from when you were very little
Well, although that is true, it's only a part of it. I definitely see things that people around me don't, because they don't know what they're looking for. Homosexual and bisexual people who are hiding who they are will share experiences, and therefore be more keen to realize when someone around them slips, or says a little too much. And I'd say that that is a part of gaydar. I know people who have surmised a person's orientation correctly over the internet. It had to do with what they said (was not anything too obvious...lol). So i wouldn't say that it's just about looks.
