Paranoia or just plain judgmental?

This may seem like a silly topic to post about but I am wondering if I am being too uptight about this situation. I met a girl and she invited me to hang out with herself and some of her friends – I moved a few months ago and don't really know anyone around my current area. So, off I go one evening to hang out with these folks before going to a show. I go there and I immediately feel uncomfortable because there are elements involved that make me feel awkward. Some people were smoking (which doesn't bother me) but there were some other things involved that for me have no positive effects. And I got the impression that wasn't being done for the sake of the experience – it seemed to be more about maintaining. Afterward my friend asked how it went and I said it made me nervous and felt that I was being too judgmental and should open up more.

I don't want to come off sounding like some mean, old bitty (but I'm sure I am). I just felt like I have been here before and I'm trying to get to place where I can open my mind more. I feel really guilty because this person really wants to do more things together and I don't want to say “the situation made me uncomfortable”. Maybe I do need to lighted up a little ( a friend once said "you are like the rabbit from Alice in wonderland")but I just don't want to regress to a place that I have moved away from – if that makes sense.

 

Sure it makes sense.

As I read your post the words that came into my mind were, "Trust yourself." Be who YOU are because I have the feeling that you are a very cool person who simply has more than your share of self-doubt.

Give yourself a hug and listen to your inner self as though you were listening to a close friend.

Peace, SR

 

Even the human animal's instincts can be right sometimes. If you have a feeling that you shouldn't be there, than listen to those feelings. Never put yourself in a situation that you think could be a problem for you. If this girl really wants to be friends and spend more time together than she will have no problem doing things in which you are both comfortable. Always be honest with yourself and those around you. Only bad things follow if you ignore your inner voice.

 

YOu really weren't clear on what made you uncomfortable.

 

Yeah, that was a really vague post. The only specific thing you said about these people was that they were smoking, but then you said that doesn't bother you.

What exactly about them made you uncomfortable?

 

bonjorno bella treat others how you want to be treated, respect ppl decishions in its selfe it may be there undoings, but not beaing equal may be ur down fall, if there happy let them be, manny manny other fish in the sea, friends are friends and they will recpect ur decishion of were to converse, if not it was never ment to be, caio, peace and good fortune

 

Aside from the right/wrong judgment aspect, I'm not sure that what made you uncomfortable is so important. The fact is, you were uncomfortable, and that in itself tells you a lot about yourself and how you felt in that situation.

 

drugs man drugs thats what made here unconfterbal, smokeing and stuff, im hinting ice or herion thay would make me not want to be around them two

 

See, the dilemmah she's in is that she was uncomfortable but the person wants to see her more.
Now, how uncomfortable she was is the factor. Was it an uncomfortable feeling that she can work out and eventually feel okay with? Or was it something akin to a phobia that made her freak out?
she's not saying.
Only she can decided on her level of discomfort, if it's something that she can work out in her head, and keep the friend, and if it's all worth it to her.
But without knowing what made her uncomfortable, I can't offer advice.

 

the way I see is this this , if yoiu think that the use was limited cool if the person yoiu were with indulged ..
then thats yoiur choice whether to see them again or no
seems to me you are eeither lonely or genrall intrested in this person..
Im leaning ttowards the latter

my rule of thumb is green is alwright 4 most crowds
while white means im gone----- soon

 

agreed, but im GUESSING ITS WHITE

 

Great advice offered already. I've been in a similar situation and I could not continue the friendship... You and your potential friend are obviously on different paths. I'm sure you can continue the friendship while avoiding what was making you uncomfortable... and no, don't loosen up! Just be you! I think that it's terrible that the friend told you that. hrmpf.. Friends will find you if you continue looking.