Guys : Is it important for you to know ?

I think it will influence how he sees you - he'll wanna pop your cherry !!

If the guy is too eager to get you into bed I would not go there.

You need to be acutely aware of STIs, if your starting out.

Thats one of the good things about getting married and both of you are virgins.

If your both virgins you'll both be anxious, this may or may not become a problem.

My first was terrible because I was scared.

In time things improved.

Now its just like jumping in the car and zoomin' off !!!

I think its a good idea to educate your self like you are.

I think one can be overly concerned about your "first time".

If you don't tell him he'll wonder why ?

My sister once told me why she got her boyfriends angry, she said its to find out what there like underneath the charm and charisma.

Just don't get him too angry, you might find out he's violent.

Prod him and see how he reacts, your trying to work out how he thinks and feels and reacts in certain situations.

You have to know whats under the charm that we all have.

40 is probably gettin a bit old to be a virgin.

Use a coni and pjur gel.

 

Hmm.

I can see now why you are a virgin.

Still that is no reason why you cant find the right guy and still have a good and happy life.

Things can change for the better.

 

It is my understanding from guy friends of mine that they really don't want to have sex with virgins because of all the thought going into it by both parties....the girls think they'll be together forever, and the guys worried sick about just WHAT the girl is thinking.
Way too much. For MY friends, anyway. But, they just like sex with nothing else.

Stop putting so much thought into just how terrible and horrible guys are. Stop putting so much thought into sex....it's like you're putting it on a pedestal. It's just sex, honey....

 

Damn missie, we've got a fair bit in common - well, not the growing up part with the abuse and stuff. I've been quite a lucky lad so far in life to have good brothers, an annoying sister, a terrific mom, a financially supportive dad - quite freakin strict otherwise. And I've got some really terrific friends. as a song once said "hold on to those you love, cause love is a man's greatest need". and yeah, sports keeps my mind and body in top shape.

Samething I does be telling myself! Can't see the use of it.

 

QUOTE=missie;5287465]As a guy, how would you feel if a girl didn’t answer your question about her sexual past ? [/QUOTE] Hmmm, I'm not sure. The few girls I've been with were not virgins so it wasn't necessary for me to ask. Probably neutral.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]What would you think ? [/QUOTE]Simply that she's embarrassed or uncomfortable about sharing that bit of info.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]Would her silence frustrate you ? [/QUOTE]Ummm, not really. It would make me curious, but not to the point where I REEEAAALLY have to know.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]How would you respond to her silence ? [/QUOTE] I'd just accept that she doesn't want to tell me about it.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]Is it important whether she tells you or not, and why ? [/QUOTE] I'd appreciate it if she would tell me, but it's not a deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned. Of course, if she had sex before AND got an STD, I'd really want to know about that.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]What if the most answer you get out of her is “I’m not that experienced” – what would you make of it ?[/QUOTE] I dunno, it's a rather vague answer. If I asked her, "are you or are you not a virgin", I'd like a direct "yes" or "no". "I'm not that experienced" can be interpreted to mean "I've had sex before but only once or twice with one or two guys."

QUOTE=missie;5287465]How long are you willing to wait for a girl to be ready for sex before giving up and leaving ? [/QUOTE] That depends on what kind of a relationship I want with her. Since I prefer long-term loving commitments over casual fun flings (not that I see anything wrong with those, it's just not my thing), I'd probably be willing to wait a long time. Especially if I started thinking about marriage.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]How long is too long for you to wait ?[/QUOTE] After the wedding.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]How old is too old to be a virgin ? [/QUOTE] You're never too old for that. Although, if you're planning on losing it later on, it's kind of easier to find someone to do that when you're still relatively young. I just don't hear many cases of cherry-popping at the nursing home for the elderly.

QUOTE=missie;5287465]Any final notes / advice ? [/QUOTE] Just a disclaimer that what I wrote is all hypothetical because I'm now married and none of the very few girls I've been with (my wife included) were virgins when I dated them.

 

R. Hampton “…on the other hand, I probably handled some things better by waiting” - yes, I feel like a bit of a late bloomer myself. My teens weren’t the best time to be making such decisions.

“Thinking about most of the females I grew up around, probably all I learned from them was what I did NOT want.” - I agree… no only have I learnt from the men in my life, I also learnt from the women too.


GentleBen “You need to be acutely aware of STIs” - definitely. A bit of knowledge can help exercise caution.

“My first was terrible because I was scared. In time things improved.” - Good to know that there are ‘happy endings’, literally. Most people say it gets better with time and practice… and if it didn’t – I don’t think many of us would be here would we ? lol

“Prod him and see how he reacts, you’re trying to work out how he thinks and feels and reacts in certain situations. You have to know what’s under the charm that we all have…” - This can apply to both genders. I will take this to heart and keep this in mind. Although I don’t think I like the idea of deliberately provoking someone to the point of fury. I will watch out for situations and scenarios where true character is more evident. I believe knowing what he thinks and feels is just as important as seeing he’s reaction. What one feels and thinks in a certain moment are not always verbalized and can be the cause of misinterpretation. For instance, I do not always react like most girls in a given situation – like screaming and throwing tantrums etc.... On the surface I seem claim and in control, but underneath there is a sea of emotion rolling around, to much to process let alone talk about – so much so that it becomes physically hard for me to react and I freeze. To some this may seem like I’m heartless and I don’t care, to others I do not understand the gravity of the event - while neither of this is true – that is the impression given by my body and not so much my thoughts or emotions. I’ve been told I am hard to read……. I think it’s incredibly easy to read me, if you know what to look for, or better yet spend the time to even look


moon_flower “Stop putting so much thought into just how terrible and horrible guys are…” - I don’t think all guys are terrible - I don’t condemn the whole male sex just because I encountered a few bad eggs. Well not yet anyway lol Just making sure I see the good one when he comes a long “Stop putting so much thought into sex...” hmm easier said then done.


Nigelnewbie “Damn missie, we've got a fair bit in common… and yeah, sports keeps my mind and body in top shape.” - Well at lest there is one male out there who gets me – wait, you are male right ?? lol n/m – sports ? hmm I'm planning to do rock claiming soon with a few girl friends. I’m trying to be more adventurous


Musikero “ “I’m not that experienced”….I dunno, it's a rather vague answer. If I asked her, "are you or are you not a virgin", I'd like a direct "yes" or "no". "I'm not that experienced" can be interpreted to mean "I've had sex before but only once or twice with one or two guys." - yes, I was trying to be vague, giving him an answer – hoping he’ll be satisfied with it – that is not a lie but not revealing everything either. But I see what you mean by misinterpretations. I will try to choose my words more carefully





Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me ! I appreciate all your feedback.… right now its 2 am - and I’m so darn sleepy. So… I'll leave it at that for now.

 

I'm a lad indeed missie and sports is my number one wife!! he he

 

Should you tell the guy you are a virgin? Absolutely. If you don't tell, he may think that you aren't sleeping with him because of something about him. That isn't fair to the guy.

How old is too old to be a virgin? If you are seriously asking that question, you are probably too old.

It might be good for you to talk to somebody about all these issues that are bothering you. I don't think this is about sex only. You are missing out on a lot.

Karen

 

I told a male friend that I felt weird for being a virgin. He went on to answer his sister didn’t lose her virginity till she was 27, and she lost it to a close friend. He thought it was nice that she waited, and lost it to someone who cared for her and is still apart of her life, rather then a bf who could possibly break up with her and forget about her later on. This male friend responded to the information I gave of myself in a different manner as he saw me more as a friend… and not as a potential date.

I’m beginning to differentiate the nice boys from the not so nice ones, particularly so from their intent and reasons of getting to know me.

[edit]

 

I meant a professional person. When it comes to dealing with the aftermath of abusive relationships and other serious issues like that, I don't believe that amateur advice and support is enough.

When I was close to your age, I got some professional help for a different kind of problem. She was very helpful and easy to talk to, and I was glad that I did it. She understood the problem on a much deeper level than my friends, who had good intentions but useless ideas.

 

-

 

I was lucky enough to really connect with my councelor. You don't always get that on the first try. Even today, all these years later, sometimes I remember specific things that she said to me, and I benefit from them.

Trust is the key to a relationship, and it has to be earned. You can't really give it to a guy until he earns it. Be wise, but don't be a total skeptic. Guys can be extremely different, just like women can. Every one of them deserves to be treated as an individual. The guy I'm with, I trust him as much as I trust myself.

It's kind of funny, when you compare our past histories. I slept with too many guys, and you slept with too few. In my college party world, there was a kind of pragmatic trust there, the kind of trust you might find in a criminal gang. There was a set of unwritten rules, and I learned who I could depend on to follow those rules. If a guy came into a hardcore party and started acting like a rapist, I knew I could count on three of my big football player friends to beat the shit out of him. They were a rowdy bunch, but I knew I could trust them with my life. They were good people.

All these years later, I don't personally know anybody who acts like that or goes to that kind of party, but one important thing has stayed the same. Some people earn your trust, but most don't. Those few are your real friends, and sometimes, potential soul-mates.

 

I totally agree, that’s why I’ll hold off telling him. I want to know that he is sticking around for other reasons - the right reasons. Most guys give up after a few weeks to a few months. I’m not looking for a fling, I’m looking for a relationship.

So well put, I have nothing else to add…. I just hope I will find my soul-mate….. soon.




Thank you for your kind words and support. It’s much appreciated KJ

 

You're welcome. You seem like a very sweet girl. I hope everything works out well for you.

Karen

 

How much trust does a man need to earn before he gets sex on a date? You only have to trust us to use a condom. Most of us are willing to do that.

 

Thanks Karen

NotDeadYet - you're such a guyyyyy lol

 

I've been called worse things. Of course, if male attitudes bug you too much, you could always try doing girls. Us guys generally don't mind, as long as we get to watch.

 

That was a bad joke! :toetap05:

 

I think that you should be honest and up front about it. How you feel and such. If a guy like you for you, then it should not matter. If all they want is a conquest, then you know right away and can pass. If you have to disguise who you really are to find someone, then the person you find may not really be who you thought. Be honest and straight forward. It may be more difficult, but you will be happier with the person you choose.

 

Interesting take… Although it is an important part of who I am, it is not the only thing that defines me. The reason I don’t want to come straight out and say it at the beginning - is because I don’t want it to be the only thing he thinks of around me, there are other aspects to me. It may influence how he acts towards me, rather then being himself – which is what I really want to see.

He’ll find out eventually – if he cares enough to stick around. If not, then he leaves – no harm done….